He keeps harassing me about my Mother's care, questioning my every move and my integrity? He's been around 30 years and he thinks he is one of my Mother's children. I have one brother and two sisters but my sisters insist on having their husbands in on her caregiving affairs. It's stress enough to have to hear the opinions of four, two of which are not siblings? I've had enough but trying to keep cool. I recently moved my Mother from Assisted Living with 24 hours sitter, to a more secure memory care floor. Went from $17500 a month to $8000 a month. No brainer. Trying to stretch out her monies for continuous care at a nice place. She has long term care policy and saved every dime bless her. Has moderate to severe dementia. I want to remove my sisters' husbands from the scenario. Their constant badgering me through nasty email and telling me to stay away from their children is stressful. I hate to take legal action but I'm having chest pains from stress and not a moment goes by where I'm not thinking about their anger and my sisters wanting control. Thanks everybody.
Thank you.
Can you just call the facility and ban them?
I would think you would need a no contact order from a lawyer?
Thanks
I gained guardianship of my father over his and an older brother's objections. My brother got our father to sign DPOA and a will decades after Dad's vascular dementia diagnosis and years after PCP and a geriatric psychiatrist stated he was incompetent in his medical records. My brother has a history of being verbally and emotionally abusive as well as physically intimidating to anyone who doesn't let him have his way. My lawyer prepared a document establishing "rules" my brother had to sign in order to continue seeing my father. Rules limiting the type of contact he was allowed with other family and how he needed to treat the MC staff with courtesy along with a visitation schedule. If brother doesn't sign, he doesn't get to visit our father, After he signs and then violates the agreement, he doesn't get to visit our father. I hated doing it, but visitation was the only carrot I had and the staff and family members do not deserve my brother's abuse. It has mostly worked for a couple of years now. My brother spends several hours a day at the MC with our father and Dad has better care and reduced costs because my brother is there.
Guardianship gives me more absolute control than a POA, so you definitely need to discuss your options with an attorney. Be prepared for a continued resistance. After my brother lost the guardianship battle in the county my parents lived in, I placed Dad into an MC in an adjoining county. Next thing I know, my brother is seeking guardianship in the new county (dismissed at the first hearing).
In opinion, the BIL needs to back off. Its not his Mom. You are POA your decision is the final one. I would also tell them you will not update them if they don't stop the badgering. And the doctors and nurses should give them no info if you haven't put them on the list. Its a HIPPA violation.
Right now they are pushing you away because you won't do it their way. So is setting some boundries going to make it worse?
This evening I received two emails from both my sisters that remain in denial of my Mom's disease making up lies and harassing me stating the facility is "sub par" and I am "negligent" and that they don't like the staff or anything. I spent the better portion of 15 years 5 miles from my Mom caring for her needs as a companion and confidant since my Dad died. She use to complain that they never stopped by.... which was true. One of my sisters would call me knowing I was driving my Mom to her children's sporting events and would insist my Mom wear something nice and not some shaggy yard clothes. My Mom would get so upset that she would call me and ask that. I sorta got along with their snarkiness just to see my niece and nephews who I love dearly. I never married and at 55 I have a wonderful relationship with all of them until my sisters told them all to stop communicating with me. My sisters are trying to undermine the settling in of Mom to memory care through constant visiting her and harassing the staff and harnessing email to me now. I asked them not to call or text me as they are very rude on the phone and via email unless it's a family medical emergency. After tonight's barrage of email I am tempted to have them contact me via US Mail only.
I guess I could just end it and get a no contact order on both of them. I'm pretty upset but trying to take the high road and ignore their emotions that they are taking out on me.
I dunno. I have talked to all of my Mom's sister in laws and brother and they are behind me in having my Mom in a nice memory care facility. None of these places are well oiled machines but in my opinion the staffs do the best they can. Thanks
I send out group emails but my sisters want me to include their husbands and I only want to include my brother and two sisters. They get so mad when I don't include their opinionated husbands.
Thanks again... cool squirrel.