Mom is in LTC, no dementia, only mobility problems. I go the extra mile but it is never enough, do her laundry, shopping for clothes, pay her phone and TV bills, do her banking, etc. etc. I recently did a huge sewing task for her, no thanks. When I mentioned she never say thank you, she wrote me out an itemized list of things she gave to me when she had to leave her house, with a value beside each item. I am so mad that I told her I would sell each item and give her the money. Does anybody else have a problem with their parents that they feel all the help you give them is owed? Nothing is appreciated.
Think of it this way, what if your Mom had no children, who would be doing those things? I assume your Mom would have to pay the facility to do her laundry? If she can afford it, let them do the wash. As for the TV and phone bill, anyway to make that automatic payment?
It's time for you to be a "daughter" and not a "caregiver"... it's difficult to do both.
You should realize that your mother has a great sense of humor, you might not appreciate it because you are too close to the situation.
I know I am loved and appreciated and don't have to be told each time, which is a darn good thing because the dementia doesn't allow her to think along those lines. She parrots, if I say I love you, she says I love you. If I say thank you, she says thank you. Doesn't mean a thing.
Do you have POA? Is that why you take care of the bills? If you are not POA, then I would not work with her finances anymore. If this is her attitude, she is likely to accuse you of mishandling her account and you don't need an investigation based on lies.
Well....I might not have the guts. I wouldn't do it. Might as welll be honest....
Grrrrrrr!!!
I'm sorry ChipsMom, if I seemed insensitive to your plight. My apologies.
The truth is that many mothers feel that the children owe them because they gave life to them. It doesn't matter that the child never asked to be born, and you can argue the obligation point until the cows come home. It won't do any good. It is funny how some parents are quick to get onto us for something bad, but reluctant to say thank you. To tell you the truth, I am a bit shocked anytime my mother says thank you. Who is this person thanking me and what have you done with my mother? I think we are the only ones who realize how truly wonderful we are.
Maybe your Mom has the same problem with saying "thank you". Again, it's wrong but you aren't going to change her. Accept her and realize it's her problem and it is what it is. If you don't expect a "thank you" you won't be disappointed.