My Mom moved to assisted living a month ago it appeared everything was fine she was adjusting nicely making friends, participating in activities. Now all of a sudden she hates it, hates the food, hates her tiny room. None of this is true. The place is like a resort everyone is so nice and I've eaten there several times with one meal being better than the next. She keeps saying she wants to go back to her house and she has become so evil with the nasty things she is saying to me I'm making myself physically ill over this. I have tried begging, pleading, reasoning, even crying nothing is working. She has dementia ( although acknowledged by dr's not formally diagnosed) and I'm so afraid she is going to get herself kicked out thinking that will be her ticket to her home. My Mom is VERY stubborn and hard headed when it comes to getting what she wants. She basically manipulates and nags until,she gets her way and she absolutely cannot live alone and I honestly don't know where to go from here. My stress levels are through the roof and I'm beginning to think she truly does hate every ounce of my being. I have been falsely accused of so many horrible things, mainly stealing (which hurts the most) that are so untrue and so painful it's putting me in a deep depression. She has already destroyed a close relationship with my only sibling as a result of her antics. I was thinking of taking her for some tours to some of the less desirable Alf's in the area just to see how truly good she has it I just don't know if that will do any good. I did my homework and visited every place in the area and this one was by far the absolute nicest and cleanest, I wouldn't mind living there myself. It literally looks and feels like a hotel. Have any of you gone through this one month in and how have you dealt with it? She is threatening to call call home health agencies to price what it would cost to have someone come into her home should she move back to give her her meds as I cannot do it four times a day. She is also threatening to call lawyers and her doctor ( we told her her dr said she cant live alone). I guess basically what I'm asking is how have you all dealt with these tantrums and how did you get your parents to see that this is it. There is no other option they absolutely positively cannot go back home and live alone. I'm at wits end. Please help with any suggestions. I honestly don't know what to do at this point I'm so depressed and stressed over this.
MsDaisy, this isn't anything YOU'RE doing, this is your mom and who she is. I understand totally. You are the whipping post for all of life's wrongs and miseries. It sucks, but that's it. There's really nothing you can DO except endure...and get her on some meds, like yesterday. They helped my mom chill. They'll help yours, too.
As far as permanent placement, it is probably coming down the road a bit. But, now everyone realizes this will be extremely expensive because she needs memory care and he only needs assisted. At this time we are discussing waiting until mom has no idea where she is most of the time. So an unfamiliar place won't make much of a difference. If done too soon she would need to be sedated to keep from harming others or herself. It may end up being a nursing home because of the need for medication.
Sorry, got off track a bit. When they came home after respite, all was wonderful quite quickly because mom forgot. One of the good things about the disease is that the unpleasantness is quickly forgotten.