Mom is in her late 90's, still in independent living, refusing to move, although with her dementia getting worse she doesn't do anything for herself and is often confused, can't remember anything, etc. She has not taken a shower in years and six months ago, stopped washing completely. The soap has been in the dish, dry as a bone for the past 3 months and there are never used towels or washcloths. Obviously she is not even washing her hands with soap, let alone any other part of her body. Of course she lies and says she is bathing. She refuses our help, won't let an aide in the door! Certainly this is detrimental to her health, especially since she abuses laxatives and loses control and wears depends. We have given up, she doesn't cooperate with us at all. If we move her to assisted living will they make her bathe?
Independent and assisted living probably have guidelines about private duty care so you might want to check but maybe your mom would benefit from home healthcare aides. People to come into the home and help her with her shower. Since she hasn't bathed in any way in 6 months is alarming and she needs help ASAP.
With the confusion and the lack of bathing you might want to begin to consider a facility that provides more care. It doesn't sound as if she can be 'independent' any longer. And the laxative abuse needs to addressed. Elderly people have a thing about their bowels.