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My aunt is POA just filed after me and my sister tried to visit with my mother. Can she legally keep my mother from seeing us when my mother is of sound mind still?
Because she asked us to pay her directly for the funeral and we said no that we were going to pay the funeral home directly. It is crazy the situation and I wouldn't believe it but I lived it.
All I want is for someone to investigate and make sure my Aunt is truly acting on my mother's behalf. My mother begged me and my sister to take her with us but the police said since my Aunt had POA we couldn't. Even though my mother is of her right mind.
I'm very sorry for what sounds like an incredibly distressing situation for all of you.
So your mother is dangerously ill. Your aunt is ?at your mother's home? caring for her? You and your sister have found yourself in conflict with your aunt over a) your mother's care needs and b) perhaps as a sort of proxy issue, funeral arrangements. And the current state of play is that your aunt is turning you away at the front door, so that you and your sister can't get in to visit your mother and are now worried about her care.
Did your aunt actually say "I will not have hospice here"; or did she just refuse to tell you what is happening at all?
If your mother really is in her right mind then your aunt cannot overrule her wishes. But that doesn't mean it would necessarily have been a good idea to move your mother. If you believe that your mother is in need of hospice care, then I guess that the last thing she needs is either a stand-up fight between her loved ones or being physically moved in the middle of winter.
Could you please just explain why your aunt comes to be your mother's primary caregiver and why your mother is in need of hospice care?
Thanks for your message. I'm so sorry this is happening in your family.
Only a guess, but it looks to me like you and your sister have inadvertently trodden on an emotional landmine.
Your mother has been ill. You and your sister, perfectly naturally, moved away some time ago to lead your lives (good! That's what healthily brought-up people do!). But meanwhile, your aunt has been taking care of your mother. Maybe for quite a long time? Maybe bottling up her feelings about what you and your sister "ought" to have been doing?
Then you turn up at the door and your aunt explodes.
Don't give up, but just press pause for a second and let's have a think about what to do. Are you still in contact with your cousin?
She has cancer and is in the last stage it has moved to her brain now. My mother was an alcoholic and me and my sister have autistic children and we finally sent our mother out to Idaho. She and my Aunt have lived together for years after my Aunts husband died. My mother pays her monthly and now she says she will lose her house without my mother's payment. I don't want money or to even see my Mother again it was way to tramaic but I do want to make sure my Aunt is making proper decisions and calls in hospice. My mother is in great pain and needs morphine
I am not in contact with any of them since she called the police. She lied to them and it just floored me and my sister. My mother has paid for everything my Aunt is acting crazy about this and she knew we were coming because my mother called us and so did my cousin and told us she was at the end so we paid a lot of money to get there only to be treated like dirt. She wants me and my sister to pay her not the funeral home and the amount was so much higher from her. The Boise funeral home even sent my sister the amount but yet my Aunt is angry. We said we would pay had everything settled the funeral home just needed her to sign as the POA and she blew up and never took it up there.
So could we surmise that your aunt might be concerned about losing your moms income to the degree that she is wanting to keep your mom alive and perhaps believing the hospice care would speed up her demise? Perhaps you could call the Area Agency on Aging in her state and ask for direction. Here is a link for Northern Idaho that might get you started. aaani dot org if it gets deleted.
Alley. Look at this from your aunt's point of view.
For *very* *good* *reasons*, I'm not disputing that for a moment, you and your sister arranged for your challenging mother to move to your aunt's state and then in due course to move in with your aunt. Your mother was an alcoholic. She later developed cancer. She is now dying. And your aunt has been coping with her for YEARS.
Then you and your sister arrive. You've trusted your aunt with your mother's care for all this time, but all of a sudden you know better what your mother's needs are. You've been happy for your aunt to take responsibility for managing your mother's money, but all of a sudden you don't trust her to account for the funeral expenses (which, by the way, could quite possibly include a lot more than the funeral home's fee on its own).
I'm sure without meaning to, but I wouldn't be surprised if you have deeply hurt and offended this woman who, let's not forget, is still in the midst of caring for a dying woman and worrying about her own future. Do take into account quite how much stress she has been under, and still is, and for how long.
That does not mean it is not your place to be concerned about your mother's immediate welfare needs. Of course you have every right to raise questions. I'd call APS and make sure that they understand it is the immediate issues you are asking them to assess. The police involvement and attitude should be quite straightforward to explain away, if the point even comes up at all: their concern in that moment was to keep the peace and remove people who had no business to be there against your aunt's wishes from your aunt's house. Their off-the-cuff statement about the POA was no doubt just expedient for those purposes - they wanted you out and were throwing any reasons at you that came to mind.
There is one more important point to take into account when you talk to APS, and that is I wouldn't be too certain about asserting your mother's soundness of mind. You say that she now has brain metastases. I'm afraid these can develop extremely rapidly and may affect all aspects of her mental functioning. That doesn't mean she shouldn't be listened to, but it does mean that you can't assume she is legally competent.
Again, I am so sorry for what you and your sister and your whole family must have been through and are still going through. I hope APS will be able to advise you and do something to set your mind at rest.
Did your Mom really appoint Aunt as POA? Mom has to revoke the old POA before a new one takes over. The Police are wrong. A POA only comes into effect when the person can no longer make informed decisions. Call ur Office of Aging to see if they can do a well check.
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
Why would your aunt want to stop you and your sister visiting your mother?
So your mother is dangerously ill. Your aunt is ?at your mother's home? caring for her? You and your sister have found yourself in conflict with your aunt over a) your mother's care needs and b) perhaps as a sort of proxy issue, funeral arrangements. And the current state of play is that your aunt is turning you away at the front door, so that you and your sister can't get in to visit your mother and are now worried about her care.
Did your aunt actually say "I will not have hospice here"; or did she just refuse to tell you what is happening at all?
Can I also just ask when all this blew up?
Could you please just explain why your aunt comes to be your mother's primary caregiver and why your mother is in need of hospice care?
Only a guess, but it looks to me like you and your sister have inadvertently trodden on an emotional landmine.
Your mother has been ill. You and your sister, perfectly naturally, moved away some time ago to lead your lives (good! That's what healthily brought-up people do!). But meanwhile, your aunt has been taking care of your mother. Maybe for quite a long time? Maybe bottling up her feelings about what you and your sister "ought" to have been doing?
Then you turn up at the door and your aunt explodes.
Don't give up, but just press pause for a second and let's have a think about what to do. Are you still in contact with your cousin?
Perhaps you could call the Area Agency on Aging in her state and ask for direction.
Here is a link for Northern Idaho that might get you started.
aaani dot org if it gets deleted.
http://aaani.org
For *very* *good* *reasons*, I'm not disputing that for a moment, you and your sister arranged for your challenging mother to move to your aunt's state and then in due course to move in with your aunt. Your mother was an alcoholic. She later developed cancer. She is now dying. And your aunt has been coping with her for YEARS.
Then you and your sister arrive. You've trusted your aunt with your mother's care for all this time, but all of a sudden you know better what your mother's needs are. You've been happy for your aunt to take responsibility for managing your mother's money, but all of a sudden you don't trust her to account for the funeral expenses (which, by the way, could quite possibly include a lot more than the funeral home's fee on its own).
I'm sure without meaning to, but I wouldn't be surprised if you have deeply hurt and offended this woman who, let's not forget, is still in the midst of caring for a dying woman and worrying about her own future. Do take into account quite how much stress she has been under, and still is, and for how long.
That does not mean it is not your place to be concerned about your mother's immediate welfare needs. Of course you have every right to raise questions. I'd call APS and make sure that they understand it is the immediate issues you are asking them to assess. The police involvement and attitude should be quite straightforward to explain away, if the point even comes up at all: their concern in that moment was to keep the peace and remove people who had no business to be there against your aunt's wishes from your aunt's house. Their off-the-cuff statement about the POA was no doubt just expedient for those purposes - they wanted you out and were throwing any reasons at you that came to mind.
There is one more important point to take into account when you talk to APS, and that is I wouldn't be too certain about asserting your mother's soundness of mind. You say that she now has brain metastases. I'm afraid these can develop extremely rapidly and may affect all aspects of her mental functioning. That doesn't mean she shouldn't be listened to, but it does mean that you can't assume she is legally competent.
Again, I am so sorry for what you and your sister and your whole family must have been through and are still going through. I hope APS will be able to advise you and do something to set your mind at rest.