My aunt makes up stories from the past, then later denies she said it.

I was just re-reading some of these posts. It is very hard to determine exactly what is 'wrong' with my MIL - her doctor does not think she has dementia. He only administered that little test with a few questions on it - she knew where she was and who was president, etc.

But my MIL fabricates so much so often. She seems 'normal ' enough most of the time but nearly everything she says has a 'little twist' to it that isn't quite straight. If you call her on anything she claims she knows what she is talking abut or if you bring something up later on she will deny saying or doing it. It can get very frustrating.

I remembered seeing the word confabulation on this site and googled it. This is what I found. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confabulation

My problem is NOT knowing if there is something really wrong with her. In situations like these - WE end up thinking WE may be the problem. Her confabulations are usually quite plausible - they are just not quite 100% true. Or she might change what happened slightly.

Example: Last summer she had to go into the hospital due to cellulitis. It is a long story but basically we had been busy all day remodeling an upstairs laundry. I had left breakfast on her counter and Meals on Wheels left her lunch - calling out to her and she called from bedroom that she was ok. We had not actually seen her that day.

Mid afternoon our niece called and said 'something is wrong with grandma.' We checked on her and she was running a fever. She did not then or previously tell us she had a hot spot on her leg. We called nurse (it was Sat.) and finally determined she needed to go to ER. She spent nearly 2 weeks.

Her version: The nurse came by (she had no nurse visits until she was released from hospital and they came for about 6 weeks and checked her and she had PT). and she showed the nurse her leg and the nurse told her to go straight to the hospital.

Was this a confabulation or just being mixed up due to being sick and running a fever? She really does not remember anything about her stay in the hospital or how she got there unless we tell her. But she makes up her own version. Why wouldn't she just tell people that she was so sick that it is all a blank? But she cannot admit she cannot remember.

She used to kid about forgetting things - now she forgets NOTHING! It is just very difficult to deal with. She seems perfectly normal to others - of course, they don't know 'the rest of the story' as Paul Harvey used to say.

So, it this how dementia starts? Or is she just getting forgetful and irrational about it?

The first time I saw my mother in the hospital after a fall, I knew nothing about "hospital dementia" where she is find at home, not so in the hospital. She told me that she had had an affair and I had a different father than my other two siblings. The problem was, there was a very good chance she was going to die so this was like a "death bed" confession, and she had so many specifics, very plausible stories, etc. that I didn't know whether to believe her or not. I called my older sister whose response was, "well it's about time she told you, I have been after her for years to tell you." At that point I believed them both. Now I am not so sure, my sister is just plain mean and may have said that to hurt me, and my mother, once I brought her to my house to take care of her, denied it at first, later couldn't even remember any of it. I'm still left wondering if I need a DNA test! Their stories can be so convincing!

kmaier, what you noticed may be true. My mother's tales usually have her as a caring, involved person when in reality she is the opposite. Perhaps the tales let us have a peek at who they wish they were.

Something I am noticing in many of the comments is that the fabricators had at least some period in their lives when they were not very nice people. My Mother also. I am pretty sure she has narcissistic personality disorder. She has always been a huge drama queen. She has had moments through out my life of immoral, dishonest an sometimes criminal behavior. She was once very candid with me in a moment of remorse, when it finally hit her that she had drained my finances by gambling. She said she had a terrible time denying anything to herself. Now she can not understand how it is that she has no home of her own ( gambling). She feels like a victim because she is legally blind from diabetic retinopathy ( this woman has actually sat at the kitchen table and had a tantrum because I wouldn't go get her something sweet "I WANT A GOODY! I WANT A GOODY!") She often asks why her body hurts and she is over weight.( She will not exercise) She asks why people treat her like she is stupid. ( She insists on "being entertained not educated" ) But I have also read stories of these fabrications of the past that are made by people who were once logical, rational, and thinking people.

My Mother does have dementia wand as I have come to understand before I even read that it can happen is that the brain is trying to recall and more or less does the best it can. I have experienced a little or a lot of the things other people have described here. As far as the un-truths go, the story gets distorted in their minds and they absolutely believe them. Example: My mom told people how she had to go to the hospital because she fell in the yard. She DID fall in the yard. She got back up and life went on. A few days later she needed to be hospitalized for an unrelated issue. Those two events were combined. She recently recalled herself as having done something 10 years ago, that I did. It actually involved a gov agency and so we called to try and verify. But they didn't keep records that long. It ended with her insisting I go and have a brain scan because something is terribly wrong with me and my memory. She also tells my sister that I am starving her. She refuses to even try to eat unless I personally give it to her. She can make a sandwich, and simple food prep. She also forgets where food is. If I leave it out on the counter, she will completely ignore it. I am sure she tells people she is a prisoner. She finally stopped driving. She calls relatives and tells them she would rather live on the street than with me. The next day she doesn't even recall it. My sister had to finally tell her to shut up about complaining about me. I am also forbidden to tell anyone that she has dementia, although she called everyone herself and told them. But she doesn't recall that. My point is that although it is said that short term memory is worse with dementia, long term memory also gets distorted. I wish you the best and keep an eye on your Aunt because she might be in the early stages. In retrospect I will see events from 10-12 years ago and say to myself "Why didn't I see it then? That was when it was starting!"

PS Congratulations OldCodger, enjoy your new life! Good for you. Keep your distance!!

Hi OldCodger2, I walk in your shoes. We are their target since they need a scapegoat and someone to blame -- that's easier than taking the responsibility or blame themselves. They will never admit that they got something wrong, forgot something, didn't tell someone relevant info, etc. It's easier for them to put it on US!!
I have been on the receiving end of this so many times I have lost count, but I do hear you and certainly do sympathize. Yes, it is evil, meanspirited and unfair, but you know what? You and I know who did what, what she is fabricating, and what she is avoiding taking responsibility for......don't worry, as time goes by, others around her will "out" her.
My children got very rude awakenings when they realized the real personality of my mother, their grandmother - one of them broke down and cried. I tried to explain as gently as I could that this was not the grandmother of their childhoods (though she had been the abusive and cruel mother to me) and she had treated them better than she treated myself and my sibling when we were children, because to her, we were just liabilities. It was very hard for my children but now they are on to her.
One of my children hears these comments from her - ie there is a stain on her bedspread. You call her on it, what did you spill here, the answer is always "Oh I didn't do that -- the cat was up here earlier" or "your grandchild did that". The only thing to be cautious of is if it is something that involves danger, ie mine is dropping her pills all over the house all the time, even though I put them in little pill cups.
On two occasions, when my toddler granddaughter has been here, guess what I have found on the floor? Her (my mother's) pills. Naturally she plays dumb when I point it out, saying, do you realize that you have spilled this or that pill on the floor and X could have picked that up and eaten it ?? (twice I caught my little grandbaby girl with the pill in her hand, going to her mouth with it).
The response? "Oh I had nothing to do with that - how did that happen? somebody must have dropped it -- I thought YOU put them into those pill cups -- YOU had better be more careful".
I suppose in their demented minds that owning up to something they have done wrong makes them a bad guy, and heaven knows they don't want anything to destroy the pedestal of narcissism they have put themselves up on.
She lied to a surgeon last week, saying she doesn't have diabetes. Imagine being crafty enough to figure out that the surgeon might not cross-reference with her family dr. to check on that!! It's so devious it makes my stomach turn!!
So - bottom line - trying to get them to own up or admit is useless - what I do is bring what has happened to their attention (although this can be futile, as I found her 30mg sleeping pill on the nighttable when my grandkids were here and her answer was "They're not going to touch that, they can't reach it, and besides, it wouldn't hurt them" No they would land in the hospital to have their stomachs pumped that's all, but that's not important to her because it's not happening to HER), point out what they've done, and when they start backpedalling, I walk out of the room.
BOOM!!!!

For reasons I don't care to share here - she is here with us for a while. Yes, I got very frustrated and angry when I realized what she had been doing - overheard her in great detail last August. I went to my doctor, then went to my sister's in AZ for two weeks and walked and swam and relaxed. I came home and we set down new 'rules' - NO more is she allowed just to walk in unannounced and say whatever she pleases to me, she only eats with us when it is convenient for me or I feel like having her over. Our interaction is now at a minimum and will stay that way. MY BP is now normal. I feel like I now have a life outside of hers. We travel - thankfully we have church friends who feel obliged to visit and call her while we are gone and our 4 kids take turns visiting and bringing meals in the evening and on weekends - every couple of days. She also has Meals on wheels 3x a week. She complained so about them that we cut back from 5 to 3 days and we share what I cook with her for lunches and dinner. Breakfast miraculously appears on her kitchen counter each morning - all she has to do is nuke it. I CAN LIVE WITH THIS ARRANGEMENT. When/if her health fails and she requires more hands on care (my health status has changed and I can no longer lift and neither can my hubby) she will leave here and go to a NH. So far, this is working and it has been this way since last August. She may not be 100% happy with the arrangement - but I am. I no longer get surprise visits where she yells at me for doing something I didn't do. She lives her life and we live ours pretty much. She has visitors from church each week and letters from the few friends she has left in the state she moved from and she gets several phone calls a week. She has more company that I ever get and that's OK!! I don't have to feel guilty - SHE ISN'T REALLY LONELY - she just says she is.

So, it could be worse and it was. Now, our life is tolerable. We have a life again.

JessieBelle - I had to laugh when you said if it is good and productive - SHE did it and otherwise YOU did it - YEP - they are twins :0)

I brought her home some B. Evans biscuits and gravy. I left it on her kitchen counter (her apt is attached to our home). When she got up she had poured 'who knows what' into the gravy - probably because it was thick since it was cold - not realizing all she had to do was nuke it - and so she screwed it up completely - it was like water with a few lumps in it. She said that I brought it home that way - I should have just let them throw it away - it wasn't worth trying to eat. The stuff was very thick when it went into the container. If it was watery now - guess who watered it down? ME!!! ha ha ha ha I JUST CAN'T WIN AND HAVE ALMOST STOPPED TRYING. I still do nice things for her - just can't figure out why :0) Gotta stay busy or she will be back before I am done. I only clean her apt. when she goes to the doctor -

Oldcodge, something needs to change in order that you do not become an angry, old, frustrated, unhappy and negative woman. It sounds like it is taking its toll, time to help yourself at this point. When I felt this way, I had to do something for myself, I had to change my attitude and get help with getting a new outlook.

Oldcodger2, I had to check my mother's room to make sure she hadn't moved in with you guys. Your MIL sounds so much like my mother and even has the same illnesses -- diabetes, spinal stenosis, high bp. She has a hard time remembering who did what. She has made it simpler -- if it is good and productive, she did it. If it is bad and lazy, I did it. We also have a gremlin around the house that does secret things like eat candy and make messes. I don't know if she actually believes she didn't do these things. She has never been above telling lies.

Something I've been pondering lately is something that happened when I was a kid. My friends and I were treasure hunting in a creek and found two very nice rings. I showed them to her and she said they were hers, and took them. They wouldn't fit her, because she was obese and they were small. She just took them and I never saw them again. I don't know what made me think of them recently, but I wondered what kind of mother would take her child's treasure from her, especially when the mother couldn't use it. The lies have always been there. I decided that when she dies, I am going to look until I find those rings. They have to be here somewhere in all the clutter. (I know, it's a rather irrelevant story, but I needed to tell someone about my rings.)

At this point it doesn't help ME to know what she is saying - it just hurts. So, I try not to listen. But, once in a while, if I happen to walk by her door I can hear what she is saying and it is never good. She is a negative, unhappy, frustrated, angry old woman. I leave her alone. Gotta go clean her apt. Hubby took her to the doctor and I have 3 hours! Later everyone.

A pocket tape recorder may be of value.

Sadly, old age just make the quirks we have had our entire life worse. My mother in law has always embellished and has always gossiped. You know that if she gossips about one - she will gossip about you. But her little stories were benign in those days. What she says now about me is not benign. She is trying her best to discredit me and make me look like a horrible person. She has succeeded with a few. Her stories do not sound 'mixed up' at all - she sounds perfectly normal and what she says sounds as though it 'could have' happened - only trouble it - IT DIDN'T. Or she leaves important parts of the story out and invents parts that that either never happened or did not happen in the way or for the purpose she says. Sometimes WHO does some of the things is inaccurate.

Example: She has a wall clock that bongs loudly. After her last surgery we put a baby monitor in her bedroom since our room is quite a ways from hers and we would not hear her if she called and needed me. The bonging clock kept us awake. So, hubby removed the battery - explaining why. HER STORY - the one she tells others: I love that clock. Sam gave it to me (made up name). She (me) came in here in a HUFF and said she couldn't STAND that damn thing bonging all the time and yanked it off the wall and took the batteries out. Now I never know what time it is. SHE DIDN'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO THAT, DID SHE? (imagine a pathetic whine here). The other person would think - well, what a louse - that clock has sentimental value and she doesn't even care! Trouble is - I DIDN'T DO IT! Her son did. But that doesn't matter. No matter what happens - small or big - I did it in a mean spirited way - I am just a spiteful person who does not care for HER feelings. In truth - I have never told anyone anything about my MIL that wasn't the truth. Wish I could say the same for her. And it just continues. She told the Meals on Wheels lady that she missed her food doctor appointment at the senior center because 'the kids didn't have time to take her.' TRUTH: It was the height of flu season and she didn't want the shot and was afraid to be around so many people and decided NOT to go and didn't tell them. Instead of telling the truth - which was perfectly reasonable - she blamed it on the kids - basically ME - the meals on wheels lady knows I am here all the time and could have taken her.

It really gets old - really OLD. And yes, I agree, I DON'T WANT TO GET OLD - we can hope that the new healthcare system will see to it that we don't. :0) All they have to do it 'remove the props' that keep everyone alive until they are 90 or 100. Problem solved.

As mgcarter posted it has a name they are "confabulations" Mom has not been labeled with dementia just memory difficulty. Last week we went for a CT scan and there is proof that an earlier mini stroke (none of us ever witnessed) has damaged a small section of her brain. Everyday is a total surprise and rather entertaining The best advice I have is just like raising children...... pick your battles. If this is a new occurrence it's obvious something has happened to their thought process. No matter how strongly you tell them they are mistaken the worst it gets for both of you. Document the stories and share them with their doctor it will help with the diagnoses. This is truly the hardest thing I've ever done but knowing there is a reason Mom does this and other stuff like taking the silverware, cloth napkins, styrofoam cups, pill cups coveting her roommates diapers and stuffing her walker with as much junk as she can find makes it easier to turn the other cheek. "I DON"T WANT TO GET OLD"

I agree Rackem, one of my mother's former doctors felt that she didn't have Dementia/ALZ and wondered if we were being overly controlling or protective of my mother. Sheesh! Regarding a nanny cam, we did that a few years ago and it worked for two months and then my mother started claiming the lady ("the stealing and lying woman" was able to sneak in somehow and fool the cameras. After that we definitely knew what we were dealing with...

Mom, craving the spotlight at family get-togethers, does the same thing. ... She's amazing! The Puerto Rican Ernest Hemingway of BS. And her marbles are quite intact.

I gather that as a child no one paid her much attention, so she made up stories that became harder and harder to recall as the years passed. Put simply, she couldn't keep her lies straight.

Her mind is still sharp as a tack, but her memory is quite selective. When she's not aggressively denying she ever said something, she claims her mind is going and fake-cries.

Her croco tears don't fool me anymore, so every now and then I tell her: "When you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything Mom."

Dad sees things on television and they and they are real to him. After an episode of NCIS he accused me of strangling him until he blacked out. After Adult Protective Services investigated me, I had the cable tv disconnected. We now watch Disney and other family friendly TV. And yes, he clearly remembers having to shoot his dog, Yeller.

There are no generalizations that can be applied here. Rule out physical issues that can be corrected though. A UTI can cause hallucinations, as can running low in certain minerals. My mother in law had mice and moths, people stealing her stuff, and grandchildren drinking their acne pad solutions until we got her potassium levels back to normal. My father saw a Don Knotts movie about him being an astronaut, and then suddenly recalled going to the moon with Mom back in around 1960. He never lost that one. He couldn't remember anything about his own life, but he held faithfully to the made up stories.

seven13 - you have just described the STORY OF MY LIFE right down to the B-12 shots!!! She will go on and on about needing her shot when I have already given it to her! Anything to make it look like 'I am not handling things adequately.' I have reminders for EVERYTHING in my phone!!! What would we do without smart phones!!

Only difference? Now we GO PLACES and DO THINGS and we don't worry about her anymore. I arrange for daily phone calls and visits from friends and my kids, I stock her fridge and freezer and we leave and don't look back. I tell one of her other kids that if there is a major emergency - HANDLE IT.

Last time - we were gone 2 weeks! We plan to be gone THREE WEEKS next winter.

Last winter - she had her neuralgia problem because her youngest child came to see her (always comes when we aren't home) and took her out in the chilly air and she got the head pain again. Of course, he was gone by then - so my son had to deal with the ER. the ER doctors wouldn't give her her 'usual' meds for it since she had a stroke a year ago - so she ended up enduring the pain for the entire 2 weeks we were gone. After a few days of pain - she COULD HAVE and should have called her own physician to let him know she was still in pain and needed a different medication.

As soon as I got back I called the doctor and got her neuralgia meds - the ones she took before - and the pain subsided in a day or two. She tells everyone she can take care of herself - if that is so, why didn't she call the doctor and tell him she needed a different medication - that the pain was the same as before, etc., etc? ER doctors often take the safest route and weekends are not the time to get hold of your own physician. I hate to say this - but I take &%@#$% GOOD CARE of my MIL and I stay on top of things pretty well. I got hold of her doctor as soon as I was made aware of her problem and got her meds ASAP and she was better in no time and NEVER ONCE did she say 'what would I do without you!'

Our son chose NOT to tell us he had taken her to the ER - he felt she was not in any danger and he knew it would spoil our trip. She had lots of phone calls and visits while we were gone and she could have asked any one of them to help her if she was really in that much pain. My son says she never complained to him. So, go figure.

OldCodger2, I enjoyed reading your postings.....two things stood out to me, the part about dehydration and the other about physical rehab. My mother had been hospitalized a few years ago for 3 wks and at the end of that the dr. said she could stay on for 2 more wks. (she wanted to) IF she would undergo a cardiac rehab course of exercises. A meeting was called, my sibling & I attended and so did two rehab nurses.\
They fully informed my mother what she could expect. Her nose wrinkled up, she lost interest in the conversation, changed the subject, started talking to the rehab nurses about their families, etc. She obviously had no interest in taking this course whatsoever.
When it came time for her to commit yes or no, she slammed her fist down on the bed and said, yelling "OK FINE!!! I'll do it then".
The 2 nurses looked at each other and left the room.
The next day we got a call from the discharge nurse. My sibling and I had six hours to go to another town; give notice that she would be vacating her apartment; bring everything she might need to my house; move furniture; clean three rooms, change a bed, set up a bedroom just for her.......and why? because she was TOO LAZY to do the exercises!! She just wanted to stay in the hospital because she believed she deserved the royal treatment! She had already been in there for three weeks for free! Just a slight example of the trouble they can cause.....by the way her family doctor was furious but she told him "I chose NOT to do it" hahahaha, good one, you wouldn't do the exercises, nor would you pay the $150 to take the program, when others with burns and broken bones could have benefitted from it .....imagine the spot being taken up by somebody as ungrateful as her when someone who may have been hit and almost killed by a drunken driver would jump at the chance to learn to walk and move again.......it disgusted me.
The dehydration one was a classic manipulation on her part. One day she called up and all I heard was moaning on the other end. I tried to get her to talk but all I got was "ahh.....ooh......ahh....." which resulted in me having to call the super in her building, then a friend in her building asking her to take her to the emerg dept. at the hospital (all because I lived an hour away) at which they gave her something to rehydrate her, and sent her back home (she again called a friend because she wouldn't pay for a cab). She was furious that she wasn't going to be kept in overnight because that meant that she would have to go home and do it HERSELF!!
By the time she left her apartment, she was doing nothing for herself....wouldn't shop, wouldn't cook, wouldn't clean. She would corral the Red Cross bathing lady into bringing up her mail and newspaper, and picking up coffee and donuts on the way over! One time she got herself into a pickle because she had asked two different neighbours to pick up groceries for her, and was terrified that each would find out about the other -- I had a real good laugh over that one.
Also just a word of caution - if they have friends in nursing homes or care facilities, be careful who they are talking to, because they learn all the tricks so that they can be admitted to hospital - dehydration on purpose and overuse of laxatives are two that come to mind.
Don't EVER underestimate them. They know how to wangle the health system and how to pull strings not to mention getting you to jump through hoops for them. I will also go so far as to say that they enjoy creating drama around themselves ("It's Friday night! I need my B12 shot! You'd better get a hold of my doctor right now - I can't go without it!!" - dr. in another town, a long weekend.....) and it is always, always about them. They could care less how much you are inconvenienced because it's happening to you, not to them. They also would never entertain the thought of doing this to your sibling who is not their caregiver, because it puts them in a bad light - G-d forbid!! - and they enjoy making you look like the bad guy "Can you imagine? how could she forget about something as important as my B12 shot? Maybe I should look at going into a facility......."
By the way, she had already had her shot for the month...........

Being a caregiver,I learned quickly that trying to correct or argue about something that was not even worthy of the wasted time,was just that,a total waste of energy. Dementia pateints see things in such a different way that to them this is truth and your trying to confuse them worse than they already are. So my advice would be to talk as always and make a mental note that she could be embelishing or outright lying ,for no other reason than to just get a bit of extra attention.
Just don't sweat the small stuff. For your own sanity.
moonshadowgal

Dementia removes the inhibitions , hence a lot of the outbursts and acting up, of which stories are a part. Reality and 'fiction' as it were, do mix; it is the reality for them for the moment, just like a son may become their husband, or brother, or they look for you as a child, when in fact you are 50.
Distractions are the best thing, if it can pulled off, so much becomes for the moment, and older memories that surface get into a confused state, and mixed with the present
Hearing impairments and cognition interference add to the state, poor eyesight as well. There may actually be a lack of understanding of what has been said, and what we see as routine is no longer that simple.
Also too much stimuli at the same time, or even asking to participate in more than one task at a time, can derail everything
When we were very young and self centered with little comprehension of reality, how easy was it for us to think we were being abused....

THANK YOU Braida. Life is not always easy. My MIL does not deserve me. I am still kind to her despite what she is and does. Not many would be or could be. She is not neglected. My husband has told me many times that I have done more for my MIL than her own children - including him. I do everything for her that I have always done - except be her personal companion. That I will no longer do. I just cannot do that any more.

Sometimes I feel sorry for her - I used to take her out for rides in the car, we would take the ferry to a small town for lunch and then ride the ferry back again. She loved that. I would take her to a restaurant she loved at least twice a year - it was over an hour away from here. I loved her like a mother. But she has broken my heard and I feel betrayed and I don't trust her anymore. I told my husband to PLEASE not expect me to do the one on one things with his mom anymore. So, now - he takes time off work and takes her to her appointments. I just cannot bring myself to think of spending an hour alone with her every again. One or two minutes is all I can muster. Only essential contact. I hope God forgives me. I am doing the best I can.

My mother tells lies at my expense to get people to feel sorry for her. She has done it her whole life, but it has escalated since she has gotten older.

What I have done is confronted her in the presence of others. For example, at one point, we were attempting to sell our home (have her home and ours on 1 property). She started telling people that we were selling her home out from underneath her, often in my presence. People would scowl and look at me with a murderous look. I would stay calm and just say, "Mom, where is the for sale sign?" She said, "In front of the house." I said, "In front of whose house?" She gave me this mean look, pursed her lips and finally said, "Yours." I said, in front of the person to whom she had just told the whopper, "So whose house is for sale?" Her: "Yours." Then I said, "So we're not selling YOUR house 'out from underneath you' are we? We are selling ours, with no intention of asking you to move anywhere, are we?" Her, "No."

Then I saw the light dawn in the other person's eyes when they saw that she was not only lying but being manipulative. That's the way I have had to deal with my mother most times, if I am present. Unfortunately, there have been times when she's told lies that were not in my presence. However, if I am aware of them I make sure that I quickly give the person facts in a calm and concise manner.

Sorry Oldcodger2. What you are and have been going through w/ your malicious MIL is not funny at all. It's really a terrible story. I don't blame you for staying as far away from her as possible, and it's sickening to think of her telling lies about you behind your back. I can only hope that most ppl will see through her, and know her true nature. Hugs to you!

Sadly, I find very little humor in having someone you are caring for who cannot be trusted to tell the truth - even in the smallest thing. Unless you are the person they are attacking - it's pretty hard to even understand how it feels. It was literally YEARS before my husband actually SAW my mother in law in action - she let her hatefulness slip in front of him at dinner one night. I had been telling him of her personal attacks and since he had never know him mom to be this way - well, to be honest - he just wasn't sure that I wasn't just exaggerating myself.

But once he saw it and heard it and confronted her asking her WHY she said what she did to me in the way that she did and hearing her DENY saying it 10 seconds after it came out of her mouth and then hearing her attack me again by saying 'I just need to get a sense of humor' and him telling her he saw absolutely nothing funny in what she said to me and then having her say 'whatever.' Well, from then on be believed me and since then he has heard her say other nasty things to me. I pretty much stay away from her. It's the only way I have peace. Her stories are not funny stories. Her stories have only one purpose and that is to put me in a bad light and make her look like she is being neglected. No humor in that. I know that some of you may be dealing with something entirely different. There are a lot of different kinds of lies - some are just 'funny tall tales that anyone would recognize as tall tales' and then there is the insidious, malicious kind. That's what I am dealing with. Pretty hard to defend oneself against something that you don't even know is going on behind your back. Best to just not giver her any more ammunition than she can 'make up' on her own.

You must find the humor! It is important to protect yourself, you will not find any humor being held in a lock-up cell, trust me.

I just want to correct something I said in my post. I said it was an "entertaining" thread, only because some of the posts were funny. But I know it's NOT really funny to some who've had awful results from the lies, so I apologize for lack of sensitivity in that sense. I can relate to Rackem's comment. I'm a bit terrified too, at what's down the road. My sis, 18 months older than me, is starting to have bad forgetting signs. So, even though I write w/ humor, trust me.....IT'S NOT FUNNY! I just use humor to help cope. Please don't take offense. :-/

We have a very good primary physician - he 'takes time' with her and with me. Never rushes her appointments. He administered the test and after having MANY long conversations with my MIL - he feels that her problem is her inability to deal with her anger/rage issues. I trust him. The doctor told me that, sadly, I AM PER PRIMARY AND ONLY TARGET. I represent everything she has lost. I still have my husband, home, kids, health (sort of) and independence. All the things she no longer has.

That is what all her lies are about - to discredit me, humiliate me, vilify me - to paint herself as the 'victim.' She is not demented. A bit forgetful at time? Yes. Demented? Don't think so. Every person is different. Some can be mean to their caregiver and sweet as pie to everyone else. Happens all the time.