She says she just "washes" up and that is good enough. She is 87 and lives with us. Sometimes she does get confused..has cataracts (legally blind) and is terribly hard of hearing. She refuses to have a cataract operation which would improve her eyesight and does not want a hearing aid. I was able to get her to a doctor only one time since she has been here and she refused all tests. She just continues to say she is fine. Even though she does not smell...I know she needs to get in the shower and scrub up. I told her it would probably make her aching back feel better. Any ideas on how to get her in there? Thank you.
I think Nancy's idea is excellent, if your aunt would agree.
There also comes a time when caregivers have a right to be insistent that someone for whom they're caring cooperates so that the best care can be administered under the circumstances.
This goes beyond the issue of bathing and extends to medical treatment and tests themselves. Is she someone who grew up in a rural area, or farm, where the family used home treatments and didn't interact much with the professional medical establishment?
I think I would try the "dry run" shower procedure that Nancy suggested, but if your aunt becomes resistant and/or aggressive, let it go. Then wait until some time when she's in a good mood, talk over the situation, explain your concern for the health of her skin (which isn't being helped at all by lack of thorough cleaning), and if you're comfortable with this approach ease into the fact that you want to provide her with the best care possible but can't do so unless she agrees and cooperates. Don't give her the opportunity to say she's fine and doesn't need all that medical stuff, which I suspect would be her response.
Drop the issue, leave the room, and move on to some other activity and let her think about what you said.
Good luck; these situations can be so difficult.
I was so surprised when I, myself, developed claustrophobia regarding the shower.... never had such a problem before but in the past couple of years I was dealing with my own serious illnesses which could have triggered it. Thus, I was thinking your Aunt's progressive loss of hearing and eye sight could do the same thing.
If that might be one of the root cause for your Aunt not showering, what I found for myself was to leave the shower door opened a bit, that had really helped me.
If you aren't already using one, buy a Rubber Maid shower mat to put down, that helps giving one's feet a more secure feel. As one gets older, falling in the shower/tub is always a fear.
How does she manage washing her hair? Is that done at the hairdressers'?
Tread carefully. She's gone two years without a shower (crikey! - really??), and that does kind of make her point that there is 'need' and there is 'need.' She could say with some justification that clearly showering is not essential.
I think the thing to work on is getting her to remember how pleasurable bathing and showering are, and at the same time try to identify what factors are bothering her. It could be fear of falling, it could be just too much like hard work, it could be anxieties about people - i.e. you - having to be called on for help if she gets stuck… or it could be that she prefers not to think about it too much and has just generally gone off the whole process.
Meanwhile if she's not smelly she must be washing thoroughly, so that's something. No rush, just see what you can do to change her mind. Good luck!
Do you ever discuss business issues, especially those related to the business she ran? And BTW, what kind of a business was it?
If she can be motivated by her previous business drive and see a life for herself given her limitations, perhaps she'll begin to take a different approach to adapting to her current life.
Years ago, it was much more involved, and it was done as in-patient surgery, with the patient lying flat on their back for two days afterward, their head held immobile with sandbags. Maybe your aunt thinks it's still like that.
If she could see better, the shower might not be so intimidating to her.
Glad to know I am not the only one dreading it when the time comes. Always afraid of the outcome, will everything make me feel dizzy, silly stuff like that.
Then have a warm flannel sheet to wrap her up in.
If she still refuses, maybe consult with physical therapist for some suggestions.
It's tough when they won't bath, but most are afraid of slipping or no longer like water splashing in their face.
Good luck.