Average age in assisted living?

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Average age in assisted living?

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My mom is FINALLY in assisted living, as of 11 AM today! She is telling me that, at 79, she is like the youngest one around. I wasn't with her when she went to her meals or to the monthly birthday party so I don't know firsthand, but I was surprised to hear that. I do know that her neighbor is 89 and the lady across the hall is 99. But I didn't think 79 would be young for assisted living?

I told her Sunday, set up the apartment on Monday (while she was home with caregivers) and brought her over this morning. Sunday was bad but not a complete disaster. Monday morning was bad but the caregivers worked their magic and by the end of the day she was picking out things she wanted to bring with her and hugging my husband and saying thank you for all his work in setting up her new apartment. Wow!

I've had 3 calls this evening but not too bad. Of course the obligatory "I can't make the TV work call"!

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againx100: When my sister in law began to have medical challenges, she opted for assisted living at the young age of 64 and 1/2.

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If you need the help at any age, I think it's a great thing to recognize it and decide to get the help you need. Good for her!

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It looks like others have suggested that the average age may be a bit older than your Mom, but I think that she would think so, anyway. We mostly age a lot faster on the outside than we do on the inside. I am "only" 71 (a few days from 72) but I find myself constantly seeing other older people that look so "old" to me, but I do not see myself or my sisters or husband as being so very old. It is only when I look at photographs taken 30 or 40 years ago and mentally compare them to what I saw in the mirror that morning that it really hits me that I HAVE aged, after all.

Those little changes come so gradually and the lighting in my bathroom is not too bright. I am sure that the "old" lady in the store 10 feet away looks at me and thinks "at least I don't look like THAT. In a room full of 70 year olds, I am likely to have the first reaction that these people are so OLD, but then I have to reconsider and think that I am TOO.

Getting old is tough work. It takes some getting used to.

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LOL I know all about that lady in the mirror. Ugh. I try not to look too long or too hard. I often compare how I look to some else, some younger, that have not aged well at all and that makes me feel better. And activity wise and strength, etc. I know I am doing VERY good for my age so that helps the self esteem a bit.

Mom seems to be adjusting to everything, including being the young one.

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Additional note from me...Just read some of your other posts. Your Mom will do fabulous in this place. She is socializing so quickly! It may have given her a bit of notoriety to be the youngest. How refreshing to have that tag at her age. And in those places, older folks love having younger spirits in their midst. This is an ideal adjustment. So happy for your Mom. Consider yourself very lucky, regardless of any complaints your Mom might have. 🌞

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Thanks! She's always been a complainer so it's not really any worse than usual which is pretty darn good. I'm sure she likes the attention of being known as one of the younger ones. Some guy even kissed her hand the other day. Now all the other ladies probably pity her or hate her??!! LOL

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That's fantastic that your Mom is settling in so fast. Amazing, really. Bless her. It may have made all the difference her knowing or thinking she is youngest at that facility. It may have given her an ego boost like I'm not old and end of life like these other people, I just need more help than I can get at home. Lol And maybe kudos to that facility that yhey kerp people going! It also makes all the difference that your Mom has what sounds like a good amount of family support close by. Bless you all for your lovingness. Keep it up and it will all work out. God bless!

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Thanks you! I had visions of it being so much worse, given the things I've read. It's not perfect but she's behaving much better than I had expected.

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Me too at 78. But a youngster of 75 moved in. We have tons of people in their nineties, somei over a hundred.

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My mom is 81 and is one of the youngest as well. But the funny thing is the 90 yr olds are in better shape than her. I would say 85 is the average age.

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That seems about right. My mom has been old for her age so I guess it kind of makes sense that she is on the younger side. I haven't heard anymore about that but it is what it is. Dementia strikes at all ages.

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I guess, based on just my own experience, that I'm not too surprised. My in-laws both lived at home until the very, very end (weeks) in their 80s. My mom is 84 and just put a deposit down on an independent living apartment. My stepmom was probably about 79 when she went. Best wishes to all of you. It sounds like she will adjust pretty well.

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Congratulations for your mother!! She is fortunate to have such living options.

My late mother had to go into a NH for several medical conditions and falls at age 93. She wanted to stay with me at our place forever and refused home help until more injuries forced her into a facility. Mom always put on makeup to leave her room for the dining room and some social fun. She even got her hair done until 6 months before her death at age 95.

I am only 67 and would like to join a Bay Area facility with three levels of care near where I live but don't have the financial means to move. I also live where no relatives exist but still cannot relocate until further notice. Likely be forced into a facility similar to my late mother's situation. It takes Money, Honey!

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Thanks for responding. It is VERY expensive, no doubt. I don't know if mom's money will run out before she needs to move to a different level of care, but I'll have to cross that bridge when we come to it.

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Ugh. I went through this with my mother. She was 79 last year when she moved into AL and was one of the few people who could still walk (she fell constantly). She kept saying, "Look at these people! They're all old and in wheelchairs." It was so frustrating. Not six months later, she had declined so much that she is now living in a skilled nursing facility and is wheelchair-bound. And she STILL rolls her eyes at other residents.

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Thanks for responding! Wow I'm surprised that so few of the people in AL could still walk! At my mom's place, the vast majority are ambulatory, some with walkers, a few scooting in wheelchairs but most are just walking on their own. I know when I look in the mirror the woman looking back at me is much older looking then I could ever be. Ugh. Not something I like to dwell on but OTOH I don't really care. It is what it is. I expect my mom to continue to decline and if they find her to be too much work we'll have to increase her level of care and/or rehire some aides to come work with her. And then she'll end up in a SNF or. memory care, depending on what type of issues become her biggest obstacles to staying in AL. The thing I dread about a SNF is having a roommate! It really stinks that they have to live with a stranger and there are always issues with the stupid TVs! If my MIL lives long enough, I'm hoping her and my mom can become roomies where my MIL is. That would make visiting them so much easier and they can look out for each other.

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I’m so happy for you, and this post was very uplifting. Our parents were dead set against anything other than their own home, but they weren’t able to stay in their huge split level, without help, so when our youngest sister, 14 years younger than me, the oldest, made no moves toward moving out, she just stayed in place, and naturally became our parents full time caregiver. Was it an actual plan, or did it just fall into place over the decades? Our family has never once discussed it. We’re not allowed. We can discuss everyone else in the family, BUT not mom, dad or baby sister. They are off limits.

I’m thrilled you were able to get a possibly better situation for your mom, and def for yourselves, getting more help and your home back! I’m so glad you don’t feel guilty, and I truly hope your mom settles in and gets more and more comfortable, with time. She is doing fantastic, imho, already being social and hanging with new friends! That made me cry, wishing my folks could have been more open to other possibilities. I listen to our kids, so does my husband, appreciate their advice and suggestions, but in my family, mom and dad did exactly what they wanted….period, and no discussion. Until our kids were in their mid 30’s, I did not try realize how dysfunctional my primary family was and is. It’s jarring, but also, enlightening.

My two year younger sister suggested our folks check out a brand new asst. living home, 20 years ago, when they were our age. They refused to even consider anything, but their own home, but did not hold up their end of the bargain, for staying there. Eventually we relocated the three of them to a three bedroom, two bath condo, in tune with their needs, but so much smaller. Claustrophobic, and filling up too fast. And they rarely leave home, becoming hermits. 🥲

I love reading posts by folks who are making wise choices, hard choices, and it is turning out ok! My best wishes to your mom and your family.

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Thank you so much! I'm glad my story is helpful to you. Good luck with your situation.

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I don’t think they want to see themselves as old!

My mom never looked her age. She didn’t have wrinkles. It’s in the genes because her mom didn’t have wrinkles either, nor do I.

Mom was vain. She dressed very stylishly. Grandma too. So did my great aunts. They never looked like they were home doing the wash.

Honestly, I think a lot of that generation came from the Hollywood glamour era. My mother didn’t even go and get the mail without her lipstick on!

One of my funniest memories is when mom’s ophthalmologist said to her that she had to remove her makeup before doing her cataract surgery. She wouldn’t listen to me about not wearing makeup. So, I let the doctor tell her.

My mom said that she couldn’t remove her makeup because she was being filmed! LOL 😆 The doctor had to explain that the film was only shown to the patient’s families in the waiting room area and that only the eyes are shown.

None of my great aunts had wrinkles. I do know that one of my great aunts drowned herself in Oil of Olay! LOL If I had a dollar for every time I bought a container of Oil of Olay for my mom, I would be rich!

My grandmother didn’t do anything special for her skin, just soap and water.

I was grateful to Barb here on AgingCare for giving me tips for removing her chin hair. Up until just about the end of her life in her hospice home she wanted her chin hair removed.

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The cognitive issues impacting people at younger ages is due to a number of lifestyle factors. One large contributor is the prescribing of anti-anxiety medications and other psychotropics that work by decreasing the firing of neuro- synapses in the brain and generally decrease vital neurotransmitters like acetylcholine, usually by blocking the receptors for these neurotransmitters in the brain. Heavy metal toxicity and nutritional deficiencies also play a huge role in decreasing mental acuity in aging.
Studies show that mental acuity, memory, etc., are increased by even 1/2 hour of light physical activity 3 xs weekly. hydration is also key.

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When my mom was 95 up to age 98, she told me that everyone looked old

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The US average age in AL, according to Consumer Affairs:
Feb 16, 2022 The average age of assisted living residents is 84. Though most facilities allow patients as young as 65, 52% of residents are over 85 and 30% are between 75 and 84.

Give your mom time to adjust and make some friends, get involved in activities, etc. Sounds like it's going well so far, but some bumps may arise along the way.

My Mom seemed to enjoy her private room and new freedoms when initially admitted to the NH, not so much by the time she needed MC; she's 88 now and has been in-care since we lost Dad just over 2 yrs ago.

Your mom is relatively young, depending on her health and cognitive status, but no spring chicken either and is certainly an appropriate age for AL. Hopefully, she'll be able to enjoy the activities, companionship and outings that many places offer.

Best -

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My aunt was angry her first week at AL. But she made friends and had fun the 2 years before she died.

Avg age at her facility seemed to be 85.

There was one lady who was 103 and still got around pretty well.

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Thanks! So if 85 is average then 79 isn't soooo young.

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Congratulations on making that happen. I hope she settles in and enjoys her new surroundings.

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Thanks! It was a long time coming. She'll settle in and I think (hope?!) that she'll enjoy it.

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It’s interesting to see the variety of assisted living options available now.

Also, how different the residents are and their taste in where they choose to live.

We have several facilities in our area that have cocktail bars with fancy appetizers, pianists playing in the lobby, well prepared food, swimming pools, tons of activities and functions to attend if they wish. They have field trips scheduled and so on. Religious services are available for them. Hair salons too. I know of one that even has a guest suite for out of town visitors to stay in.

I often see the shuttle buses running around town.

Residents either participate with others or they choose a quieter lifestyle.

I think that it depends on the health of the individuals and their personalities rather than their actual age. There are young 80 to 90 plus year olds!

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Those are some pretty swanky places! Mom's has a hair salon and a pool (but the director said maybe mom shouldn't go in due to her incontinence - couldn't agree more).

Yes there are many young acting 80 and 90 yo. My husband hunts with an 85yo. He's slowing down but damn. I have a friend my mom's age who is doing amazing. And and 83yo that still rides her horses! And then my mom who has no interest in staying active or taking care of herself.

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According to https://www.aplaceformom.com/caregiver-resources/articles/assisted-living-statistics it's 87.

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Except nowadays with dementia setting in younger and younger, people are requiring AL younger and younger. When I worked in Memory Care Assisted Living, we had 2 women in their low 60s w advanced Alzheimer's and 1 man in his mid 60s living there. Sad, I know.

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I am so happy for you! I did laugh at the "can't make the TV work." The many, many calls my LO made to me and my DH about the dang TV, the remote not being hers (???), and her expectation that the cable channels in the nursing home would be the same as the cable channels at her former home so why can't she find her favorite shows? Sigh....

Anyway, to your question, I'd say 79 is not too young for AL. My LO needed full-on 24/7 nursing home care at only 75. Sad. She was so bad off that she was not a candidate for AL at that time and her condition never improved significantly to where she would ever, ever go to AL.

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Thanks for responding Mystery. I can't tell you how many times my hubby and I have had to go down and "fix" her TV. Somehow she was constantly getting stuck on nextflix when she never wanted to be there in the first place. Of course she had NO idea how that happened. She didn't do it, that's for sure. She's brought me 2 TV remotes and asked me where to hang these phones up. Oh boy.

Sorry your LO needed so much care so early. But she's certainly not the first or the last.

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My mother was THE QUEEN of being 'too young' or 'too with it' or too whatever to 'belong' in AL. Everyone else was 'worse off' than SHE was, which enabled her to feel 'better than', which was her whole goal in life ANYWAY. So I went along with her on that distorted thinking, and it made her happy to feel that she was in MUCH better condition than the rest of the elders in AL or MC.

When I first got mom & dad into the AL that they wound up living in for years, Linda, their neighbor across the hall, was around 68 years old. She voluntarily moved into AL (can you even FATHOM such a thing??) with her little dog b/c she was tired of trying to manage her life and her migraine headaches alone. She loved being waited on, having a staff to look after her and her dog, and being served 3 meals a day in a beautiful dining room overlooking lush gardens. On the other end of the spectrum, other elders living there were 100 years old. It ran the gamut.

Your mother WILL look for every conceivable reason under the sun to complain and for why she 'doesn't belong there'. Just agree with her and change the subject, that's my advice. I'm glad to hear she's hugging your DH and thanking him for all his hard work in getting her set up. In time, she'll likely grow to love her autonomy and wonder why she fought it off for so long. Watch and see.

But don't expect the complaints to ease up........it's what they DO! And it runs the gamut from everything from the food (especially) to the behavior of the other residents.

Keep reminding mom to PUSH THE BUTTON or PULL THE STRING or whatever she needs to do to get the caregivers attention so THEY can help her instead of you. She's so used to calling YOU for everything, that she's still in that mode now that she's paying OTHERS to do for her! :)

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Thanks Lea. You're the best!

I'll have to work on reframing this somehow so she doesn't believe the crazy notion that she's too young to be there! Um, yup, you NEED to be there. It's not about age.

Oh boy, my mom is an expert at complaining! Her favorite is to complain about every little ache and pain. Even though they're the same ones she's had for a loooooong time. We've tried meds, PT, etc. but some pain is just there. I really DON'T need to hear about it every day!

OK good idea to agree and change the subject when she trots 101 reasons why she doesn't belong there. Hmmm, interesting, mom.

She hasn't asked me for much. She gets 3 med deliveries a day and other assistance so hopefully she'll get most of her questions answered then. Though the likelihood of her remembering them at the right time is slim. But I will start saying "umm, I don't really know mom. You'll have to go out to the nurse's station and ask". Like the TV - I walked her through it last night but next time I'll tell her to ask the staff.

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I found in Moms AL there was a mixture of ages. Like said, age is irrelevant. 79 is not too young for AL. She just needs to socialize and find people with like minds and interests.

It will be an adjustment but she needs to see she is getting her independence again. The staff are just helpers when she needs them. Your relationship will be better because you are no longer responsible for her total care. You can enjoy her as a daughter.

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Thanks JoAnn. I am looking forward to just being her daughter again.

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You did it! Yayayay! Proud of you for making it happen! 🎉🥳🎈

My mother went into Assisted Living Memory Care at 78. There were a few younger, and a few older than her. 😎

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Thank you! I'm proud of me too. But other family, excluding my sister and daughters, don't think it was necessary etc. Ugh.

MC at 78? OK, I feel better about regular AL at 79. I just remembered that my first FIL went into a nursing home for his early onset dementia back in the early 90s, before I'd every heard of MC, when he was still in his 60s. I guess it really is just dependent on their capabilities, or lack thereof, not their age.

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My mom would say see that old woman who had white hair and my mom had very little gray hair. I told her “you’re old too, you’re 92”. She would laugh and agreed.

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That was 100% my mom. She never went completely gray, so she didn't think she qualified as old.

The only good part of dementia, too, was that she kept getting younger in her head. By the time she died at 92, she thought she was 16 and in the peak of health, bless her heart.

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Age is just a number.
I know a very young 90 year old and I know many young 80+
I also know a few OLD 60 and 70 year old's.
It sounds like your mom might be one of the young 70-80 year old's.
As difficult as it is she should get involved in activities as soon as she can. When you next visit, or even go on line I am sure there is an activity calendar and a calendar of outings. Get her to join in.
Quite often a facility will have "ambassadors" that will help new residents get acclimated to the activities, introduce a new resident to other residents.

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Thanks for replying. Oh, my mom is not young for her age.

She went to a birthday party at the facility yesterday. One of our home caregivers might be taking her down to exercise class when she takes her client down. So I'd say she's off to a pretty good start. I'll try to push her to do more. Oh, they have bingo which she used to play a lot until she started being physically unable to access the facility.

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Again
The average age is a little older than your mom according to some of the links on google. Consumer Affairs listed 84.
Your moms ALF is the one you want to know about if it would make her feel better to know. She probably has it figured out already just in looking around for someone she can relate to by appearances. My DH aunt will generally say she is 85 when in fact she is 96. Her roommate is 70. They get along great. As she gets to know them she may find it matters less to her that she is younger.

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Thanks 97! Aah so the average age is a bit older than mom so what she's seeing may be kind of true. It's probably what the older women are saying to her. She should ask them how long they've been there. Maybe they moved in around her age!

Sure any ages can get along just fine. I have friends all over the place, agewise.

Because my mom needs so much help and has mobility and incontinence issues, I've always felt that she was old for her age. So she'll probably fit in just fine. Once the catty ladies get over commenting on her age. Get over it girls! LOL

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Yay you!!

My mom started out calling us all the time.

We told her, "Mom, you have staff now. Ask them".

She said "oh, I couldn't bother them".

My SIL said "Mom, for what you're paying each month, you HAVE to bother them!".

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Thanks Barb! I will be using the same type of line if the calls persist. She is very close to the nurses station so she can go right over there to ask her 101 questions.

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This is wonderful news! I am so happy that your mom is settling into her new home.

Since she has just arrived she doesn’t know everyone yet. Has anyone on staff welcomed her and informed her of upcoming activities? She will have a chance to meet others at various times.

She was probably looking forward to seeing people closer to her age nearby her unit.

Is she interested in being social with other residents? Or participating in activities?

Suggest to her to speak to the staff about any of her concerns.

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Thank you! She has met some staff and her neighbor is her "buddy", meaning she agreed to walk mom down to meals and sit together. She's training mom on learning how to do it herself. We'll see how that goes. It's not so hard but her short term memory is akin to swiss cheese.

I think she will do social things. She already went to the monthly birthday party yesterday and had birthday cake.

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