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here. She is buying a house (escrow is 4-19) We were all going to live together. Now, I am panicking and want out. Finding out mom is going to be #1, by his words. I forsee disaster. Am I right ? Thanks, Rose
First of all, if you're living with him already, move out and get on your own. Next thing, when she moves in with him, wait a year and see how it all shakes out with that arrangement. You two still might get married in a year, but don't be living there in the midst of what is sure to be drama. Let him figure out what is more important first, mommy or wife. If it's still mommy in a year, then run for the hills and consider yourself to have dodged a huge bullet. Good luck.
Don't wait, he's already told you what his plans are. So, run for the hiils. Then do some serious reflection on your own or with someone's help to see why you selected him and someone like him selected you if you are to have the highest probablility of avoiding making this type of decisions again. Run, Rose, Run for the only thing I've ever heard or read whose than this is the young wife who told me that his parents went with them on their honeymoon! sick, sick, sick, Be thankful that he is honest with you, but still run and find a man that is ready to get married not some mommy's boy who is still her mamma's little man and probably is hoping you will be like a substitute mommy in ya'lls relationship given his mom is declining! He does not want a wife. Instead, I belief he wants a mom so he can remain a boy forever. What a Peter Pan life in Never land! wew! I must call it a night for if I read one more story like this I'll be too emotionally strung out to wind down. Again, run for the hills!
Rose, trust your instincts, pray. It really does sound bad. Somethings not quite right with this picture...and who wants a difficult life? Tread carefully, and guard your heart.
Rose, your man laid it on the line, now it's time to leave. It's fine to be concerned and care about his mama BUT he should've said .. . you're still my #1 and I'd appreciate it so very much if you'd help me with my mom or can we be a team and help mom, etc. Do not start a marriage with mom in the middle. There's no way it'll last, it's doomed from the start. My mom never lived with my husband and me but I had to stay at her house much of the week. The strain, stress and sadness nearly killed me. She's a "mommie dearest" and I'd come home crying a river offer her insults. I asked my hubby, if mom ran out of money, could she live with us and he said over his dead body. He loved me too much and he didn't want her upsetting our happy home. He was willing to help her financially, but not move her in. I'm #1 in his book and he's #1 with me. If you can't be first, then wait on the marriage. I'm not saying it can't eventually work for you two. But you have to be first from the onset.
Rose, you're engaged, not married. Phew! Lucky for you----you can still get out in time. I have found that marriage is hard work, even in the best of circumstances. Trust your instincts.
Rose, I pray you seek God for wisdom. naheaton and crowemagnum are correct. Your own instincts are screaming for you to make the right decision. Never hope for this boy to grow into a responsible man and loving husband if he's not exhibiting those characteristics already. Wishful thinking does not make for a good marriage. Choose wisely, and don't be another statistic. There's enough bad ones already. We are rooting for you, because it hurts to see people go down the wrong path.
Rose, Always posted before mine, but she has good advice, too. None of us know you, but we all want to see you on the winning side. Lots of wisdom in the replies above, praying you heed it!
Secret Sister, Crowmagnum, Always my duty, Anne, Tennesee, and Naheaton...I want to express my appreciation to you all. My mom died quite a few years ago. My brother and I cared for her for 5 years. She had dementia. My prayers go to all of you caring for your loved ones. Taking the time from your busy lives to read and comment on my pettier issue, fills me with a sense of awe for your compassion. I had my fiance read all your responses. We had one of the most serious, heart rending, conversations afterward. We discussed all our options, he didn't want to lose me. He talked to his mom. He is going to set her up in an apartment about5 miles from his house. When we get our house after we are married,(we're not living together). We'll make sure she is within 10 miles. And when the time comes she has agreed to assisted living. Sooooo....I don't know any of you....but in my heart I do. You are all Angels. Thanks for helping me keep my man !!! He is thankful for all the info. on this site. God Bless you all. Rose
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
My mom never lived with my husband and me but I had to stay at her house much of the week. The strain, stress and sadness nearly killed me. She's a "mommie dearest" and I'd come home crying a river offer her insults. I asked my hubby, if mom ran out of money, could she live with us and he said over his dead body. He loved me too much and he didn't want her upsetting our happy home. He was willing to help her financially, but not move her in. I'm #1 in his book and he's #1 with me.
If you can't be first, then wait on the marriage. I'm not saying it can't eventually work for you two. But you have to be first from the onset.
My mom died quite a few years ago. My brother and I cared for her for 5 years. She had dementia. My prayers go to all of you caring for your loved ones. Taking the time from your busy lives to read and comment on my pettier issue, fills me with a sense of awe for your compassion.
I had my fiance read all your responses. We had one of the most serious, heart rending, conversations afterward. We discussed all our options, he didn't want to lose me.
He talked to his mom. He is going to set her up in an apartment about5 miles from his house. When we get our house after we are married,(we're not living together). We'll make sure she is within 10 miles. And when the time comes she has agreed to assisted living. Sooooo....I don't know any of you....but in my heart I do. You are all Angels. Thanks for helping me keep my man !!!
He is thankful for all the info. on this site.
God Bless you all. Rose
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