I don't mean medically. I mean emotionally. I need me time. He gets restless very quickly. He is in rehab now. Maybe it will get a bit easier when he gets home. He had a stroke. But his mind is good. Can communicate. But can't use one hand and fingers. Wants out of rehab. At least out of building. No one else to help me.
It sounds like your husband will need a lot of your time and your assistance, but please remember to take care of yourself, too.. It's not selfish to try to have some downtime after he's settled back at home. It's necessary. Otherwise, you will wear yourself out.
It is important to start as you plan to continue once he gets home and not tolerated bad behavior.
You are his wife not his slave so you need to establish boundaries and fulfill your own needs from day one. It is easy to feel sorry for a spouse who has suddenly become disabled but your role is to encourage him to do as much as possible for himself. Use as much help as is offered to you whether hubby likes it or not. This is the only way you will survive and be able to care for hubby at home.
This is a major life changing event for both of you and needs give and take on both sides. It may help you to talk to a therapist because your marriage has also suffered a major assault and it will take time to adjust. A lot depends on the quality of your marriage before the stroke.
How do you balance your needs with your husband's needs? Well, in my experience, you tend to lean more toward his needs. His needs are greater, after all. Don't think you have to reach some arbitrary "balance" or should feel like a failure if you can't work out an "equal" arrangement. You probably vowed "for better or for worse" and this is the worse scenario. BUT you absolutely MUST recognize and honor your own needs, for me time, for health measures, for outside support. Maybe in terms of hours it isn't "even" or "fair" -- you may give him more; he needs more. But you cannot be a successful caregiver if you give you nothing.
Maybe for the first hours and days that he is home you have very little "me" time. That is OK. You can get by for short, intense periods like that. Within a short time you do need to start putting your own needs into the picture, too.
Could you hire a professional caregiver to come in for a few hours to give you a break? The agency I spoke with quoted a rate of $22 to 25 per hour.
I'm so sorry that you and your husband are in this difficult situation.
You cannot watch him like a hawk. You cannot spend your life watching him so that he does not fall. It's just not possible.
Meals are a big priority because the both of you need to eat and get your nutrients. Call the rehab center or his primary care doctor and ask to speak to a registered dietician (RD). Explain that you are not an expert on meals and that you need guidance. Prepare meals for the both of you and add things like salt, for example, to your portion. Your husband is more sedentary so he will need fewer calories, but he still needs nutrients as do you.
When my MIL was on coumadin, she also avoided foods rich in vitamin K:
Other Green Leafy Vegetables High in Vitamin K (%DV per cup, cooked): Frozen Kale (1433%), Frozen Spinach (1284%), Mustard Greens (1037%), Spinach (1111%), Collards (966%), Beet Greens (871%), Swiss Chard (716%), Turnip Greens (662%), Dandelion Greens (471%), and Broccoli Raab (272%). But that does not mean that you should avoid those foods because you probably would benefit from adding leafy greens to your diet as they are loaded with antioxidants and you are in a high stress situation.
Is there a geriatric home visit program in your community? Or a visiting nurse service?
Get a calendar for the refrigerator and enter all his appointments. Try and stay organized because it will give you a sense of power and you will feel more in control. And set aside "me time" for yourself on the calendar because you cannot keep your eyes on him 24/7.
Set a schedule for him. Wake up time. Breakfast time. Lunch time. Snack time. Dinner time. Bed time. He was on a schedule in rehab. What was it?
And if he falls because he didn't listen - like my MIL did too many times to count - know that it is not your fault. Who can help you pick him up were he to fall?
The next stroke will be worse, so learn the routine now to be better able to cope then. The challenge is immense. Do anything and everything you can for yourself to ensure your survival.
I am fine. He is fine.
As for "me time", good luck, as it is tough to get ones mind to stop racing so that you can enjoy some quiet time. Even looking forward to a good movie or TV show, you might find yourself staring out the window and not paying attention to the movie or show. And all of that is so very normal.
If you want productive "me time", go through your closet and toss out clothing you no long want, and donate what is usable. Go through the linen closet, next. It will help keep your mind off of hubby for awhile, and it's a feel good task as now the closets look organized and someone else can enjoy the clothing if donated.