I don't mean medically. I mean emotionally. I need me time. He gets restless very quickly. He is in rehab now. Maybe it will get a bit easier when he gets home. He had a stroke. But his mind is good. Can communicate. But can't use one hand and fingers. Wants out of rehab. At least out of building. No one else to help me.
As for "me time", good luck, as it is tough to get ones mind to stop racing so that you can enjoy some quiet time. Even looking forward to a good movie or TV show, you might find yourself staring out the window and not paying attention to the movie or show. And all of that is so very normal.
If you want productive "me time", go through your closet and toss out clothing you no long want, and donate what is usable. Go through the linen closet, next. It will help keep your mind off of hubby for awhile, and it's a feel good task as now the closets look organized and someone else can enjoy the clothing if donated.
How do you balance your needs with your husband's needs? Well, in my experience, you tend to lean more toward his needs. His needs are greater, after all. Don't think you have to reach some arbitrary "balance" or should feel like a failure if you can't work out an "equal" arrangement. You probably vowed "for better or for worse" and this is the worse scenario. BUT you absolutely MUST recognize and honor your own needs, for me time, for health measures, for outside support. Maybe in terms of hours it isn't "even" or "fair" -- you may give him more; he needs more. But you cannot be a successful caregiver if you give you nothing.
Maybe for the first hours and days that he is home you have very little "me" time. That is OK. You can get by for short, intense periods like that. Within a short time you do need to start putting your own needs into the picture, too.
Could you hire a professional caregiver to come in for a few hours to give you a break? The agency I spoke with quoted a rate of $22 to 25 per hour.
I'm so sorry that you and your husband are in this difficult situation.
See All Answers