Latest update. Mom passed March 2017. I am feeling much better. But it seems that the small things are irritating me more. Traffic congestion. Having to go shopping. Any type of responsibility I have, no matter how tiny it is, irritates me. I've been wanting to move out of state, and as I search out apartments, the task seems to pressure ridden for me. And now I'm thinking I need to just completely chill out and not put any pressure on myself. I'm feeling somewhat fragile the more I gain clarity. I'm also feeling like I'd like to get in my car and travel around the country. I feel a need to get away from here where everything reminds me of my mother. And wonder if anyone else has experienced these feelings. Thanks for your help.
My mom passed in May and I'm still knee-deep in sorting her stuff. Every little thing requires a decision. I am in decision fatigue (at first I typed that indecision fatigue, also true!). In addition to my mom's stuff, I also have my dad's stuff (that stayed at their place until she died). Now I have his stuff too. So many things that require research (is there any value to the miniature trains he collected or should I just take them to a nonprofit and be done with them?) or just a basic decision. How many sentimental pieces of my mom and dad should I keep? Their marriage certificate? Their social security cards? Their dogtags? There are no children in our family to pass these on to and my brother is MIA, so it's my decision alone as to what to do with everything.
I am totally with you on the schedule piece of it. I don't want to schedule ANYTHING. I have a certificate for a free massage from a friend and I don't even want to schedule that, LOL. After years of being so busy with mom and so scheduled with my nonprofit job (that ended last month), now I just want to sit and ponder my navel for a while. But it's hard not to feel like I'm wasting time. I have to keep talking to myself to give myself permission to take whatever time I need to figure out what to do. I have all of the time in the world.
So just relax and know that when the time is right, it will FEEL right and you won't be seeing the other behaviors (anger) you're seeing right now. Be gentle with yourself. {{{{Hugs}}}}
I'm very sorry to hear about the loss of your dear friend.
Dear Bloom,
I think what you are going through is natural and normal part of grief. I know it doesn't feel like that, but from everything I have read it is. After my dad passed last year, I, too was struggling with the same. I felt hypersensitive. People could say something well meaning but I would just take it the wrong way. I felt no one understood me.
I am also struggling with this decision to "run away" so speak. I debated about selling the house, quitting the job and just starting over in a new town. 11 months later...I still don't know what to do with myself. I try to do the every day stuff and hope to get to the next day and the next. I hope to find my footing again.
Everything you have said or asked about mirrors what I was thinking too. As Branchingout said, its a good idea right now to try and focus on self care. I know its a lot easier said than done. I really struggle too but I have to keep the hope that "this too shall pass." My one counsellor said generally grief gets a little better after 18 to 24 months...a very general timeframe. It could be shorter or a lot longer for others.
Hang in there, my friend. We are all going to make it, we have to.
So I have really blown up a couple of times. And I've given myself a pat on the back and permission to let 'er rip for the time being - it's some sort of release valve letting this happen. I'm usually very slow to lose my temper. I'm sure this feeling will dissipate, but not for a while as I have More upcoming stressful events and once more they revolve around health problems. Somehow these things are being stacked together for extra stress this year! I force myself to walk in the parks around here and that helps. I know just a few days away - or even one night - has helped me so much this summer. Take care of yourself.