My 66 year old Father in law has had many strokes & his wife passed away in October. He is now living with us and is peeing the bed every night when the bathroom is right there. He refuses to do anything for himself. I am very stressed and dont know what to do can someone please help me?
Like so many other facets of caregiving, it comes down to how much you are willing to tolerate. One thing that improved my stress immensely was setting firm, clear boundaries. Firm and clear are very important. Make it known what sort of things you will do and will not do, and make it clear you are not responsible for decisions he makes.
By settings these boundaries, you are not setting ultimatums, you are saying "I am here to help, but I'm not powerless or a fool".
Remember, you can't control what he does, but you CAN control whether or not you continue to provide care.
Try to stay positive, good luck!
One thing I did that may help you is to buy a trash can with a good lid, and make it clear that all soiled clothes and linen go in it. It helps to contain the smell, but obviously it must be checked and cleaned often. Also, as Perseverance said, adult diapers are no longer optional.
There are agencies that can help if you can afford it or he has good insurance. They will come out and do all sorts of things to help, from laundry to bathing etc. Maybe set up a situation where you have a day or so off from caring for him every week?
A lot of respect to you for wanting to keep him home as long as possible. Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders, so just hang in there!
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