My mother (68) has multiple medical issues. Dementia-diabetes-high blood pressure etc. Step dad takes care of here. My step dad that is 80yrs old takes care of her but its getting harder and harder for him. He moved her out of state last year because he wanted to go back to Kentucky where he is from. I frowned upon it because they were getting more help here . I am a nurse myself and do the best I can but I have a full time job . My step dad said things are getting worse and my mom wont do anything to help herself. she has a aide that comes once a week there to help her bathe otherwise she refuses too and a nurse once a month to change her catheter. My question is when do I decide it would be best to go get my mother and bring her back to Ohio possibly to stay with me or nursing home placement.??
When someone with diabetic with dementia, it can help to get them to a geriatric psychiatrist to see if there are medications that can help with her mood. Feeling better mentally may help her care more about herself physically. My mother has all the conditions you mentioned. The one that is most detrimental to her quality of life is her downcast, defeated, anxious mood. My mother has made a late-life career of being sick. We couldn't find any medications that helped my mother, but many people are helped by finding the right balance of antidepressants and sedatives to help with their mood.
When it comes to diabetes, I do feel for the patient who must rely on others to monitor and control their blood sugars. I am a Type I diabetic and cannot imagine relying on someone else to be in charge. Does she take pills, injections, or both? It's very difficult, IMO. Do you know what her last A1C was?
I would work on getting Step dad to share the reality, try to discuss plans and agree on something that makes sense. If he's not willing to move on it. I'd seek legal counsel in their state of residence. It might be tricky, but I've actually seen it done before. Good luck.
What do you think would happen if Step dad told her that she should come back to your town for a while to get her health restored? Would she agree to that? If they decided to live separately, I'd explore what if any consequences that could have on their finances and/or marital property.