So mom has PSP and is in a nursing home. She is a very nasty, manipulative, and just plain mean to me every time I go to see her. I had to stop bring my kids there because they are getting resentful of her because of her treatment towards me. I spoke to the social worker at the NH and told her I can not take her behavior and treatment anymore (she even treats the staff the same way) The social worker said they will contact psych and review her meds as she has many symptoms of schizophrenia although we know the behavior is due to the PSP.
Anyways, the social worker said I should visit maybe once a week and maybe she will be more appreciative of our visits, but i cant help feeling now I have abandoned her in a NH and dont even visit. Not sure how to deal with the behavior and if not visiting very often will help.
Has anyone ever had to deal with this? Am I doing the right thing? Today will be 1 week since my last visit and im feeling VERY guilty.
Mom always had an edge to her... and then she was diagnosed with dementia and as it progressed her filters went out the window and she would say REALLY horrible things that made me cry repeatedly. I learned to tell her: Mom, that is so rude. I do so much for you and you are really ungrateful. I love you but I won't subject myself to such comments. And then I'd walk away. Blubbering.
I prayed relentlessly for her..she was an agnostic her whole life and didn't believe she needed forgiveness for her sins... and one glorious day, she prayed with me and became a Christian. She literally has been totally, totally transformed and now smiles ALL the time and says the SWEETEST, SWEETEST things EVER. Seriously. EVERYONE notices!!! And my siblings who don't know the LORD are also amazed.
Bless you. Real change - inward change - is possible - through Jesus.
This is one of those questions where there's no "right" answer. Since you haven't been to see her for a week, I'd visit soon. If she wonders why you haven't been around, calmly say that she is treating you poorly so you must visit less frequently.
If her behavior is completely beyond her control, then you'll have to understand that and go as often as you can handle it. But she may have some ability to control herself so that is worth a try. Just be kind about it.
I do think the social worker is right in asking the psychiatrist to review her meds, the dosages, etc. There could be a medication that is making her harder to get along with. There are some that do make some people very testy.
If there's nothing that can be done with your mother's treatment of you, you'll have to do what you can. See her as often as you are able without a lot of damage to yourself, and then try to let go of the guilt. You can't allow yourself to suffer constant abuse.
Take care,
Carol