Tried a caregiver but both Alzheimer's husband and caregiver are bored. Nothing to do. The caregiver said he became anxious after 3 hours together because nothing to do. I was so happy to get away but don't know to keep them busy. He doesn't like puzzles, board games, tv.
The care giver should be instructed to engage your husband in an activity. Card game, going of a walk if he is able, toss a ball around a light beach ball is a great way to keep hand eye coordination. A game like Jenga where he stacks blocks, does not matter if they actually play or not just stacking is good. Lego, I got the huge ones for my Husband to put together.
Adult Day Care if at all possible. He can get out and socialize and a day at Adult Day Care is probably less expensive than the day of a care giver. The one I had my Husband in for a while would pick up by about 8 and he would be brought back by 4. I then had to switch to another where I could drop him off by 9 and could pick him up by 5.
Does your husband like cooking or baking? Can the caregiver help him make cookies or cook dinner? A bit of supervision and it would be a safe project.
The funny thing about Alzheimer's or other dementia forms is you just might get him interested in something that he would not have done in his previous "life" Try painting or other art project, coloring, either paints or there are awesome coloring pencils and they are more vibrant than crayons. At some point you might have to switch to markers or larger colored pencils as it may get more difficult for him to hold a narrow pencil.
In mom's MC there was a woman who was always working on jigsaw puzzles. I would go over and work with her, as I too love jigsaw puzzles. Initially mom just came along, but she eventually started poking around and would spend quite a while with us, even getting some pieces together! This was absolutely something she would never have done before. Sadly we lost her a few months ago, just shy of 101 (and another woman came in who guards the table jealously!)
Mom also showed me a picture one day of a little white dog (not sure of breed) and told me she was going to ask my brother to get one for her!!! The poor dog would probably starve to death, but beforehand would rack up cleaning charges as mom wouldn't remember to let it out or feed it!! Point here is she TOLERATED us having a few pets (started with Duke, grandparents dog, then one other, plus some guinea pigs and a few pet mice and maybe way back some fish), but was NEVER a fan of them! NOW she wants a dog????
So, you never know what might interest a person later in life, especially with dementia!!!
Are you basically doing housework, cooking etc while he watches tv or keeps you company? If so. why not try hiring a housekeeper or someone who is willing to keep an eye on him or make cookies or work on your garden? Whatever he is accustomed to already might seem more natural to him. Perhaps it depends on your husband’s ability at this point as to what he will participate in.
I lost a good friend to Alz this past summer. The last few times we visited she would just sit with us. She lived on a large property where the family had two or three large dogs that she loved and they loved her. She would pet them over and over. Earlier visits she would snap beans or shell pecans or ‘help’ prepare a meal. She had become non verbal for the most part. One day we sat outside and talked about her days as a designer and what we especially liked that she had created. Out of nowhere it seemed, she said “ Yes, I was good at that.” To us, that was a great visit.
Or you might hire a bather that will come in and bath him, shave him, give him a pedicure, manicure. Have them do something that not only gives you a break but also does some of your chores.
if you have an adult day care nearby it may be worth it to check that out as well.
Don’t let boredom cause you to miss out on time for yourself.
It’s a job after all so you need someone willing to work on the solution.
edit. Sorry for repeating comments. They weren’t posted when I started. I’m slow.
Tell the Caregiver if she can't engage him, thats OK. If he didn't do things like cards and puzzles before he isn't going to learn now. As long as she bathes him. Dresses and feeds him while you gone, then she has done what she can. Tel, her she can bring a craft, like knitting or crochet. Her laptop. She can show him Yahoo news. Do her FB and show him things that pop up.
I have crocheted with plastic trash bags. You need to make "yarn" first. Maybe he could make the yarn. A Church in my area is making mats for the homeless to sleep on so their blankets or sleeping bags aren't on the cold ground or cement.
Love the idea of helping the homeless. Your church sounds awesome!
Try a different caregiver that will take on the job and has ideas on how to keep both of them busy and hopefully entertained.
I think that a lot of people don't realize that some activities don't amuse people who have dementia, because, they are not able to focus the way they used to, so reading, watching tv, playing games, etc.....might not hold much interest for them. The caregiver could do research and get some ideas on ways to amuse the patient. Or, you could provide them the assignments.
Coloring is fun for some, but, the patient usually needs constant direction to stay on course. I have a friend who's father enjoyed finding the red beans in a big bowl of white beans. She's paint a few red and her dad's job was to find the red beans and put them in a separate container for her. He'd spend a long time doing it, but, would have to be continually reminded of what he was supposed to be doing. Also, a person with dementia may tire and need frequent breaks to rest, get a snack or beverage. I might search for a person who might be better suited for your husband.
At home, she wants me to sit with her all day and chat. Because daycare is 20 miles one way (80 miles total, if I go home for part of day), I really can't take her 5 days a week. She goes 3 days so I can have time to go to the gym and shop. On her days at home, I usually need to clean and do things around the house rather than spend my time sitting and talking.
One of the earliest signs of dementia for her, was need to be around people and converse. Was okay in beginning, but now she expects us to entertain her constantly. Just gets old sometimes.
I feel for you Joannona. Hopefully, some of the suggestions of others can help you. I don't have much to offer, but do know that you are not alone.
Try to find a replacement who knows something about caring for dementia patients. Someone who takes responsibility for their job and themselves, and has ideas they can try for engaging the DH, plus a positive attitude about not giving up.
Or, if it's too hard to find caregivers in your area and this person does a decent job keeping your H safe, fed, toileted, and clean, tell that CG not to complain to you about boredom. You're paying that person to do a job, not to have fun.
Finally, just go take your breaks that you hired a CG for, and don't worry about it. Enjoy your respite times as self care is so very important!
My husband likes yoga, so I printed a few pages of easy “ chair yoga for Seniors” and they do that every afternoon. It lifts their spirit and they both feel productive.
Another activity in my house is for the Caregiver to take my husband to the Library. He loves that.
Another activity later in the day is playing dominoes. I told her to let him win so he feels successful. They both laugh a lot.
If the weather is good, I told them they have to walk 20-30 minutes. Some days they play hand ball in the back yard. Why not. It uplifts his spirit and I have a more pleasant environment.
My point is, we need to guide the routine and set it up for success. After a couple of days, the Caregiver
should move on, repeating or adjusting the activities you have shown her.
Worth the try. Good luck!
there are no day care programs in my area. If there was it would be a good solution. Caregiver was scheduled to return on this last Monday but my husband demanded she not come!
However, if he refuses to do anything with this (or any) caregiver, there is not much that can be done. This person seems, as others have said, to be in over her head. Sure, sometimes games, puzzles, coloring, etc can work for some people, but it depends on the person. A person providing care for a dementia patient has to have a large bag of tools to work with, as this is not a one-size-fits-all kind of job.
Others have asked - what does he do all day on days the caregiver isn't there? Why can he not do those same or similar things that day the caregiver IS there? What are his physical capabilities? Can he go out or be taken out for a walk? Can he exercise? Has he ANY interests at all? Small projects? Making thing? Keeping the mind AND body active are two of the recommended goals...
An easy, rewarding project is making blankets for pets in shelters. I have done this with three clients. Sometimes we work on the project for five minutes and other times longer.
I remind them of what we are doing or present it as if it was the first time. It just depends on the individual.
remember — they don’t have to be perfect— I cut the fringe with scissors and we tie the fabric together.
https://www.thesprucecrafts.com/fleece-tie-blanket-1252959
Coloring seems to be the activity most facilities choose as entertainment. I am the first to say a person with Dementia is like a child but when I see them coloring I feel its so demeaning. My girls got tired of coloring at 7. Me, I hate to color but that is me.
It is really hard to keep people with Dementia interested. Their minds just seem to jump from one thing to another. I really think its a special CNA that can keep her client engaged.
Others said this caregiver doesn't have the right skill set. You said: "Someone who knows how to handle a Alzheimer's patient. They should know."
We hired aides for a sanity check/make sure mom took her meds. I didn't care what they did otherwise. But I noted differences among them. It lasted a few months before she refused to let them in. Mom was then still mostly able to care for herself, but the time was coming when she would need supervision.
With cameras to monitor mom (just out/inside the door) and being there a few times when aides were there, one was a doll, the others, meh. That one would try to clean (bathroom, sweep floor, etc.), doing more than just sitting/chatting and mom would try to intervene! She likely thought of the person as a guest and was horrified that a guest would clean!
So, is this caregiver from a company or private hire? If it's a company, can you talk with them and see if there might be someone more suited to your husband's needs? You don't have to bad-mouth this woman. Interview/be there for initial visits and see how he/she interacts and if he seems to bond. Same for hiring private caregivers. You might consider hiring a male rather than a female - he might bond better with a guy.
From your response to me, there are activities that occupy some of his time. They would, to us, be random, silly things to do, but who knows what's going on in their minds! While picking up sticks is mostly pointless, it does seem to suit him! Getting outside, moving around, etc is GOOD! Our mom sits and reads sales catalogs. I wish she would move more/participate in other activities, but this is what she was used to (Marshall's, TJs, etc were her best friends - not ours, the amount of clothing, shoes and handbags we had to dispose of, we could've opened our own store!!!)
It is also good he goes places with you (market, errands, even work, although that might not sit well with your employer.) Mom started to make excuses NOT to go out, even to places she liked. She would also complain about having "nothing to do" and wanting to get out and do/see something besides the four walls. All her friends in her condo area used to go to free or low cost lunches (mostly sponsored by local AL places), but she started making excuses and not going to those.
"His interests change." Yup, just like toddlers, attention span of a gnat!! If you had kids, you know how they will focus on some new toy or game for a while, then lose interest. For toddlers, that's the time to put it away and take it out later, when it is "new" again.
This is why you need to try various activities, and see what works. They may not work every time or for long, but the more you have in your "kit", the more you have to distract him with! Trying various games or "busy" work, even things he would not have done before, and rotating them might identify more activities. As noted in my post, mom NEVER did or would have worked on jigsaw puzzles, so when I started doing them with the other resident, I was surprised that she joined in! Some of these "activities" will need input/working together from you or aide to keep him occupied. No games or puzzles? Given someone to work with, he might be interested, at least for a little while. You said he did the laundry folding sometimes, can you come up with other sorting type of activities, such as mixing a bunch of things together and have him sort them into bins? Try some craft projects geared for kids (safe glue, no real tools, etc.) They made birdhouses and other craft items at mom's place. Put out some bird feeders and have him, with supervision, refill those (outside again!)
If I had to care for mom myself and she would walk around picking up crap, I would hire someone with a good set of dementia tools (for times when walking might not be doable) AND encourage them to walk around as much as possible! Fresh air, moving, having a companion to keep company and perhaps chat with, all good for the patient.
Send him to a daycare that specializes in ALZ. Make sure the program has a wide variety of activities throughout the day and that it's okay if someone doesn't want to do one activity that they can do something else. My mom's program has music (people come in and perform) and the clients have musical instruments they can play along with, games (not necessarily board games), arts and crafts, animals visit, folding towels, occasionally watching old movies or tv shows, the men play poker with one of the owners (no money is exchanged), etc. It's a great program (Located in Rocklin, CA). Hopefully this suggestion helps. Best of luck.
Also, does music soothe him? What music did he grow up with? His caregiver can provide him with music therapy.