Very recently this week my bf dad been diagnosed with Leukemia stage 4 given 1 week-1 month max as they found another tumor. It’s hard as I wish I was there. I need some advice on what to say and everything. He’s constantly giving me updates but still. My bf has said there’s no use in any treatment as he doesn’t want his father to go through any pain as he’s been through so much already. His lower part of his body isn’t working great and he won’t be able to walk again.
At first he was given at least 3 months but now that he is critical it’s been reduced. I hope his dad will be able to come home and have some days with his wife and my bf and have some near to normal days with them.
I was with my bf from Feb to July and I’m so glad I got that much time with him.
This has all happened really suddenly and my bf is handling it well and has accepted it. He’s really strong but sometimes I’m truly at loss for words.
Plus being long distance from my boyfriend is harder as I’m not there and I’m not able to do anything physically, I’ve kept saying on message and call that I’m right here for him through it all and no matter what. We’ve been together 3 years 8 months. I see his family as my family so it was hard for me as well when I had found out.
Any advice or suggestions will be truly appreciated.
I spoke with my bf yesterday and I asked him how everything is going on with Dad. He said the doctors are trying all they can but at the moment, his body is literally shutting down. His lungs are affected, liver it’s all slowly spreading to the rest of his body. His lower part of his body is not working and he won’t be able to walk again. He’s also on artificial oxygen 24/7. My bf feels that his dad shouldn’t have to go through anything else and therefore doesn’t want to put his dad through any vigorous treatment, which I completely understand. He then explained it would mean having to find a kidney, liver etc, blood changes, just basically his dad would be going through a lot.
My bf feels that his dad should pass soon (I know it sounds bad) because he’s in a lot of pain and doesn’t want him to suffer anymore. He’s on pain medication I believe, he on high medication.
Him and his mum have both accepted the situation, although it will be extremely hard.
I do wish I could be with my boyfriend at this time more than anything and I’ve said this to him and he said don’t worry and don’t think about that now, these things happen. But truly wish I was there. I feel helpless but I’m doing all I can to let him know I’m right here as I’ve said before.
Sometimes when we call at the moment whether it’s video/audio call at times I’m so loss for words, it’s so hard knowing he’s going through this. He’s unbelievably strong :’(
I hope I’m saying the right things although I’m aware in these situations anything you say isn’t wrong necessarily but I’m so paranoid and just worried if I’m doing all I can for him or saying the right things
If in a hospital setting, he also should be on comfort care.
I think that was the plan at first but now that he’s became critical I think it’ll be hard for him. My bf did say that they would do a hospice and bring him home with medicines.
I do hope that it could come to that, so he can be home with his family.
I’m not too sure if he’s getting Morphine but I did ask him, I know he’s on a very high medication at the moment.
All those things are perfect to say now.
When at last his Dad is at peace help him to celebrate the love, the goodness, the joy of having him, as well as mourning the death. Follow his lead, be his support. Ask if there is anything you can do.
Shane's idea of the restaurant call is a great one.
I am sorry for the helplessness in the face of one you love grieving a loss. But I think your words tell me that in terms of being a loving support, you got this.
I definitely will do when that time comes, I’m afraid for that time and I’m sure my bf and his mum and his relatives are as well. But I’ll be sure to remind him that he’s dad has lived a very long and healthy life which he has until now. Yesterday while on the call before he put the phone he wanted to know what was going on with me and my knee situation (an injury I’ve had for nearly 2 years) so I just said oh don’t worry about me. But I realised he genuinely wanted to know and it’s okay for us to talk about normal things, I read somewhere that try and talk about usual things during these times, but I feel like right now with everything going on it will be in his head and wouldn’t want to talk about anything different, maybe, I don’t know.
I said I was sorry that I couldn’t be there and then he said I shouldn’t feel that way and it’s okay plus these things happen. I said well I am there for you, if not physically but in every other way, to which he gave a faint smile.
yes I’m going to look into the thing about sending food over.
Thank you that means a great deal for me!
Continue to be a good listener. Assist in finding a funeral home near them and ask your bf if that’s been taken care of.
I might be able to though either way. I’ve asked him if he’s eating properly and looking after himself and he says he is and not to worry.
Yes it’s true and your right, I’m just being there the best I can and letting him open up if he feels to.
Im definitely going to try and see if I can somehow send food over to his address.