Mom is living with my sister. She has been on a waiting list for the memory care center assisted living and they called saying they will have an opening soon. Mom is 88 years old and currently at stage 5/6. Every day is a new day but she still has enough cognitive memory I am afraid she will think we are "throwing her away" when we take her over.
How do we approach this discussion and what are the best words to use to explain to her when she won't remember the discussion the next day?
She's going so there's not much she can do about it and I don't know if there's anything you can do to make the transition easier on your mom. Her dementia is going to work against you and there's only so many times you can say, "We told about this mom but maybe you forgot, hmmm?"
Just remember that with her dementia she will forget being told. She'll forget why she's there. Be kind and gentle with her.
I'd slowly introduce her to it, make it something FUN. Have you taken mom for a visit to the facility?
It's awesome that you realize how strenuous it is being a caregiver... wow, your sister is lucky! With time and helpful guidance, it sounds like your mom might just do well in a memory care center. If nothing else, a gathering of dementia peeps is kind of fun :) especially for THEM! She may LOVE IT.
Nothing left to do but try eh?
I packed her a small bag and took it with us. Once we were inside, we talked to the director of the AL and we focused on the things she could do there, like games, movies, meals, outings, socials, transportation, physical therapy, etc. She talked about the meal options, beverage options, holiday celebrations, etc. She asked what kind of breakfast she preferred, etc. We talked about them administering her medications, transporting to appointments, etc. After awhile, my cousin said she would like to stay and try it. I was so relieved.
I would avoid discussion before she is in the door and papers are being signed. Is this a SECURE Memory Care facility? If it is, that's a reassurance, if not, then that's another issue you may have to address if she refuses to stay. I had to move my cousin to a Secure facility eventually.
I would praise her for making the right decision, Give her credit for the idea. She may not recall it wasn't her idea. Also, tell her how the people at the Memory Care facility said good things about her, like how nice she seemed, how they liked her outfit and how lovely her hair is. I found that when they feel admired by the staff and residents, they feel more comfortable there.