my dad is in the hospital and is having surgery tomorrow. My mom has dementia and has been staying alone. She needs someone to be with her but is so much against anyone helping her that I am afraid of how she will react to a stranger being in their home not to mention when I tell her how expensive it is going to be. I am so alone in the decision making and really don't know what to do. If anything happens to her I will never forgive myself. What do I do?
Several years ago, my Mom objected when I tried to hire a caregiver for a few hours a week....she wanted me to do everything for her and I was exhausted. I found a really good agency through our hospital's social worker. The manager came out to talk with us. He assured Mom that he would "handpick" the perfect person for her (she prefers a more mature woman). They found a really nice lady who Mom really liked.
We moved recently and are now hiring privately. Again, I asked around and found two really good caregivers. One comes in for an hour during the week, the other for 2 on the weekend. It just gives me peace of mind and a little break, and gives Mom someone else to interact with.
I found that Mom's most strenuous objections were when I was present. When the agency manager came, she was as sweet as could be. Maybe you could try that with your Mom. Tell her that this person is just coming in to do a little housework.
At some point you will just have to insist that she have a caregiver. I understand the part about not wanting a "stranger" in your home, but you have to weigh that against personal safety. The only alternative is for her to stay with you until you can make other arrangements.
good luck
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