Hi all, I need support so will lay out all the embarrassing details and I'll have a thick skin to read your responses. Don't expect sympathy cuz I've had lots of help for past 3 years but it's still exhausting. My Mom with psychosis of PD was at AL for 22 months (no memory care attached). Her difficult medication needs (9 times/day) couldn't be met so we provided our own caregivers with me there several hours a day. As her dementia and psychosis increased, we were with her 24/7. She was increasingly inappropriate to be at this AL so I moved her back to her vacant home on 9/14/16 with 24/7 care that included 2 of us with her during waking hours. After moving home my gorgeous brilliant Mom started eating rocks, gravel, leaves, bark and/or seashells on a daily basis with the occasional flower or other non food item thrown in. Mostly rocks and seashells. She has collected these things her whole life and there is an unlimited supply inside and out. 4 weeks ago she started falling, a lot. UTI was ruled out. Sometimes 6 falls a day or more. Last Saturday am she took 3 horrific falls and was eating beach glass. Then there was an incident where she had a BM into her 2 hands as I was trying to help her on the toilet and feces went everywhere. I had a breakdown (not mad at her but 3 years of frustration caught up with me) and knew I had reached my limit and took her to the ER for help with placement. She was transferred (I drove her as it was "voluntary" due to her lack of understanding) to a Senior Mental Health unit. She's been there over a week and will be discharged Friday. I can't do this anymore and have found a dementia care center where the residents are well cared for, their family members seem happy, and they promise they can meet her medication needs. The problem is my 24 yo son and 27 yo daughter. They have been 2 of her devoted caregivers and want to prove themselves to me by taking more responsibility for her care at her home. Every bone in my body and every ounce of sense I have tells me this is a bad idea and setting them up for failure. What a burden for 20-somethings. My husband has even joined their cause and I feel so guilty. But I can hold onto myself and do what I think is best for everyone concerned and what my Mom would have wanted before she got ill. But baring my soul for other opinions and a reality check from our community. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Suggest you stand your ground, with love.
You must be the one with more common sense for now. Not heartless, but the one who decides.
A dementia care center may not be able to keep her from falling as this happens regularly at my mom's facility but it will lift a burden from you so that you can continue to be her care overseer
God bless and let us know how the transition goes
Iron deficiency anemia and malnutrition can cause this, according to what I've read. And, incidentally, I crave crunchy food objects (celery, cucumbers) and have battled anemia off and on for years.)
Did some more quick research to see if I could determine what kind of doctor could be consulted for this; it seems that there could be a mental component and psychiatrists, psychologists could be involved, but a medical doctor would probably have to do the diagnosis.
It's interesting that she's been in a psych unit. You might ask the doctors there if pica was considered and if they did any blood work to determine if she was anemic.
I think an endocrinologist might be an appropriate doctor to evaluate if you think pica is a possibility.
It's the first thing I thought of when I read your comment about her eating habits.
Beyond that, I really wish I could offer some other suggestions, but I do think that the situation is beyond your control. You might consider a short trial period so that your family can feel as though they've given it their best shot, but set a deadline so that other arrangements can be made if necessary.
I really hope for a good solution for all of you; your post was so sad.
Is the good place you have found close enough so that your family can visit often?They can interact with her there, where she is safe and looked after. They can play a very helpful role in her quality of life, without taking on the responsibility for day-to-day care.
Do not turn back! You are taking the *only* rational, balanced decision. Hugs to your mother too, and may she settle happily into this good, safe environment.
Your Question is difficult to answer, since if You do not bring Your Mom home, Your Son and Daughter will feel cheated out of Caring for Their Grandmother, and You will suffer from FEELING GUILTY....I'm going for give Your Mom a chance and bring Her Home....Your Kids will simply adore You for doing so.....so also will Your Mom, and make it known if this isn't working out, You will have NO choice but put Your Mom into Full Time Care. Entrust Your Daughter & Son, also the Carers to Care for Your Mom, and take a step back Yourself Dmasty because You have done a very long shift Caring for Your dear Mom.
"We've given mom a lot of help to help her remain independent but Drs tell us mom needs more skilled care than our family can provide.
Gram mum would want you to live your life without burdening yourself with such demanding care. Gram mum scare needs are only going to escalate.
It's best for us to let skilled caregivers do their job and day to day caregiving duties with gram mum. Now we can be the loving children and grandchildren we want to be and spend quality time with gram mum without being worn out and frustrated.
I hope you can appreciate the hard decisions your dad and I have to make to ensure gram mum is safe and healthy.
Gram mum would want us to do this if she were in her right mind. She would never wish to put us thru this care burden. It's up to us to honor that wish.
Hope the evaluation goes well tomorrow and then encourage your kids to be part of mom's life after the move - there are some family members who visit their loved ones daily at my mom's facility and others who rarely visit - I personally try to be there 3- to 4 times a week and have a private aide with her everyday
I have seen several residents eat non- food items - paper - plants - styrofoam - trash etc.
I suspect your neuro didn't blink because he/she understands the brain isn't working properly and even those whose dementia is not as advanced will pick up food or drink that belongs to another resident
As another poster said, your mom's journey may continue for some time and it may be difficult at times to be part of it but try to rest when you can and be present with her - touch is very comforting