I think the general progression for me was beg, whine, b*tch, scream, cry, rinse repeat. Then I started reading the same question and wondering how exactly they [those magical other siblings and outside armchair experts with advice] expect many caregivers who magically opted into pausing our families lives and any hopes of retiring before 90 to even begin to get out of the house long enough to attend an aging support group. Working at the forgiving thing. Guess I'm hard headed and hoping blindly that the initial wash-rinse-repeat cycle one day will reach through to one of them.
Until on the 17th September my father died of septicaemia. My heart melted as I sat with him and I remembered the man he used to be. I prayed for him and eventually he past away. His funeral was a wonderful tribute to his life. My mother is now in a residential home. I still feel a mixture of emotions. I will always miss the father I was blessed to know when he was in his 60's and living a life he enjoyed and controlled. The father that died was a different man. He was tired and broken and needed to go home. RIP Dad. I just hope I can recover. I have not heard from either my brother or his family for 4 years, nor did they attend his funeral. So having siblings does not necessarily mean you will get help or support. I reckon a carer is like a red squirrel (becoming rarer) and will eventually be eaten by the ever increasing grey squirrels.
Hang in there and God Bless. The only thing I can tell you is that you are not alone.
I can't say it gets better but what helps for me is looking back to remind me the day could be worse. It ain't no cake-walk now but I don't have a clue how I got thru some of the others which give me strength to push ahead. I have a strong belief in God and hold onto the idea that He knows and understands. It's not about some type of "reward" concept but rather the comfort in being embraced by His compassion. I'm not trying to sugar coat this cause I do feel your pain and think I am loosing my mind most of the time. Most times I feel like I am just punching the clock on life and not living.
Katie222....I feel the exact the same way!!.
My wifes SCI situation is very complicated and I find it harder every time to provide that fake smile to others suggestions and ideas. It makes it more frustrating when they seem to take my reasons why we can't go on vacation, travel etc etc as me not having a "positive attitude". I'm too tired to get into ALL the reasons to explain and find my self just trying to avoid the "helpful advice" of these ignorant but well intention people. Just the other day I had a nurse respond to my wifes muscle spasm with a blanket while giving me a stern look and suggesting I should dress her warmer. Really????...I try to briefly explain what is happening but am tired of getting into the details so I thank her and force a smile leaving her to pat herself for helping this poor wheelchair lady along with her skilled advice to the ignorant husband. Time to head home and rinse.....
Somehow, even if the solution isn't apparent, there is going to be a better day ahead. We won't be trapped forever. My belief is that even though we might not be recognized for doing the right things here and now, the Maker knows.
You are not alone. Hold on.
All the different situations and perspectives not only provide helpful information at times, but they often remind me of all I have to be grateful for in my particular experience - despite how difficult I might think I have it on any given day. And of course, they elicit much compassion for all my fellow caregivers out there. (And it's always good to focus that compassion on others to temper the tendency get lost in self-pity.) ;)
Hugs, prayers, peace, and blessings to ALL of you!!! Hang in there, and keep coming here to share and receive support.
I have no siblings. Those that do and are going through this seem to be having a lot of issues with getting no help. Siblings or not, people who are not going through this are so coompletely clueless as to what this all entails and I cannot believe some of the stupid advise I get...like "can't you go on vacation or a weekend getaway?" "Can't your Mom go on vacation with you?" ( Mom is 100% bedbound), Really????
My stress levels and sleep levels vary from day to day and night to night. Some days and nights are good, while others not so hot. I know first hand how frustrating it is when I try to tell my far away siblings what's going on with Mom and their seemingly endless excuse formed into a question is "What do you expect us to do? We work?" I feel hurt and abandoned 95% of the time by them. But I am slowly coming to the realization that some day when Momma does pass away and they all will make time to go to her funeral, when they start saying to me "I shoulda.... I coulda....woulda...." crap I'm going to ask them WHY didn't they????? Once our Momma is gone, she's GONE....no not on vacation.....GONE PERMANENTLY as in FOREVER. That's what gets me about my siblings. My oldest sister said to me "you always think you have "time" left with your mother"......UH makes me want to slap her alongside the head and say WAKE UP OUR MOTHER IS 85 YEARS OLD SOON TO BE 86 AND IN POOR HEALTH!!!! IF YOU WANT TO "BOND" WITH YOUR MOTHER COME MORE OFTEN!!!! But alas, we see one of my sister's twice a year, my brother more in the summer and the holidays and the other sister a few times a year. We don't hear from my brother much on the phone, he lives closer to us than the other two siblings of mine. He is a Professor and teaches college kids and is too busy blah blah blah.....always a endless excuse......yeah I'm frustrated too. Your not alone!!! None of us are!!!!
I'm not sure how we got to be the "lucky" ones to watch our parent or parents deteriorate each day before our eyes and not our siblings, but we are in our positions for a reason of sorts.....maybe to make us stronger or maybe to make our siblings and family members regret more that they should be helping more....who knows. I'm just happy as a lark that I am not alone and that there are many many people facing the same (if not exact) situations and frustrations. Thank you for your post magikarp!!!!!
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