Mom's been in IL about 6 months and all has been calm. Mom asked BIL to help her out with moving and finances when she moved, though I have DPOA. (She lived with me about 2 years before the move.) Mom gave BIL access to her account online. I received her bank statement and noticed an online check made out to him for $200 last month, which is a lot when Mom is in a HUD housing unit at this IL place and only gets SS. Plus, BIL is supposed to be helping Mom with bills if she overspends.
When I asked him about the debit, he said it covered "seed money payback." I don't even know what that means. He says there won't be any more debits to him. But this makes me mad. He didn't run this by me and my brother first.
I did not want other family involved in Mom's finances to begin with. Since I am responsible for her finances based on the DPOA, I don't like this. Advice?
Look, just because your mom gave you POA, that doesn't mean that she can't transact business on her own -- which is what she did when she asked your BIL to help.
If you're concerned about the future, ask your mom to change her online password.
Is this reasonable? Would your BIL be in a position to buy your mom different items for whatever reason? And if he did, why didn't he keep a record of it or keep the receipts? If I were spending my own money on someone else's expenses expecting to get paid back you can bet I'd keep receipts.
I would just ask him, "What does 'seed money payback' mean?" If he has nothing to hide he should be comfortable answering your question.
If nothing gets answered or the answer is not to your satisfaction then I would take BIL off of "mom duty" and make sure he has nothing to do with her finances. Chalk it up to a $200 lesson.
Since you're POA, you should be assuming full responsibility for overseeing your mother's spending, not your BIL (it's the job of the POA). I'd thank him for his help with your mother's transition, take his access to her accounts away, and handle this yourself from now on.
I'd love to just let it go. I just don't completely know my duties as DPOA. Maybe I should ask the elder law attorney who drew up the documentation.
You need to get him off the bank account. Nothing against him: you are responsible for administering your mother's affairs, and that means you are required, as part of your responsibility, to do it yourself. Delegation just makes life complicated. If you can't explain this to your mother (not because you're bad at explaining, I mean, because she's bad at understanding) then it's time to enable your DPOA and get her off her bank accounts too.
Ahem. I have just seen your post above. What in heaven's name possessed you to agree to act as DPOA without first taking the trouble to understand what it meant? Never mind. We've all done something like it.
I suggest a circular letter to whom it may concern stating that all contributions to the Mother Benevolent Fund are most welcome. However, grateful acceptance of same does not imply permission to access confidential financial information by anyone not authorised to see it. I.e. anyone except you.
Tee hee hee. I cannot remember any occasion when I have been offended by NOT being asked for money..?! Well you'll want to put that faux pas right straight away!
$200 Is not worth the support you may lose for being accusatory.
2) Take the time to read the entire POA document slowly and carefully. I'm not talking down to you, honest! It's taken me this entire calendar year to get acquainted with my resposibilities as POA, and to learn exactly what it spells out. So do it.
And, yes, of course. Someone does not need access to anyone's accounts to simply make a deposit. That may be where this went off the rails. If mom gave him passwords, no harm-no foul. If YOU gave him passwords, I'd say you violated your responsibiities as her POA. You can't DO that without being held completely responsible for anything he would do.
Change the passwords.
Made this decision and then read MaggieMarshall's answer about changing passwords.
"Mom's finances are very limited and as you know she is on federally subsidized housing. It is central that we all do whatever we can to enable her to continue to live in the community within her means and within any regulations from HUD or other programs she is on. If in the future, mom needs to get additional help and requires skilled nursing care, mom will need to apply for Medicaid. To the best of my understanding, Medicaid can do a full 5 year lookback on all of mom's finances. Medicaid can require all of mom's banking details for the past 5 years. Any checks paid to family members can considered "gifting" and can keep her from being eligible for Medicaid & from getting services she may critically need.
If mom asks you to get something for her and she wants to & can afford to repay you, we need to get documentation for the item(s) with any reimbursement to exactly match the amount. So that there are no problems in the future that could jeopardize her ability to get the care and services she needs. Thanks for all that you do for our mom.
You sign the note as "Jane Jones Smith as DPOA for Mary Jones"
I would send it on cute single page of paper, typed. Send to all family members too.
It is good that you are familiarizing yourself with what a DPOA does. It is not something to take lightly whether or not there is $ or property. Based on many posts on this site, often the daughters are made the DPOA but there is many times a nephew, or male in law that just can't help themselves and want to take over. Mom picked you and she did it for a reason. You & not somebody else. If you are not also her MPOA you want to become that too. You may need to go to the bank to establish who you are in her banking situation. If you can you want the accounts to be with you as a signature so that it can remain open if mom dies and you want it as POD - a pay on death account. Now you don't have to close it but by your being a signature and you being the POD, the account is set up to be an estate of account pretty seamlessly. Good luck.