I moved my mom in with my family last summer when her apartment lease wasn't renewed. She couldn't afford Assisted Living and at the time she didn't seem that bad, so I didn't think she was in need of a nursing home. After I moved her in I came to realize that she needed much more assistance than previously thought. Over the year she's been her she's declined even more, to the point where her judgement is not good, she's goes in and out of the "fog" and she's not always able to recognize common objects and gets lost in the house and occasionally neigborhood. In addition to that she gets both physically and verbally aggressive with my children, mostly the older 2 who are 7 and 13. She's punched my son in the face and body, pushed him while on the stairs; she's also thrown objects at both kids, slapped my daughter in the face on multiple occasions and yelled very unpleasant words at all of my children. She doesn't realize that she's doing these things or even what she's doing and my younger children especially don't understand why their beloved grandma is doing or saying these terrible things. My daughter no longer wants to be around her grandma because all their interactions turn into my mom yelling at her. In trying to care for my mom, care for my children and maintain some type of peace in our home, I'm stressed beyond stress and it's been affecting my health all the way around. My husband who is the most mellow person on the planet has also become stressed out by the situation. My brother (and only sibling) is moms POA. When she moved in with me he gave me a paper rescinding him as POA and giving it to me, however he didn't have it notorized, so it means nothing. My brother is also in control of 90% of my mothers finances. In February I spoke with my moms doctor about moving mom into a nursing home, which he felt was appropriate given her health and the situation. But, I just couldn't bring myself to move forward on it, because of feelings of guilt and maybe I just needed to try harder and thinking I was weak for not being able to juggle all of this. In May I finally felt that the situation had reached the threshold and I needed to act, so I spoke to my brother about moving mom into a nursing home. He was on board, but then decided that maybe she should move in with him and his wife, but he needed time, maybe in July it could happen. I discussed respite for mom, while he made his decision and made the appointment with her dr. for the paperwork. Unfortunately, juggling 5 peoples schedules I got the time wrong and was late to the appointment, which apparently gave my brother license to ignore the situation. I had explained to him what's been going on, however he's only seen mom 5-6 times in the last year and not for any significant amount of time, so he doesn't know first hand where she is mentally with this disease. Now it's July and I contacted my brother explaining that mom is getting worse and asked if he made a decision, his response was "spare me the drama" and I don't have time to "deal with this" suggesting that he may be able to do something in late September or October. I am mentally, emotionally and physically tapped out, my children are suffering because of this and my mom is not getting the appropriate care from me because I'm burnt out. My patience is gone, my relationship with my mom, who has been my closest friend and means the world to me is ruined and she has this horrible disease that takes a little more of her away every day! I'm so angry with my brother for his lack of concern for our mom, number one and for my family. I can't even speak to him because I know that will make the situation worse. I've called every place I can think of for advice and they tell me I have one of 3 options: take her to the ER and then refuse to take her home, try to get POA from my brother (which will be a nightmare) or wait until September/October and see if he does something then. I'm so worried that if something doesn't happen soon, I will be taking a trip to the hospital because one of my chldren is going to get hurt by mom or she's going to get hurt when I'm not here or I'm going to have a nervous breakdown. Are there any other options or way to circumvent POA?
has neglected her care in many ways and I would call Elder Abuse who will take of your bother and will as an emergency have your mother placed in a nursing home. My mother had Dementia and later was diagnosis with Blood Cancer. I was my mother's Health Care Proxy and my sister was my mother's POA. To me being a POA is a thankless job. But, they do at the end have to account for every penny spent. It took me two years to get my three siblings on the same page as what I was on. I and my husband, daughter moved into my mother's home to care for my mother. For twenty five years my mother never gave me advance directives for end of life care. I only could think of what I saw and I knew she wasn't going to get better. I decided with her doctor. She was a DNR (restart her heart) and DNH (no hospital) Comfort Care Only. No Feeding tube. The doctor explain each situation and what it meant and if we did try to restart her heart. She would come back the same. But, she would be worse. I explained we make a decision and told my sibling we make a decision and stay with it. My sister being the POA her responsibility was her money and caring for the house. I was responsible for my mother's health. The only way she could have gone into a nursing home is if my sister agreed to sell the house after my mother's death to apply for Medicaid and I had to agree to nursing home placement. I cared for my mother for 8 years and the last 6 months was hospice. care. It is painful when it is your parent but, you want to do the best for them. I didn't want to prolong death. Dementia there is a moment when the dementia clears for a few minutes. I knew it was my mother. She told me let her go. She had enough. That was the biggest gift I could receive. She took her healthcare out of my hands. My mother was kept very comfortable until she died. I never regretted the 8 years. But, I did have help 7 days a week for 8 hrs a day. Which have me time with my family and myself. It has bothered my daughter when my mother forgot her name till this very day. I understood how to care for her. But, there is always swift quick help. Have a geriatrician as your parents doctor. If they suspect abuse. They would report it to eldercare which works like DCF for children. Ask you doctor about the best nursing home. One more bit of advise. If you can smell the urine in the parking lot keep moving. If you smell urine at the front door. Keep looking. I wish you the best of luck!
Yes, I agree with the previous poster. When your mother's money is beginning to run out, it's time to start applying for Medicaid. It's a long process. Take care.
Very Important: Make sure the POA covers BOTH Financial and Medical.
Hopefully you can persuade the cops to take ur mom to the ER for evaluation. And then refuse to take her back home. Tell them that ur brother has POA and give them his home and cell phone number..
With regards to your mom, if you don't want to have POA, then there's really nothing you can do legally with her...unless she's willing and you're willing to use your own funds for her care. Also,if you don't have medical POA, the hospital and clinics are obligated Not to tell you anything about mom.