My mother lives independently in her own apartment in Mapleshade, NJ. My brother works on the complex and has an apartment around the corner from her and I would travel out every other weekend...when I would go out I would see small signs of my mother needing more supervision and help in the apartment, with her own care especially...taking medication and her hygiene, but both my mom and brother would make excuses. I have offered on many occasions for my mom to live with me, but she has always refused. Last year my brother and I became estranged due to my moms care and a separate issue involving my late father's estate. I am ashamed to admit that has caused me to not visit as I should have....my brother would threaten me and it upsets my mother. Recently my sister in
law told me in secret that my mom needs more help....she is not taking her medication as she should, eating properly or bathing. My sister in law found her unable to stand up and she had soiled herself on the couch. My brother still finds it ok to leave her alone and unattended. My sister in law also just told me they plan to go camping and will be leaving her alone for 7 days. My mother receives a nice pension between social security and 1199, my brother spends all of it on himself. I don't know what to do....please advise.
Another idea, have you thought of maybe bringing her home with you for a week? You can pass it off as kind of like a vacation, many people really like vacations to get away from everything. You can reward her with something if she agrees to come with you for a week. Just say you have something special planned for her and actually do it. I'm sure you're smart enough to think of something. Just let her know you're not making her live with you but if she stays with you for a week you'll reward her with something she really likes. That should get her thinking! If she has some kind of special hobbies or favorite treats, you can keep those things handy for her and to give her throughout that week. You can also treat her to a spa treatment, many women like spas. If you can't afford the spa, perhaps you can set up something special that's just like a spa at your house and treat her to it. Try to remember all of her favorite scents and colors. Once you get her home with you, she may not want to leave! Treating her very special could turn out to be something that could change her mind about staying at her own place. You can also fix her favorite meals with all of her favorite foods made with her favorite recipes. I'm sure there must be something she likes that you can offer her. If you treat her a little bit each day throughout the week, I'm sure she would probably dread going back to her house and become very fond of staying with you! These are just a few ideas to get you thinking, and I hope you can get everything straightened out for her and get her life back to normal.
Who is the Power of Attorney for your Mom? If no one, see if you can be her financial POA and medical POA, then that way you can take control of her social security and pension for her.
You can probably take this as far as gaining guardianship in court if you are willing to. It is going to take time, energy and money. You will not be able to gain those bank account records just by asking for them. In some states even Power of Attorney is not enough. Gear up for the challenge. Good luck.
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