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I cared for my Mom for 8 years and before that it was my father, brother in law and aunt. I hit the wall and began having severe panic and anxiety attacks due to the stress. I was hospitalized and told by the doctors that I had to go home, pack and leave my mother's home or the stress would kill me.

I did what I was told and I am living with a younger sister, while my older sister still lives at home and hired an IN HOME CAREGIVER for Mom. My panic and anxiety is severe however and it only seems to be getting worse. Going back to Mom's house is not an option as it gets worse when I am there.

I have only been gone since the 18th of April but I AM HORRIFIED OF BEING HOME ALONE. HORRIFIED. My sister gets home at about 8 pm and her kids are out of school at about 2pm and my daughter goes to school until 9pm at the local college.

This summer I am going to be home alone all day long. I cannot handle this and I am absolutely horrified! I honestly feel like I am going to go crazy as I feel like I am close to that anyway at this point!

I have Medicare and Medi Cal and I live in California and I really need some honest to God help!

I never thought loving my mother enough to stay home and take care of her would lead to this but I am literally out of my mind with fear!!! I am on Ativan to sleep and Xanax. I take Holy Basil for calmness but it feels like I am about ready to pull out my hair and run screaming down the street.

I was suppose to be Mom's POA but there is no way I can handle anything feeling like I do.

Is there help for caregivers who have burned out? I literally need an IN HOME CAREGIVER for myself at this point. Please point me towards help before I can no longer handle this! PLEASE HELP ME!!!!

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You can go to the ER. Hospitalize yourself, get psych evaluation, it sounds like it could be PTSD which is becoming more and more common in caregivers.
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Stressed, I've had some bouts with severe panic disorder, so know how hard it is. Something you have to do is make yourself get out and about. Remember that panic is self-limiting. You won't die and you won't have a heart attack, though it feels like you will sometime. The strange fog and look of things are just anxiety. You are not going crazy. I wouldn't be afraid to bet you are more sane than many.

There are a few things that helped me getting past the panic. I ate good meals, so I didn't get hungry. I took water with me -- I still do. I adopted the mantra "Feel the fear and do it anyway" as my own. Saying that to myself kept me pushing to get better. I knew if I didn't, I would become housebound.

Antidepressants and Xanax can help you get back on your feet, but they should be coupled with getting out and feeling the fear. When you realize that the fear won't kill you, that the feeling of dread is only a feeling, you can work yourself back onto your feet. When you get to that point, get involved with people and stay involved. Ordinary people are the best medicine I know of for depression and/or anxiety.
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This morning I told my sister (through my tears) that I was feeling absolutely TERRIFIED almost all the time these days. I'm taking care of my mother with rapidly progressing dementia and increasing physical weakness and strange behavior. I don't know who I will find when I go to the kitchen first thing in the morning. Will it be some version of the mother I know and love or will it be a child demanding that I drive her to school or to go get her mother (who is long gone)? I take Xanax and Zoloft and other medications for the chronic pain I live in due to an old car accident and fibromyalgia. But, once again, my anxiety is making my chest feel squeezed and it has become hard to breathe. I know I'll make it through this, and I will be talking with my doctor(s) about this again. I might also call someone from Alzheimer's.org. They have people there at all times of the day who can talk with you and help you as much as possible. I wish you all the best. We're not alone in this struggle, and we need to remember to do whatever it takes to take care of ourselves as much or more than we are taking care of our loved one. Like on an airplane, "Put the oxygen on your face first and then on your loved ones." We're of no help to anyone if we can't even breathe. But since I just wrote all this down and got it "off my chest," I've been able to take at least one deep breath. Perhaps I will be able to sleep. One can hope!
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I'm going to say if Holy Basil is not working, there are better things out there, like Rescue Remedy. Plus you need to cut out all the caffeine and sugary items. Talk to your MD about an SNRI med like Cymbalta or Effexor XR. Make an effort to identify the triggers that set the ball rolling. If you hate being alone, then get out, talk to neighbors, walk a dog, and ride a bicycle. A bike will help you burn off the excess adrenaline. Even going for a walk, then running , then slowing down to a walk and finally stretching the tightened muscles will help. You don't need an in home caregiver, you need to breathe, deeply and exhale forcefully. Yoga really helps if you can do it. Cognitive self discipline works better than any medication.
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Please tell your Dr what is going on. There is help out there, start with your Dr. You may need some short term placement to help you learn coping skill and get your meds adjusted. you have insurance, take advantage of it. Its not a weakness to ask for and get help.. You don;t say how old you are, but I;m guessing not too young. Get help before it is too late!
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my aunt , at 90 has gotten out of her wheelchair , using a walker and getting stronger every day. i think you should get yourself into some kind of physical work . as pam suggested , a physical workout keeps your mind and body regulated.
my aunt also takes 40 mg of zoloft daily and her mood is quite pleasant with a lot of light humor and laughter.
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I feel for you. It must be horrible. Have you considered medical marijuana? We have it here, in AZ. and it is helping many sick people. I don't know about your state, though.

Now, for a totally different suggestion, what about a trained therapy dog?
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Call your Dr. 1st thing in the a.m. & be sure you are seen tomorrow. - no delay!
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I appreciate your answers. First I don't have a doctor really. I see a therapist through a Senior Program via the City of LA and it was a nurse practioner who gave me the Ativan and Paxil. I could not take the Paxil just 1/2 of a 10mg pill turned me into a Zombie and all I could do was lay around with a major "hangover." My GP gave me the Xanax but would not give me the Ativan as she said they were the same thing. Years ago my psychiatrist thought they were different enough to give me the Ativan to sleep and Xanax for the panic attacks. I have been trying to get into see a doctor from Cedars Sinai Hosp as this is his specialty and found out today it was a 4 month wait. I told her I could be dead by then.
PamStegman: I do not know about the Rescue Remedy you mentioned is it really better because I am willing to try anything.
JessieBelle: I don't want to be in the house, I do feel better outside, but how many hours in the day can you be outside? I do feel the fear 24/7 as this seems to NEVER LEAVE ME AND I MEAN NEVER, IT IS AN ONGOING FEAR THAT DOES NOT SUBSIDE. 24 YEARS AGO IT LED TO THE LOSS OF MY CHILD I WAS CARRYING, THE SECOND TIME IT HIT LIKE THIS I WAS PREGNANT AGAIN...AT 61 IT IS STRESS FROM CARING FOR MY MOM.
Gladimhere: I went to the hospital and did not tell them I wanted a psych evaluation but told them I was stressed, having chest pain, and panic and anxiety. They knocked me out with Ativan, did blood work, took an xray and released me the next day telling me to move out.

I still feel like I am going crazy and i need a health care giver to assist me. If I had a panic attack and it stopped that would be one thing but this is constant ongoing.

I've got to get my Ativan and Xanax and see if I can knock myself out so I can go through this h*ll again tomorrow.
I am not sitting around by any means. I have worked my butt off every day in my sisters garage trying to clean it out, do the laundry, wash the floor, just anything to keep me busy. I walk and walk and walk every single day, I speak to every single person I see. I drink water like crazy, I try to eat but many times I feel like vomiting so I have to take it slow. But I think I need protein or more of it.
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Some of my panic attacks comes from fillers used in prescription medicine, these fillers are used to make the pills large enough to handle and to bind them into their round or oval shape. With your doctor's permission, try to get off the pills you are taking or dropping the dosage by half and see if that will help.

This might sound strange, but I found over the counter anti-histamines seem to help me feel better. So there must be something I am allergic to that is also creating these panic attacks. Again, check with your doctor. Something as simple as a food allergy could be the problem, too.

I also am afraid to be alone if my significant other is out of town. But that is side affect of having cancer and dealing with the meds. And throw in my aging parents' constant guilt trips for not driving them everywhere they want to go.... [sigh].
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