How do I respond to my mother with dementia when she worries about a teenage daughter that is not home, when in fact I'm her only daughter and I'm 56. I usually tell her that her daughter is sleeping over someone's house but she remembers this night after night and becomes very agitated that her daughter won't come home. How do you calm a dementia mother looking for a child that doesn't exist??
How awful this must be for you. Just awful.
No idea whether this has been tried or would be effective, but do you have a photo gallery or album showing pictures of yourself over time? Then you could sit down with your mother - saying something like "let's check the directory for her ID" - and take her through the timeline until you get to you now.
I don't think she will be experiencing exactly the same quality of emotion that we in our right minds would feel if our daughters were "missing." I'm not an expert, but I think this is more an expression of generalised anxiety: her brain knows that all is not right, and latches on to what might be wrong, what might explain her feeling anxious and disoriented.
Not that that makes it okay, of course, but it would be a different type of emotion that she's going through, which I hope is some consolation.
Have you and your mother's doctor considered anti-anxiety medication? I'm not a 'pill for every ill' kind of person, but in this case it might really help take the edge off, perhaps.
I bought my mother a doll and she was thrilled. She was pleased to be given such an expensive present. As it turned out, she did not play with it or hug it, etc. but she loved seeing it all dressed up. So it became part of her room decor and we changed the clothes regularly.
There was a man in memory care in my mother's building who carried his doll everywhere, including entertainment and events. It always wore the same simple outfit so I know he didn't like it for its clothes!
I don't think you can predict how someone with dementia will react to a life-size baby doll. They are not inexpensive but at the very least they make a cheerful room decoration.
I was just informed that my cousin, who has been doing so well in Memory Care for over 2 years is now getting upset and looking for her parents A LOT. I have not witnessed it, but apparently the staff have. They think she has now returned in her mind to a very young child and she wants her mom and dad. She scoots around the Memory Care unit looking for them and cries when she can't find them. I've considered getting a large photo of them on her wall, but, I'm not sure if that would help or aggravate her worry.
She is on meds for depression and anxiety and it has worked quite well until recently. They administer it to her at night and she does fine then, it's in the day that she seems troubled. So, we are having the doctors review her meds.
I certainly can relate Dementia7 with the frustration. My cousin's parents have been deceased for many years, but she no longer knows that and I will not tell her.