Follow
Share

His judgement is impaired, he is codependent on my mother, hasn't worked in years, and has a history of mental illness.
I don't think he is competent to handle tasks since my father's death several months ago. I've seen some bad judgement on his part and he encourages my mother's hostility against me. My mother is going downhill mentally and is turning against me for no reason.
Is there anything I can do to have him removed?

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

8 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
Why did your dad give him power of atttorney? And, by the way, when your dad passed, if your brother had POA of dad, it expired. He doesn't automatically have POA for mom. She would have had to execute a separate document on her own behalf.

So, THEN, my question is: Why did both your mom and dad give your brother POA if he is, as you say, mentally disabled?

In my opinion, you'd have a real uphill battle to have him removed. Read money, expertt witnesses, atttorneys. Just because YOU don't think he's competent doesn't mean he isn't. That's the call of a medical professional. Without that, you're dead in the water.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Yes, I know. But, my mother also appointed him as power of attorney once my father died. My father was very ill and not very lucid. My mother is codependent on my brother--they are both dysfunctional to the max. My brother has a long history of illness--is seen regularly by a social worker, and has been in a hospital psych ward, I don't understand how a person who is unable to work can make life altering decisions for another person. He can barely manage hi own life--having never lived on his own.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Unfortunately, mom can appoint the dog as her POA if she chooses to. You would have to hire an attorney and fight them both in court. If mom is legally competent, you will lose.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Do you feel there are certain things happening in a way that endangers your mother? If you think she is being exploited, neglected, or abused, you could ask APS to investigate. If you just don't like the decisions that are being made, I don't think you have any grounds to object.

I am really sorry that you feel mother is hostile toward you. Do you think it would help if you visit and never bring up the topic of POA or her codependency with brother?
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Maybe your parents chose him as POA because he was more available to him. POAs don't really have that much power. In fact, they have very little unless a person is ruled incompetent. What you can do is work with your brother to make sure the best interests of your parents are being served.

Does your brother receive disability or does he live with your mother? If he lives with her, it would have been a good reason to appoint him POA. He could handle the bills easily and take care of things around the house.

I wondered what you would do about your brother if you were POA or guardian and your mother became incompetent. I have a feeling it would have been her wish to make sure he had enough. Mothers are like that.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
Thanks for your comments. I feel a lot better and yes, I think my father and mother were thinking from a practical perspective--he lives with them and it's just easier that way.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
I'm confused from the perspective of your profile.

"I am caring for my mother, living at home and the primary ailment is depression."

Are you caring for your mother living at home which I assume is yours or is your brother taking care of your mom whom he is living with in her home?

Is she on depression meds? Is she taking them?

Codependency is a two sided coin. If either side changes, the other side gets very angry. Codependent relationships tend to feed off of each other.

I don't like the idea that someone one disability and no longer works is by that alone not qualified to be a POA. I was on disability for years before, I needed to step in as my mother's POA. My very disabled step-dad would have let her die four years before she did had he been her POA. As her only child, I was both her medical and Durable POA. The largest burden I had to deal with was her several years of not filing her and her husband's taxes which she lied about them being done, but told the truth to her sister who did not think it was her place to tell me about years before when she knew that. Some people who are not on disability or not mentally ill aren't competent to be a POA either.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Worried, I think generally the assumption is that someone who executes a DPOA and chooses someone to act as his/her proxy is in fact making a wise decision. That's not always true. Given your statements that a co-dependency relationship exists, I think it's more likely that that's the reason your brother was chosen. Unfortunately, rationality doesn't always prevail when making these kinds of choices.

Perhaps the best thing you can do for your mother is cultivate a positive relationship with your unstable brother so that if he feels he needs assistance, he can rely on you to provide some guidance without being judgmental of him.

You don't have to approve of or support his lifestyle, just let him know in a supporting way that you'll be willing to offer advice and counsel if he faces having to use the proxy authority.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter