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I grew up with an extremely physically abusive father who abused my mother as well, and since she is very elderly with Parkinson's, we tried to place him and has gotten kicked out of Two memory care facilities because he was a physical threat to the other residents. Someone please help us.

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Lotus, this is not for you to figure out. Get your mom out of there and let the state deal with your dad.
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LOTUS - Is he at home or still in a memory care facility? If he's at home, call 911, have him Baker Acted which is an involuntary hold for up to 72 hours that begins in the ER, and then refuse discharge back to home. Let the social worker at the hospital find him a psych bed and, once his meds are worked out, find him a spot in a nursing home that specializes in difficult patients.
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He has to go to geriatric psychiatric hospital to get medicine adjusted...or they’ll figure out a new concoction of meds ...from there, after they get him calm, he can be managed at a SNF. Not a Memory Care facility...he needs a higher level of care than they can provide. The State...if you choose to relinquish control, will place him wherever they want & will step in your shoes. You will not have a say in anything. Personally, I would not go that route. Nursing homes are filled with residents who have these behaviors...& they send them to psych hospital to get medication adjustments & then they return to the facility. Memory care facility just throws residents out .
hugs 🤗
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LOTUS1 Oct 2019
Thank you CaregiverL! This has been a very eye opening and difficult road for all of us. Thank you for your advice.
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Next time he starts abusing call the police. Have him taken away. Next trip to the hospital, refuse to take him home, he needs more care than you can obviously provide. Let the state take guardianship of him. The only place that may be suitable for him is a psych hospital.

He is a danger to himself and others. Finding another memory care facility, you know, will not work. It is only a matter of time.

Find safe placement for mom. Get her out of there!

From your profile, it sounds like dad is now in a third memory care. Have MC call the police when he gets violent and then let the system deal with him. Do not step in, make it the state's job.

https://www.sgvcamft.org/psychiatric-facilities-agencies-medical-centers
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Can you get your mom placed somewhere and leave your dad at home (or wherever he is currently living)?
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Lotus1 I'm so sorry you have to deal with this very stressful situation. I would call your area's council on aging for resources and answers. They can let you know options that are local to you. If you don't find them helpful, then call your county's social services and talk to a social worker on how to move forward. Blessings.
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