My mom is 85 with avascular necrosis (her hip is deteriorating) of her right hip and knee. Her mobility has severely decreased, she is now using the bedside commode, unable to go up / down stairs anymore. It is hard watching her in constant pain, her bones move out of places all the time. Sometimes I wish I had someone to talk to that understands.
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https://thememorycenter.uchicago.edu/
Please do an Internet search on TM cult
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https://freedomofmind.com/meditation-yes-but-please-be-careful-and-do-your-homework-regarding-transcendental-meditation-tm/
That's what we are here for ! The reality is (from my point of view) that if we have expectations of another's ability to feel empathy for another/get out of their self / to be present for and with us, we may be disappointed.
You have a huge responsibility and it is very heartbreaking to see a mother or any loved one suffering and declining as you are doing now. Or any living being - a bird that fell out of its nest, wildlife killed for monetary reasons ...
Do you have a church close by? or a spiritual center (Buddhist or other), Next Door?
Through all this, you need to find (some small) ways to take care of yourself - your heart and soul. Going for a walk, (for me) looking at a tree(s)/being in nature, go to a movie or watch a Net Flicks.
Sometimes, we just need to be willing to shift - even a little - to view the world and give some kindness / loving energy to our sad heart. It isn't easy facing the 'letting go' process when we love someone.
If I were you, I would hold your mom's hand / gently massage her - touch her with loving kindness. This is what I do w/my friend (89) of 20+ years who is in a nursing home and bedridden. Touch him. Get the oxytocin moving - the 'feel good' hormone. Touch is so important.
Now. I need to go for a walk myself. Loving someone ailing is heartbreaking. Being present with another means being present with our self - loving our self and renewing our energy any way we can.
Gena
Touch Matters
Specifically I like walking to dog parks and watching them play, they exude pure joy . My dog is too arthritic now for racing around , but I love watching the others running with sticks & balls, jumping in puddles, etc…
Im finding the simple pleasures are best!
These are all great suggestions.
Take some time for yourself.
The gym invigorates me. After a gentle workout I enjoy the warmth of the sauna. It clears my mind.
Make a list of everything that makes you happy. For me that would include watching a sunset, antiquing, a bubble bath, etc. put each idea on a small piece of paper. Make sure each is easily possible with the resources you have available. (Read about Paris instead of Fly to Paris is “do-able” for me). Deposit them in a fishbowl. Add another from time to time.
When you are having a bad day, treat yourself to whatever you pick from the fishbowl.
Thinking of you.
unfortunately, i treat myself way too often. i’ll have to set up a mouse-trap, against myself, on the fishbowl.
will now go and set up the mouse-trap.
people watching, eating my cone, drinking my coffee has always been a reset for me for the longest time.
im taking a screenshot of this!
My time in wind ensemble, my highest level music group, and also while practicing by myself, requires my highest level of concentration, so for me that time functions like meditation.
Don’t waste any time if you’ve been telling yourself that you’re “too old”. I started my instrument FROM SCRATCH at age 75, and I haven’t stopped since.
Hope you will all ”FIND your BLISS!”
The bad news: the situation causing stress is largely out of your control. Things like inquiring about better pain control is an excellent.
The good news: it’s possible to relieve your pain by refocusing on activities you enjoy. This forum helps a lot by offering a place to “talk.”
Wishing you the very best.
Whatever you decide, I wish you well.
I hope your mom is getting good pain control. Hang in there.