Can a daughter in law fight a will? I feel I did more for her than all three sons for very long. I will only share what one son gets.

Sadly, you stand to inherit nothing. Really, unless she has made provisions to leave you something specifically, you're out in the dark.

My MIL made it VERY clear to me that her will states her 3 kids split her estate 3 ways and if my DH passes before she does, I will not get 'a dime'. My 5 kids will inherit DH's 1/3rd.

Now, is this fair? No, but few things in life are. My BIL has been MIA and actually has not seen his mother for a couple of years. He left 45 years ago to pursue his career and schooling and really hasn't been back. He has flat out stated that he hates his mother.

I have done a lot for mine, despite her dislike of me. DH has been her handyman and go-to, but honestly she is such a mean woman, he can't bear to be around her. Here comes Mother's Day and I got her a gift and told him to be sure to call her and get the gift to her. He is going to be out of town over Mother's Day and I am positive he will not see her or call her on the day. So sad.

I cared for my FIL for months and months before he died. What did I inherit? Absolutely nothing. DH did, and of course that became community property, so to speak, but I personally? Nothing.

I'm really sorry for you. why do you continue to care for her? Why doesn't your DH step up and handle this? If you are caregiving for the 'hopes' of an inheritance--bad idea. I no longer speak to my MIL. I simply can't 'do" her any more. She was and is the meanest woman I have ever known and I do not have to put up with her.

Can you walk away from this? Sounds like you owe her absolutely nothing!

NO

and if it upsets you - either stop doing what you are OR get paid for it NOW

You need a caregiver's contract so that you are paid now for what you are doing.

Waiting for an inheritance is a fool's errand.

You have the right to walk away and stop being her caregiver.

But other than that, you have no rights. No claim to her estate. The time to ask for compensation for the care you provide is while you are caring for her. If she’s not willing to pay you & have a care contract drawn up, then walk away.

Depening on your state law, if your husband dies before you, you may be legally entitled to his share of her estate but again it depends on state late and whether or not she’s included him in her will.

No, sadly you are entitled to Nothing. I (along with my husband), cared for my FIL in our home for 13 years, and I was never written into his will, and he and I got along pretty well!

When he passed away in our home after caring for him on Hospice those last Very Difficult 9 weeks of his life, the bulk of his remaining estate did go to my husband, but none specifically to me other than my MIL's jewelry, but having been married to this Son for 30 years, of course he does/will share in what he recieved with me, as if the estate were ours jointly. I know my FIL knew this, so I wasn't offended, that is just how Wills are normally written.

You have no rights in how someone disperses their Will and assets when they die, it is their right to choose where their money goes after death, that's just how it goes!

You are most likely going to be left hanging,, and you are not alone in this. I have found that in many cases the DIL does the grunt work, with no recompense and that is just the way it rolls. My hubs is one of two, and I know very well when FIL passes if hubs goes first I will get nothing, even though we are the ones who do all the work at the river house, and do things with him. When MIL passed she left a ring to our daughter, and it still took us a long time to get it for her ( BIL kept throwing up roadblocks). I really don't expect anything, so I can look at this with humor.. Like the fact that he thinks hubs is rolling in money because my mom lives with us.. but hubs has not "worked" in years and has NO income! He stays home with my mom, and takes care of all FIL properties for free! Which FIL expects him to do... LOL Luckily this year he can get SS!!

Tell DH you have to start backing out. You are feeling used by someone who has no respect for you or what you do for her. Tell DH to tell Mom its time for her to hire someone to do what you have been doing for free. I would not suggest she pay you because then she owns you.

Time for Mom to go to an AL if she needs this much help.

While I can certainly understand your frustration I doubt that when you started helping and caring for your MIL was it with the thought of inheriting or because you love your husband and she is his mother, an extension of him and family? She may not have given birth to you but you have been a member of her family and important enough apparently that you treat her "as if she were your own mother" and being clear that you are her daughter "in-law" doesn't mean she feels any less about you than she would her own daughter. I'm not sure how old she is but I imagine she might be of the generation or simply training that my grandmother was, male's inherit money and property, women inherit belongings and sometimes property. It was very odd to us but as my GM got older and planned her estate she set it up very carefully. She had 2 son's my dad had 3 kids, 2 boys and me (I'm the oldest) my uncle had a son neither he or my GM ever acknowledged so for her she had 3 grandchildren. My uncle was an alcoholic playboy but that's another story and she set up her estate so he couldn't drink away more than he already had over the years. Anyway she was a very frugal woman and apparently earned enough one year that she wanted to "gift" the maximum (10,000) to the male heirs, my brothers. Not because she didn't love or like me, though she always preferred males but because she really believed the money should go to the male heirs, that's the way it was done. My brothers refused unless she included me and she did but it was never meant as punishment or because she cared less about me, it was just her way. Maybe your MIL being nasty to her daughter-in-law is just her way and in a warped way part of her acceptance of you as part of her family. Is she cantankerous with others? Maybe it isn't you it's just family and people she likes she is cranky with. Either way I don't think making just her sons her heirs is unusual or wrong, each family gets the same portion and divide it the way the see fit, it isn't a reward for being the best son or doing the most care giving we do that for other reasons. we do it because it's family, we do it out of love, we do it out of a sense of responsibility and simply caring about others because we get some personal satisfaction, reward if you will by doing that (not saying it's joyous all the time) and yes sometimes that monetary when we are paid a wage to do it but even paid caregivers, at least the ones that are any good, get more out of it than money.

As far as the oldest son, your husbands brother and whatever transpired with the business, it sounds like it was a business the brothers had so I'm not sure why that would have anything to do with MIL will but maybe I'm not understanding something? Even so legally I don't think you have a leg to stand on from any perspective and I would urge you to let go of that, it only serves to agitate you and perhaps cause more division in the family and strife for DH that just doesn't seem worth it to me.

I doubt you started doing any of the care giving for MIL you did with inheritance in the back of your mind, take pride and satisfaction in the love & respect you expressed for DH by taking such good care of him mom.

I’m thinking her children are her benefactors in her will, although if she is coherent and mentally intact enough to legally change it to include you.

Can you have a caregivers contract written and have MIL agree to compensate you for your time spent caring for her?

Otherwise then, yes, when she passes her sons will be her heirs and the estate be divided accordingly.

No child ever has any guarantee that they will receive assets from their parents’ estate. Even a caregiving child should not have that expectation. A person of sound mind can leave their estate to any person(s) or entity they choose (no explanation or rationale required).

This is a job. If you are not happy with your current situation, work somewhere else.

You could have a "contract" of sorts drawn up and get paid as a caregiver. If she is willing to do that and pay you.
If you feel strongly about not getting compensated for what you have been doing you can begin to step back, Have a sit down talk and let the family know that you are going to step back and let them manage more. People often will not do something for someone because it is already being done. And if you have taken on this role that may be the reason others are not.
I was told, and I do not know if it is in my particular State that is someone fights or contests a Will they may end up getting nothing. Check with Senior Services in your area they may have information on free or low cost legal services to Seniors.
Now personal opinion here for what it is worth. ...
No one should EXPECT to be the recipient of an inheritance.
And if none of the other spouses are included in the Will there is no reason you should be.

You have received some good advice here....in your shoes, i would definitely back away from caring for her. Sounds like you are in burnout mode!! Tell your DH he will have to take over her care or hire a caregiver and pay for it with HER funds!!! You must take care of yourself before this situation kills you..,

Your issue is not with the Will but with the brothers. Make them pay you by the hour that they would pay a caregiver if you stopped taking care of their mom. If they do not, stop. She is not your mom, so why kill yourself over her.

No you are not legally entitled to anything if not in the will. And seriously you’re doing the caregiving but past caring for your own wellbeing. If you are this upset about it tell your husband to kick in and pay you or whoever is in charge of the estate. Ie executor or someone with power of attorney.
Maybe you took this on with all the best of intentions. But many daughters get trapped in this and your brother in laws and husband are the only ones in a position to charge it. Sorry you’re on disability but nothing entities you to what is not in the will. Get over it. Or get out

Contact an elder care attorney. Some will have the first consultation with you for free. They will at least then let you know if they can help you. If she lives with you to be cared for, then you definitely can receive pay for taking care of her. But speak to someone who knows what you can legally do.

Forget it...cannot Fight City Hall. I know How you Feel with this Raw Deal and with Family....GOD WILL TAKE CARE OF THIS and YOU......xx

some states have legal aid help - look online - and yes anyone can contest the will but it just doesn't mean you will be compensated.

How much money are we talking - maybe you should just charge your mil for what you do - shopping / drs / caring - etc especially if the sons never do it ! also - you can get compensated from one of those elder care places that come to the house and bathe or help out the elder - call one of them and see what is what.
sorry some people are so unappreciative.

I would work out a way to be paid for the errands and work and then pay her rent out of that. It would be hard and expensive to challenge the will as the daughter in law; meanwhile you've got to survive and she could live forever.

In our "family" my sister in law will get quite a wad when my mother dies though she hasn't lived with my brother for 30 years and does nothing to help my mother, who has NPD and craves attention and admiration. The daughter in law flatters my mother but disappears when she's hurt, sick or needs a ride. In fact the whole family is either drunk, on meth and using my mother but if they suck up she thinks they're great. I wish this country's inheritance laws were fairer like Australia's.

I think your MIL has made it clear how she regards you. You should say "caring for her stresses me and my Crohn's disease flares up, so I cannot do this any longer". Then take good care of your husband so, among other things, he outlives his mother!

My sister had a MIL who said she didn't like the term "mother-in-law"--but she was the kind of person who gave this term the connotation it has!!

If you can't afford an elder law attorney to review the matter, try Legal Aid. If you were left nothing you would probably have a better chance of making a case for yourself, but since as I understand it, you were left something, you may be out of luck...but who knows. The trick will be documentation of all you have done and for how long. ANd of course this points out the importance of documentation and creating an official caregiver agreement...though some elders would never consider that because there is an expectation family does for one another.

Since she always corrects people, and doesn't consider you like a daughter, I would do like others have said and back away from her care unless you are paid. My husband and i take care of his mother who does treat
me like a daughter and has never made a point of correcting people. She constantly tells us how much she appreciates us and doesn't know what she would do without us. And with all that gratitude I can still catch myself being resentful because my husband has a brother that does NOTHING. My point is if it wasn't for her sincere appreciation, it would make it impossible. You deserve compensation. I would forget about the will and make them pay you or someone else. Best of luck and please take care of yourself! If you don't put yourself first no one else will.

One thing you might can do is get a credit on your IRS taxes for Elderly Care. If you are providing more than half her support, you can also claim her as a dependent.

Ask a CPA if you can claim the mileage for all of her appointments on your taxes too. It all depends and only a CPA or Tax Attorney can tell you what’s best for your situation.

As far as getting a separate inheritance, no. If you are worn out, then hire a caregiver or tell the brothers one of them need to take her in.

If it’s her home, then it might be time to move out. Have you been paying the mortgage, taxes and insurance or has she?

Plan now what what to do once she is gone. Unless you can buy out the other two brothers, then the house will be sold and your husband receive his share only. Don’t be in denial. It will happen at some point.

Living with her is a problem. The brothers probably think you are "living off her". My brother moved in with mom. She paid all the bills and expenses. He ended up getting the house signed over to him and then lost it in a divorce. Mom was on the street. Another brother provided a home for her. You will have to move when she dies - why not do it now?

No one is entitled to someone's inheritance. If there is an inheritance to give, it is up to that person's wishes, with no explanation to anyone. If the person wanted to give everything to a charity, that is their choice.

When you do something, even many things, for someone, it should be done out of your kindness and love of your heart, not for what you hope to get.

Truly with the way you are feeling unappreciated, consider hiring someone else to provide at least some of these tasks, and take time for yourself to have your own life, your own "purpose".

No. You can't fight your MIL's will once she dies. You have no standing. You can not force your MIL to leave you something in her will. Your MIL doesn't even have to leave anything to her children if she doesn't want to. She could leave it all to her church or a friend, or the pool boy. It is completely up to her, and it appears that she's made it clear that you are a DIL, not a daughter. No matter what you have done for her in her life, it has no bearing on what she puts in her will. This is probably something you're going to have to come to peace with. It sucks, but that is the reality of the situation.

From here, its your choice how much of yourself you want to give to this person who doesn't really see you as family and is mean to you. If caring for her is causing health issues, perhaps it's time to let her family take over managing her care. Don't be specific, but you can just tell her that you have your own health issues to deal with and you can no longer do it. That's all she needs to be told. Reclaim your life.

Basically, she is dividing whatever it is that she has with her sons and you are an extension of one son. The other thing is you said you're on disability, so it's possible being paid as a caregiver means that you could hold gainful employment doing caregiving for her/others. May no longer qualify as disabled because you can't tell SSA you can't work on one document and you can work on another. Depending on what kind of disability payment you get (SSI for people who did not earn enough income in their life or RSDI for people who did have enough earnings), any inheritance or lump sum payment you get can be counted as income and cut off your SSA income until it is spent down with eligible expenses...you can't give it away for someone to hold in their name for your use.
If your income was garnished by IRS, then you were probably involved in the business and perhaps the only person in the business who filed any taxes or had any reported income after the audit showed deficit.
You could talk with an attorney, however a person's will/distribution of assets is personal choice. And it is rather common for wills to say 'divided evenly between children still alive at my death'. Some people leave the deceased child's share to that child's children.Get your husband more involved in the care of his mother and maybe relieve some of your feelings.

Sounds horrible, I feel for you.Make CERTAIN you take notes of ALL YOU DO!
Record EVERYTHING,..KEEP RECIEPTS FOR EVERYTHING,......
I'm in something like it ....People LIE to steal from you,..
KEEP RECIEPTS/DOCUMENT ALL DUTIES YOU DO,...Start NOW!!!

If you don't want to continue caregiving then stop. Let the sons take over, or request payment for your setvices. Mother has no obligation to include you in her will she can do what she wants. I love my son in laws, but I don't include them in my will. The IRS taking your refund? Your married did you file jointly? There's more to this than what's being said. The issue is with your husband not mother in law. Need to talk with him. You've been married a long time & maybe your in a difficult situation, but you need to take care of you, look out for yourself.

It sounds like the family backed you into a corner and you will be the villain if you walk out on taking care of Mom, even though it really isn't your responsibility physically or fiscally. People have given you good advice about at least trying to tax deduct some of your expenses for her care. Continue to care for her if you can and want to, but discuss this with your husband and make sure he appreciates all you have done and supports your decision if you have to stop. Your marriage is your life and your home - that has to come first and is right up there with taking care of yourself. If you will feel bad about abandoning Mom, don't, but if it is too hard remember that it isn't your responsibility, just like it isn't your right to expect to inherit from her. If the relationship has soured, get yourself out and de-stress. Then go back to being a loving wife and supportive DIL, and not a martyr to Mom.

Do you have itemized expenses? If so I’d definitely go to an attorney. You probably can’t contest the will but you may be able to get some of her expenses. Sometimes they will do work for local job and family services for cheaper. Doesn’t hurt to find out.,
My stepfather I was the one who took them to the dr, my mother was his sole caregiver but because he never changed the will his first kids who did nothing got most of it ( I literally saw his daughter for the second time in my life while he was in the hospital during his final hospitalization, he was married to my mother 20 years) except my mom got I think 30 % as spouse and her out of pocket expenses for his care and funeral . Stinks but that’s why people need to update wills🙄. I didn’t care about an inheritance from him but my mother sure deserves it.