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Tell DH you have to start backing out. You are feeling used by someone who has no respect for you or what you do for her. Tell DH to tell Mom its time for her to hire someone to do what you have been doing for free. I would not suggest she pay you because then she owns you.

Time for Mom to go to an AL if she needs this much help.
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You are most likely going to be left hanging,, and you are not alone in this. I have found that in many cases the DIL does the grunt work, with no recompense and that is just the way it rolls. My hubs is one of two, and I know very well when FIL passes if hubs goes first I will get nothing, even though we are the ones who do all the work at the river house, and do things with him. When MIL passed she left a ring to our daughter, and it still took us a long time to get it for her ( BIL kept throwing up roadblocks). I really don't expect anything, so I can look at this with humor.. Like the fact that he thinks hubs is rolling in money because my mom lives with us.. but hubs has not "worked" in years and has NO income! He stays home with my mom, and takes care of all FIL properties for free! Which FIL expects him to do... LOL Luckily this year he can get SS!!
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No, sadly you are entitled to Nothing. I (along with my husband), cared for my FIL in our home for 13 years, and I was never written into his will, and he and I got along pretty well!

When he passed away in our home after caring for him on Hospice those last Very Difficult 9 weeks of his life, the bulk of his remaining estate did go to my husband, but none specifically to me other than my MIL's jewelry, but having been married to this Son for 30 years, of course he does/will share in what he recieved with me, as if the estate were ours jointly. I know my FIL knew this, so I wasn't offended, that is just how Wills are normally written.

You have no rights in how someone disperses their Will and assets when they die, it is their right to choose where their money goes after death, that's just how it goes!
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You have the right to walk away and stop being her caregiver.

But other than that, you have no rights. No claim to her estate. The time to ask for compensation for the care you provide is while you are caring for her. If she’s not willing to pay you & have a care contract drawn up, then walk away.

Depening on your state law, if your husband dies before you, you may be legally entitled to his share of her estate but again it depends on state late and whether or not she’s included him in her will.
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You need a caregiver's contract so that you are paid now for what you are doing.

Waiting for an inheritance is a fool's errand.
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NO

and if it upsets you - either stop doing what you are OR get paid for it NOW
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Sadly, you stand to inherit nothing. Really, unless she has made provisions to leave you something specifically, you're out in the dark.

My MIL made it VERY clear to me that her will states her 3 kids split her estate 3 ways and if my DH passes before she does, I will not get 'a dime'. My 5 kids will inherit DH's 1/3rd.

Now, is this fair? No, but few things in life are. My BIL has been MIA and actually has not seen his mother for a couple of years. He left 45 years ago to pursue his career and schooling and really hasn't been back. He has flat out stated that he hates his mother.

I have done a lot for mine, despite her dislike of me. DH has been her handyman and go-to, but honestly she is such a mean woman, he can't bear to be around her. Here comes Mother's Day and I got her a gift and told him to be sure to call her and get the gift to her. He is going to be out of town over Mother's Day and I am positive he will not see her or call her on the day. So sad.

I cared for my FIL for months and months before he died. What did I inherit? Absolutely nothing. DH did, and of course that became community property, so to speak, but I personally? Nothing.

I'm really sorry for you. why do you continue to care for her? Why doesn't your DH step up and handle this? If you are caregiving for the 'hopes' of an inheritance--bad idea. I no longer speak to my MIL. I simply can't 'do" her any more. She was and is the meanest woman I have ever known and I do not have to put up with her.

Can you walk away from this? Sounds like you owe her absolutely nothing!
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Nurserygirl9 May 2019
We live in her house and she is 97 the other brother live very far I feel obligated to stay. I try to stay in basement quietly as much as possible. Till rest of family come home. One day we will be free lol. But the stress is slowly killing me.
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