I am executor of my friend's estate. He is like a father to me and I have cared for him and helped him for years but we are not blood related. Anyway, my friend's adult son is almost in his 40's and still lives with his dad and does not work or help with anything. My friend does have a will naming me as executor and his son as one of the beneficiaries. He does not have much money and we will be lucky if the equity from the sell of his house covers his final expenses. I will be out of pocket these expenses until the house is sold and I can get reimbursed.
I am worried that the son will drag this out. Not move out of the house, etc. I know there are ways to fight this in court but is there a clause that my friend can include in his will to give a deadline for his son to move out and for the house to be on the market? Or anything similar that will provide clarification and a timeline?
BUT
what I’d be concerned about is if doing a codicils will actually start a hornets nest from the layabout son as to his not liking your involvement in his dads life now and in his life in the future as your the Executor.
SO….. personally I wouldn’t change anything; I’d leave it all exactly as the will states and then go Alva’s route and decline the appointment of you as executor. You do NOT have to be Executor.
If the old fellow knows Sonny is beyond problematic, that you’ve agreed to be his Executor, this probably gives him a real sense of relief & calm. He doesn’t need to know that you’ll decline it when that eventuality happens. That you right now in 2021 know that there’s nothing but debts, no preneed done and house that will likely be a difficult sale due to Sonny’s presence and (I’ll bet) decades of delayed maintenance, is really really beyond fortunate.
There have been countless posts of this site from a family member or family friend who were named Executor in a Will, & they go ahead and do it… they hire a probate attorney, get Letters Testamentary naming them & deal with banking changes, etc…. and quickly find out that it’s all negative, all debts & thier getting the debt collector calls, the house has major repairs that Realtors want done to make it “market ready”, that the neighbors who were ok on the house while the elder was alive now are free to vent about all the crap at the house and your getting those calls….
You already know “Someone” aka you is going to need to front $ to get things started. Cremation 3k, probate atty 3-8k, property costs (taxes, insurance, utilities) for at least a year as Sonny probably doesn’t pay a penny. Unless the elder has a life insurance policy naming you sole beneficiary &/or a bank account POD to you, that combined around 10k, it going to be on all you as Executor to cover & front all $, & hopefully house sells asap (& for beyond all tally of debts); you settle debts of the Estate, you are able to be reimbursed and paid an Executor fee and the balance distributed to the beneficiaries. Lots of your $ & time.
So you decline to be named. The Son probably will be appointed by the court to be “Dependent Administrator” of his dads estate. So all actions are court supervised. If there other kids from either the dad or the moms marriages, court will probably want a lineal heirship done to establish heirs and 1 of them becomes the Dependent Administrator. Your not blood so entirely out of this process. There are ways for probate court to deal with all this. And lots of states have timeframes on by when dates for probate to open & close out.
If your still waffling on all this, if he has at all been on any Medicaid programs since he was 55, even community based ones, Medicaid (MERP) is required to attempt a recoup of their costs paid from his Estate. And if he is at all delinquent on property taxes, it will have gone up for annual tax sale & possibly tax sale redemption. Both can be dealt with but a maze of paperwork. Often folks have no idea these are lurking in the background on settling an Estate.
You might consider speaking with your friend NOW about your concerns, and explaining why you do not wish to serve. Why not tell him to appoint this son who he apparently likes well enough to have in his home and who realistically is now or will be his caregiver.
Your father figure friend should step up to help his own son if it’s the last thing he can do. That’s what a responsible father should do. If the son is really disabled, your friend should try to get the son in some government programs to receive help so he won’t be out on the cold street once his father goes to warm heaven. If he’s just lazy and never learns to stand on his own feet which means your friend has enabled his son all his life, then it’s time to use tough love approach to help him.
What your friend wants to do now is dumping the consequences of his parental failures on your lap to deal with after he’s gone. He has abdicated his responsibility as a parent.
If you want to help, then help him help his son to be on his own now.
Taking on the responsibility for his will is a really bad idea. Don’t do it.
Sounds great, problem is this is not realistic.
If there is no $, no reliable income via an asset owned by & within the Estate (in probate) for the Executor to draw from, then it’s going to fall to Executor to pay estates expenses until house sells. Hopefully the house sells for way beyond all the claims against the estate and all property costs and Act of Sale / Realtor costs so that the Executor is able to get a fee. But no guarantee 2 happen.
Utilities fully expect to be paid, if not, they will be shut off.
Tax collector expects to get paid, if not, property goes delinquent w/significant interest & possibly up for annual tax sale.
Insurance needs to be paid, if not, house becomes uninsured.
Should a fire happen, & it’s uninsured, the beneficiaries -as per will- can seek restitution from Executor for loss of anticipated inheritance (their % distribution), basically Heirs sue Executor.
For more fun in this, there seems to b heirs / beneficiaries beyond the son. If others are themselves expecting $$$ inheritance, OP will have to deal with all their noise & nonsense as well.
The OP (Saunders) already knows their friend has debt, has a home w/little equity and has a son living in the home who does NOT contribute financially and does NOT work. & OP has the vibe that the son likely to be difficult to move out of the home & not all kumbaya on them being the Executor.
OP cannot ask an elder law attorney to draw up or do anything.
It would HAVE TO be the old man who asks for this to be done and the old fellow has to be willing to sit at attorney office on his own & without prodding by OP to do any changes to his POA or his will. Ditto for old man’s banking or life insurance beneficiaries. If old man won’t, there is nothing absolutely nothing the OP can do about it. The only thing Saunders has control over is the ability to decline to be the Executor (or resign as a POA). Even if Saunders tell the old man now that he will not serve as Executor, the old man can still leave it written in his will that Saunders is his choice as Executor. OP can’t force a codicil to the will, or make Sonny pay for anything now or after his dad dies.
Situation is a tar baby, & you don’t want to be Br’ er Rabbit.
And obviously don't mention this concern in front of the son, as it would give him grounds (in his own mind) to challenge you, either personally or legally.
Do this "by the book."
'It is my wish that my daughter, _____, be reimbursed for any expenses she may incur relating to my estate, included but not limited to travel and accommodation expenses should any such expenses exceed executors expenses to which she is entitled.'
You see, I live in the US and Dad was in Canada (obviously during Covid the cost of quarantining in order to visit him was very expensive) He was also not a man of means. At 93 much of the estate had already gone to paying his and my mom's expenses so he wanted to make sure I didn't have to rely on the decency of brother's that lived 2 hours away and didn't visit for the last 18 months of his life.
Hope this is helpful