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I want to help him, but he's abusive. I am POA for my elderly father. He is living in an assisted living facility in Pennsylvania. I live in NYC. His home is in a reverse mortgage and I am in the process of cleaning it out and returning it to the bank. He wants to move back home but he is unable to take care of himself. He's 85. He has dementia and is under the care of a geriatric psychiatrist. He is verbally abusive to me. Can he revoke the POA? His threat. I don't mind doing the paperwork, bill pay, talking to doctors, etc. But his abuse is horrific. Just want to know if he can actually revoke the POA given these conditions. Wouldn't he need a laywer to do so? And can he do so with the dementia? Thanks a lot.

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In our case, we had to have TWO separate doctors declare him unable to make his own medical decisions before we could activate the POA. He would have to have at least two doctors and possibly a court hearing to reverse it. Most doctors will not go against another doctors claim, unless they do extensive testing. When a patient is deemed to have dementia, finding a doctor to even listen to this story would be a feat. I believe he is just using this threat to manipulate you. You are in the right forum for support. Ask questions. These people here can help you. They have done an amazing job of helping our family. Stay strong and good luck!
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Thank you all for your responses. I have the durable POA and the health care one. He went off the deep end yesterday as we have started to clean his out his house. A stranger he met who is not affiliated with his assisted living or an employee or a friend, drove him to his home where he saw we had cleaned. Now he's suing us for stealing from him. But my lawyer friend has looked at the documents and said it gives us the authority to act in his best interest which we've done. Thanks again.
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There are two types of POA either "standing" or "springing". Standing is you have the power and responsibility any time that you see fit. Springing usually requires some sort of incapacity to be documented usually by two doctors. Which type is yours?
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There have to be two con-current diagnosis before the judge will declare him incompetent or competent. We did extensive testing for our 86 year old, to not skip corners but other siblings declared themselves POA and we could not get them to change it because, she did not know terminology or how to speak up for herself.

Sounds like your POA is in his long term memory...
I think he would have to revoke you through court,
which unlike the ordinary POA which just has to be signed by a notary,
since he probably is incompetent.
We always here that competency can be re-determined but Alz is pretty permanent.

You do know these days that disabled people have a right to stay in their own home,
and as long as they still own their own home, and only have SS, they can qualify for home caretakers.

He is still alive, his possessions are still his, is he being included in your need to clean the place out for the bank?


I am unsure of reverse mortgages, it would depend on how much he has left,
after paying for Assisted Living, commercials tell you that the house it still yours,
and will be yours, until you die.



Our 86 year old was almost to catatonic in AL but she is home now with her son and doing well.
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No he cannot revoke your POA. Take his abuse for he will be gone and you can know you did everything right for him. You will sleep well at night!
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there are two POAs, one for everything finacial and one for health care decisions. Which do you have?
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I never did have to get guardianship of my mom to take care of her house, but I did have to have two doctor's letters to indicate the POA was activated or in effect and I could make those decisions. He can't *validly* change POA if he is incapacitated but he could sign documents and you would end up having to contest them and it could be a big ordeal; you may want to get full guardianship and/or a firm declaration of incompetence if he still has the wherewithal to actually file a suit that you will have to defend. I would actually feel better to hear you paid an eldercare attorney for formal consultation rather than were just reassured by a laywer friend on this!
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Highly unlikely, but would sue the pants off an attorney took a dime from him:)
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My 88 yr old friend woke up one day and was very sick. He went to the hospital and then home with a caregiver who has gotten him almost as good as he was before hand. His daughter took POA for medical and dose not share any of his affairs with him. He needs a little help with food and meds. He lived alone till this and hardly ever saw his children. He wants them out of his life and wants to revoke the POA and change his Trust. He knows rght from wrong. What can he do to get rid of his children?
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