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My brother and sister are going to petition for guardianship of my dad who was found incompetent. My Mother is his full time caregiver. They are going to the lawyer on Tuesday to begin the process. I have been reading about the experience others have had with this and there are so many horror stories it has me pretty scared.

There are a few things in particular that I find alarming. From what I can gather if my siblings become guardians they would have the right to say who can and cannot see my Dad. They would be the only people with legal access to my Dads medical records and they would control everything about him including end of life decisions, where he lives and financial affairs. I'm fine with them controlling his finances but the other issues I would like a voice in. Is it possible for me to have them specify that they could not keep family members from seeing my Dad? Or that Mom and I would have some say in his care and living situation? I hear that the powers of guardianship can be limited but how? Finally can more than two people share guardianship?

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I am just now finding out some answers, as I am in a similar situation, with my sister petitioning for control over my 88 year old mom. I understand that you will be interviewed by a court investigator and most likely by a court appointed lawyer for your mom, and that is where you can start to voice concerns. Yes, guardianship can be limited under certain circumstances and I understand that for most important decisions, siblings need to be notified by the guardian in advance. But you can also be intentionally kept in the dark. Your best chance at getting your voice heard is to file an objection to the petition for conservatorship and present those concerns to the judge at the hearing, I am trying to find out how to do that myself right now and will update what I discover. Its turning into yet another nightmare for mom and all of us.
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I am missing the part about why you or your siblings have not simply applied for power of attorney? Is it because Dad is not competent enough to sign for that? It's way less expensive to do that, and, normally that POA would go to the wife first, if she is compentent and the caregiver, but there can be secondary POAs or the chores can be shared too. If Mom were POA and she didn't want all the responsibility, she could delegate financial decisions over to one of the kids and designate another one as Medical POA. If Dad is already incompetent and so declared by two physicians, then I can see you cannot go the POA route, because he has to be alert and oriented enough to understand the form and why he is signing it. My Dad signed while not declared incompetent, but at the time when he was forgetting to pay bills in his dementia. He and Mom went to the attorney and signed over the trust and the POA for both of them. Mom is still pretty much competent but she never did have the financial where with all to pay bills, write checks and handle money appropriately. She didn't want the stress of it all. So it came to me. Then, as Dad's dementia progressed, he wanted to take it all back once when he was angry at losing the control. AT that point, the lawyer got the letters from the two doctors declaring him incompetent. Mom still makes most day to day decisions, but I handle all the finances. BUT she is more ornery and now her dementia is causing some difficulties, as she's needing more help, and money is running low. She is NOT wanting any decisions about caregivers, or moving from her home....so lawyer has said, if she won't 'come around' with some gentle discussions, we either have to declare her incompetent or go the guardianship route. He said we should avoid the guardianship route if we can, because it is so expensive to go to court and the process often turns family members against each other because all of us, including my mom would have to be in court and be questioned by the judge. So we are trying to lead her gently by the nose at this point, to decide between assisted living or living with family out of town. She's refusing to consider selling her house, and it's all very tenuous. My best wishes to you for a good outcome. This responsibility for our parents is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with!!
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Thank you so much zookeepr. Your response is very helpful.
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Thank you for your thoughtful response joannes. My Dad and Mom refused to designate any POA . They have always been very secretive and paranoid, it's part of our family dysfunction.
My sister rushed into having my Dad and MOM tested for competency because they were refusing to allow us to help them manage their very messed up finances. Her intent was to use the results to gain guardianship. Mom passed everything with flying colors but dad was found incompetent. Sis is now filling for guardianship and my brother is joining her to be co-guardian.
I have so many mixed feelings about this especially since my sister can be a complete bully (abusive) when people do not do as she says. I don't want to contest this because I fear that would just make things worse but I do want to make sure I always have the right to see my parents AND to be kept in the loop about important things. My sister has already shown the propensity to withhold important information and to act unilaterally.
If she were Dads caregiver I would be less concerned but she is not. My 82 year old Mom is and she is having real trouble managing which does not seem to bother either one of my siblings. For them finances come first which in their defense DOES need immediate addressing. It's just that I think we can make both issues a priority.
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