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Who are you caring for?
Which best describes their mobility?
How well are they maintaining their hygiene?
How are they managing their medications?
Does their living environment pose any safety concerns?
Fall risks, spoiled food, or other threats to wellbeing
Are they experiencing any memory loss?
Which best describes your loved one's social life?
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I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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I think you need to consult with a Family Law attorney. Or perhaps an Elder Law attorney could explain various options of dealing with a spouse who has dementia.
manatakei, if your husband is raging at you, that means he needs to see his primary doctor immediately. He could have an urinary tract infection that can be cleared with antibiotics. If it isn't an UTI, then the doctor can prescribe meds that can calm your husband down.
As for a divorce, your husband probably cannot agree to a divorce due to his dementia. A person needs to be able to understand the legal documents they are signing. Would he be able to do that?
I realize that being a caregiver for someone who has major memory issues is very difficult and quite frustrating. You need to understand how your husband is acting is not his fault..... you are in the line of fire because you are there. Love can be easily lost under such circumstances. I've read where husbands want to divorce their wives because the wife has dementia. It's such a sad situation. See what his doctor can do for him.
In addition to getting him to him primary for a UTI check, you need to explain to this doctor that you can no longer care for him at home if this raging continues. It's not good for YOUR health to be in constant fear!
If no UTI, then he needs to be referred for a geripsych workup, perhaps in an inpatient behavioral unit or psych hospital. I know that this sounds like a nuclear option, but so many posters here have had great results with in-patient psych evals and medciation adjustments that it would seem a pity NOT to explore that option.
Of course, you also need to evaluate if it's time to get him into a facility.
Explore ALL of these options with his doctor, asap!
I appreciate your situation and know it must be both frightening and challenging to continue as you are. You have been given great advice. Yours is a complicated situation that no doubt your state has ruled on before. When the situation has deteriorated to the point that you would contemplate divorce you need medical and legal advice for both you and your husband. Don't live in this situation without doing Everything you can to make it better but realize both of you have legal rights and deserve consideration. Don't neglect your own health. Coming here was a good start. It's good to vent but take action for the both of you. It's a two step like the phrase "Pray to God and Row to Shore."
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
As for a divorce, your husband probably cannot agree to a divorce due to his dementia. A person needs to be able to understand the legal documents they are signing. Would he be able to do that?
I realize that being a caregiver for someone who has major memory issues is very difficult and quite frustrating. You need to understand how your husband is acting is not his fault..... you are in the line of fire because you are there. Love can be easily lost under such circumstances. I've read where husbands want to divorce their wives because the wife has dementia. It's such a sad situation. See what his doctor can do for him.
If no UTI, then he needs to be referred for a geripsych workup, perhaps in an inpatient behavioral unit or psych hospital. I know that this sounds like a nuclear option, but so many posters here have had great results with in-patient psych evals and medciation adjustments that it would seem a pity NOT to explore that option.
Of course, you also need to evaluate if it's time to get him into a facility.
Explore ALL of these options with his doctor, asap!
You have been given great advice.
Yours is a complicated situation that no doubt your state has ruled on before.
When the situation has deteriorated to the point that you would contemplate divorce you need medical and legal advice for both you and your husband. Don't live in this situation without doing Everything you can to make it better but realize both of you have legal rights and deserve consideration. Don't neglect your own health.
Coming here was a good start. It's good to vent but take action for the both of you.
It's a two step like the phrase
"Pray to God and Row to Shore."