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My husband, who is 15 years older than me, is in bad health physically (has prostate cancer) and has some dementia going on. If he ends up in assisted living (which will be private pay as we have LTC insurance) can I seek a divorce? I would like to move on with my life and he wants me too. This may sound harsh but we are realistic. I know I can file for divorce but would like to know about the timing..if we should do it before he ends up in AL or his dementia gets worse.

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Whatever path you both chose us going to be complex & really you both need good legal advice. I'd suggest you start with a NAELA certified one.

There's a lot of issues that could get sticky....like a fair division of assets; who will become his DPOA MPOA, etc. IF there are children from prior marriages or assets carried over into this marriage this could be really really sticky to deal.
If a divorce s what you both want you need legal to get on this ASAP.

Oh & about the LTC insurance policy, review it are fully to see what the coverage is. Many require an other pay window (often 90 days) before the LTC will kick in & pay whatever limits are as per policy. His policy limits may not pay for all costs. You may want to look at facilities to see which will provide his care needs and will take LTC insurance. My moms NH did not take LTC insurance as a Payor. What billing told me when I asked as to why.....was that each of the LTC companies had their own different criteria for reinbursement and it was just too paperwork heavy to get paid which was often delayed....that really accepting medicaid was better as the NH was paid like clockwork from the state will no BS once the resident was Medicaid eligible. I have no idea if this (facility's not taking LTC insurance) is a trend or a one off by this NH group.
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The previous writer concerning LT ins.urance prompts me to ask a . Have any of you dealt with LT care insurance and what was your experience? I am urging my daughter and husband to look into this while they are still young (ish) but I know that in some cases the policies have not done what the buyer thought they would.
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Wee - about LTC, well to me LTC policies can have of issues in feasibility. I think LTC is fabulous if it is just a part of long term planning; so you have other investments or savings or income that will work with the LTC to pay for care over time. So you have 300-500k that could be liquid and a nice solid LTC policy that has a realistic inflation clause that will cover most of the costs for 2 years (& your nest egg pays for whatever insurance doesnt) and starts paying 30 days after admission.

The problem IMHO is that the costs of long term health care has increased so much from whatever older policy states so that the old policy is pretty useless. Or what it pays is only a fraction of what the monthly cost is & family cannot afford the gap. Or has an increase in policy years & years later that they can't pay as they are now in thier 70's& 80's on fixed income. (on this one there are lots of articles you can google...search genworth increase premiums...to find some & genworth is a really great & solid company so if they need to do this it is not a good sign for lesser ltc insurance companies). Or the policy based on salary range from ages ago and there is no health professional to be found who will accept the low payment. I actually know of a daughter who enrolled in a CNA program to be certified so they could capture the LTC $ both her parents had.....it was the only way to get payment as she was ok in getting the low payment rate but there was no way they could hire a regular CNA as the payment was way below current rates. Her parents policy had a pretty worthless inflation index that didn't start at the terms till they filed on the policy.

We just don't know what health care costs are going to morph into. There is a tsunami of baby boomers who will be needing care. If your likely to have 500k+ you can dedicate to funding your final years, you'll be fine. There are lots of folks who can do this. But otherwise, if they live long enough they will run out of $ and family will run out of ability & humor, and they end up applying for medicaid.

The insurance companies are aware of all this & it's probably why hybrid life insurance policies are now becoming available. Obit time will tell a decade or 2 from how how well those work.

To me your best LTC policy is to stay within weight, get regular exercise, take your meds & never "retire" mentally and be helpful & nice to your kids spouses or partners!
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The law varies state to state.
I know New York state is not good.
Michigan has better options.
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I have John Hancock LTC thru the Federal Government's employee plan. AND the most important thing is you have to get inflation protection or it won't be worth a whole lot in years to come. I agree, today's policies are no very good...you pretty much had to buy LTC at least 10 years ago to get a good one that paid out anything and was affordable. I'm 65 and bought mine at age 52 and I pay $120.00/month for my LTC insurance which covers both in home and facility unlimited term (which I don't think they even offer now). I would only go to a facility that accepted it. Can't image a LTC facility not taking insurance.
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For divorce possibilities and issues, see a matrimonial or divorce lawyer. Google the Tennessee Bar Association, look for that practice area of law, find some local ones, review their websites and contact various ones to inquire about no-fault divorces and the costs.
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If you divorce your husband, you will lose the rights to be his medical advocate, help with carrying out his wishes for end of life, you may lose the P.O.A., 1/2 of any assets will become a war with family intervention, you can be falsely accused of not having his best interests at heart, you can be prevented from visiting him in AL., etc. the list is endless. FYI.
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Kashi, you can divorce him, but that won't save the house from Medicaid. They still do a 5 year look back, so does the VA now. If he has a pension, you lose survivor's benefits. If you were married less than ten years, you also lose social security benefits. You may create more problems than you solve.
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pamstegma...We can pay for his LTC in assisted living...he has LTC insurance and has his own pension and SS that should be more than enough to pay for his care. I was never listed as a survivor on his pension as it deducted way too much. I also am not entitled to his SS as I have a Fed'l Govt pension ...so his money can all go to his care. I have my own money...The only family he has is a son who doesn't seem to be interested in him. But he would be well taken care of.
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As far as I know, there's no government assistance i..e...medicare or medicaid that pays for Assisted Living. So this is strictly self pay...therefore, don't understand why AL facilities would not accept LTC insurance.
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The State of Tennessee pays for services in assisted living communities. The program is called TennCare CHOICES in Long-Term Care. Participants that choose to reside in a community will receive financial help for nursing and personal care services. Room and board is not covered by this Medicaid waiver.
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I spoke with an assisted living facility today and they said that my LTC insurance pays me and I then pay the AL ....I always thought that the LTC insurance paid the facility directly....has anyone had any experience with LTC insurance...???
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LTC insurance pays after personal pay with the billed normally faxed to them. They only pay a % of the bill. My mom's LTC paid 80% of her monthly bill.
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There are so many types of Long Term Care Policies. I have one with Liberty Mutual. I can either have the money sent directly to me, to an assisted Living Facility, Nursing Home or agency that provides caregivers.
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