My brother sold mums house just before she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's then moved her into his house on her own He now tells me I can only see her when he says Tells me to clean the house shower her
There's no windows in the room that I can open with locks no key She doesn't pick her own food they bring in what they want her to have he constantly tells me his house his rules Gives her no money Won't buy food for her dog she wants only what he wants her to have I want care to come in she needs this he says no he's not paying out money out for this Mum as savings pensions coming in he's got POA over her finances I don't care about money just want her to have proper care is his attitude abuse What can I do I'm frightened she is going down hill I want to stop this does POA mean over her health care as well as her money can anyone help me
If his attitude is as you describe and your mother is as capable as you describe, then yes: he is neglecting her right to autonomy; there may also be financial abuse.
He does not need to hire carers for your mother as long as she is adequately cared for by family members. Is she?
There are two types of Lasting Power of Attorney in the UK: LPA for Finance, and LPA for Health & Welfare. For either to be valid, your mother must have drawn up the documents while she was still capable. Her signature on the document has to be witnessed by an independent person, and her understanding of what she is doing must also have been certified by someone with the correct authority - her GP, her solicitor, someone like that. A family member cannot be a witness and cannot certify capacity.
That's not all. As part of the process, an LPA has to be registered with the Office of the Public Guardian. At that point, the OPG will notify anybody recorded as a Person To Be Told. This gives other friends or family members the opportunity to object to an LPA coming into force - for example, because they know that the representative has a conviction for fraud, or because they disagree that the vulnerable person has lost capacity.
But let's say that the registration process has gone ahead and your brother does have valid, registered Lasting Powers of Attorney for both Finance and for Health & Welfare. If you believe that he is misusing his authority, you can still report it to the OPG. If you believe that your mother is being neglected, you can report it to the Adult Safeguarding team at your local authority. You can also report this to your own GP, who as a health practitioner is obliged to pass on your concerns. You can go to your local library and ask them for information about relevant organisations near you.
So, lots of options there.
Finally, back to your original question: can you get your mother into sheltered housing or have a carer go in. You can't, no; but Social Services will review your mother's situation and suggest options if they agree that she is not being adequately looked after.
Here's the thing. What the policeman told you about the person with LPA having to report an allegation is obvious nonsense. On the contrary,we've all seen the reams of leaflets lying around the place - GPs' surgeries, hospitals, police stations, even supermarkets - informing the public that reporting abuse of vulnerable people is EVERYBODY'S responsibility. So certainly the policeman would have known that.
So why would the policeman feel the need to tell you this tara-tiddle, and fob you off? Do you quite often report things to the police?
This question is important: are you living with your mother in your brother's house?
If not, who is living there permanently as your mother's primary carer?
I'm going to start another post now to give you direct answers to your direct questions.
It's late and you must be tired - I know I am.
In the morning, call Adult Social Care and ask to speak to a social worker about your elderly mother who has dementia and lives alone. Tell her or him what the situation is and what you'd like done. What you would like is for someone to visit your mother and assess her care needs, yes?
The only thing is, that I think it is incredibly unlikely that this has not already been done.
So another option would be for you to think carefully about this: your mother's illness, and her new living arrangements in your brother's house, are both a very big deal. These are major changes that are very stressful for you to adapt to. So, who's looking after you? Who do you turn to for help and support when life is difficult?
Dementia is hard to cope with, you know. Your brother probably thinks he's doing the best thing for your mum. But for one thing, he will have a lot to learn - this is early days, and nobody really understands what they're dealing with when they take it on. And for another, it's possible that he loves your mother but doesn't like her very much at the moment. He'll need support to adjust and learn how to look after her well, too.
But meanwhile I'm more worried about you. There aren't any crisis lines open now that I can see, but if you need to talk things through with someone you can call the Samaritans on 116 123 - they run a listening service, it isn't only for people who are suicidal or thinking about self-harm. Feel better, hugs to you.
When are Social Services coming to assess your mother's needs?
Does your mother have income of her own? She will in any case be entitled to the normal state pension, of course, but there are other allowances and benefits that she is equally *entitled* to (no nonsense about being too proud to claim!); and she may also have other state, private, widow's or occupational pensions or annuities.
Did Social Services give you an idea of when they'd get back to you?
I wouldn't get too hung up on the precise house value. £23,000 - that's an oddly exactly figure to put on it, by the way! Where did you get it? - isn't the kind of amount that a lady with Alzheimers Disease couldn't easily knock off her property through neglect and damage. In the end, in our screwed-up property market, a house is worth what somebody actually pays for it and nobody can really prove any different.
There are literally dozens of organisations you can approach for help. Some are official, if you like, such as your GP, your mother's GP, your local authority and so on. Then there are also all of the advice lines and not for profit organisations that assist with elder care and the protection of vulnerable adults.
So the question is, what do you want to do? If I know what steps you plan to take, I can make better suggestions about who might be able to help you.
If the answer is the same as it was - "get my mother into sheltered housing" - then you know it isn't as simple as that. Get her into sheltered housing of what sort? To be cared for by whom? With a care package provided by whom? With whose agreement and authorisation?
Step 1 is to contact Adult Social Services for your mother's area and find out if she has a case worker. If she has, that person should be your main contact. If she hasn't, you can take the whole story to them from the beginning and they will advise you what your options are.
And listen. If all you really want to do, when all's said and done, is just tell someone how you feel and how worried you are, then that's fine too. But it's less frustrating for us readers if you're clear about what you'd like from us! Hugs to you, feel better.
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