My brother is our father’s enduring POA, and has control of his finances, but I have father living in our home. I take care of his meals, medication, doctor appointments, showering etc 24/7.
When all this was done with our father’s lawyer, my sister didn’t bother signing her part of guardianship and still hasn’t done so. I am my father’s enduring guardian.
If you have POA (Power of Attorney) or legally-appointed conservatorship/guardianship of your father, this gives you the legal authority to have him placed in care, to administer his money and assets, and to make his medical decisions.
I was an in-home caregiver for 25 years by profession to more people than I can remember. Often times I was someone's "primary caregiver". It means nothing other than you're the one responsible to meet the needs of the person and you do all of the work, or at least the lion's share of it. You have no legal authority over the person you're taking care of.
So yes, if you do not have your father's POA or there's no conservatorship/guardianship not only can your siblings legally stop you from placing your father, your father can legally stop you too.
Do not sign anything as guarantor making you responsible for your father’s bills .
Tell your brother who does hold the purse strings that you can no longer care for Dad . You may have to actually leave Dad on your brother’s doorstep to get him to place Dad .
You need to tell brother you no longer can care for Dad. His needs are too much. No one can be forced to care for someone. If he does not take over then call APS. Tell them you can no longer care for Dad and the POA refuses to use Dads money for his care.
Most people just do a POA with a lawyer and names one of their family members.
If there's already a POA and it's Durable and covers more than just finacial for the father, that person is legally respnsible for him.
If you are talking about LEGAL Guardianship/conservatorship then you are solely in charge.
If you are simply the caregiver, why do you not have a care contract for shared living expenses?
You have taken your father into your home.
At that point you have made it YOUR HOME.
You are an apparently unpaid slave as a caregiver while your brother holds the reins.
It is time to tell brother that you will be seeing an elder law attorney now to advise you on a care contract and/or placement.
Another way to go is to get together your docs who can write that you are not longer mentally or physically able to care for your father in home. Then a letter stipulating this goes from your attorney to the POA telling him how long he has to place his father.
See an attorney.
Primary Caregiver is more of a social title I guess? While it can & should carry much respect & doesn't being much 'power'.
You have human rights to freedom.
No-one has the right, ever, to en-slave you.
In fact, the Universal Declaration of Human Rights explicitly references slavery, stating in Article 4: No one shall be held in slavery or servitude.
Therefore, as Primary Caregiver you may not have the power to transfer your Dad into a care home.. you don't have to continue to be his caregiver.
Does this make sense?
Tell your brother explicitly that you are giving notice as your father’s caregiver.
Whatever needs to be done to remove your father from your home, do it.
Your brother is POA, so it is his responsibility to figure it out.
Were you paid for your services or did your brother expect you to do everything for free? This is when I bet that you wish that you were an only child.
I hope that you will find a viable solution soon. I would ask your brother if he will be picking up your dad or if he needs you to drop him off.
What would happen if you broke your leg? Couldn't drive, just couldn't hobble around on crutches & look after your Father?
What would POA Brother likely do?
- Take your Father to his home?
- Hire Support Workers?
- Locate & pay for a bed for your Father in assisted living for respite (until you were able bodied again).
(Please don't break your leg to test this out!)
Basically, if you were UNABLE what then?
Next is *The Holiday Test*
You have every right to go on holiday btw. Whatever suits your inclinatuon & budget.
What if.. Hi Bro, just letting you know I'll be away in Sep on a 3 weeks Pacific Ocean cruise. Can't wait! So what care arrangements can we (as a family) make for Dad?
Lastly *The Quit Test*.
When a caregiver quits, the
care plan HAS to be changed.
Thoughts?
PS My Aged Care Plan.
Does Dad have one?
Yours is a common problem when one person holds the purse strings and another is in charge of healthcare decisions. I think the resolution is in the understanding that having the authority to make decisions in no way obligates you to do any actual hands on caregiving, maybe it's time your father took a little vacation to visit your brother and his family for a few weeks, I like Beaty's suggestion of you taking your own holiday and being unavailable....
I have come on this forum to voice genuine concerns about my father and my siblings manipulating me into caring for my father indefinitely. Whether or not I initially stated that I am from Australia is of no consequence. However the Australian laws differ from USA regarding guardianship, the fact remains that I shouldn’t be made to look after a man who should be in permanent care.
Rather than IF you can move your Father, have you already decided to? Have set the wheels in motion & seeking advice if Brother can stop you?
"I am getting a long overdue knee replacement in August and will indeed be on crutches for 6 weeks."
Choose a respite care home you like, close to your home if you can.
This is golden opportunity to change from 'respite care' to 'permanent care'.
Because if you are not wanting to take Dad back at the end of the respite stay, Dad's stay will need to be extended. Slightly or indefinitely.
POA Brother will need to sign the original admission papers for respite I guess? Will he?
Give the hotline a call: 1800 353 374
(it's not a crises line so may be office hours)
I am thinking that witholding care (or funds to obtain care) could be considered *neglect* & therefore be *Elder Abuse* .
Ask for advice on this.
Has your Father had an Aged Care Needs Assessment? (Called ACAS or ACAT depending on state). If not, you can call your local council to arrange. A trained assessor will go through your Father's Dx, ADLs & care requirements. They may also be able to advice you of your next options. (I bet they have seen this before).