Can you bill an estate for elder care once the parent has passed?

Cubpiper

Give a Hug
If you're not lookin for reimbursement, let it go, and live your life.

If you are only doing this as a statement to your siblings don't waste your time and effort. It will not be interpreted the way you wish. That plan only makes sense to you. It is too subjective to be comprehended by other people. It also looks like other things, like your objective is something else and generally people are attracted to the negative especially if there is any conflict in a family.

My older brother and I are eternally grateful to our younger brother and his wife for Dad in when his health took a turn and he could no longer live alone. It's been two years now, and it's not been smooth sailing, by no means. I try a couple times a year, and am going to shoot for three times a year now, to drive the 7 hours to give some breaks through the year, but it's not enough. My older brother doesn't help, not because of not wanting to, but because his wife is also sickly and really needs him to be with her and they live four states away.

I was, after 6 months, able to convince my dad to pay my brother and sis in law monthly for not only his share of the groceries and bills, but a decent amount extra as salary (with sage advice from this forum). He's also given them money to put in a new septic and a new roof on their house.

When dad dies, we'll probably all be in agreement to then split what's left equally after expenses, since little brother and sis in law was compensated while dad was alive.

However, it it comes right down to it, if my little brother and sis in law should feel their entitled to more, neither my brother or I are going to protest. If it weren't for Bro and sis in law, Dad would have nothing to give and would have had to live out his live in a nursing home rather then living with those who really love him. Both older brother and I are eternally grateful for little bro and sis in law and if Dad ends up living another 5 more years and they get all the money he has, I'll say they earned every penny. I'm dad's POA but my brother and sister in law has all the say so as far as I'm concerned as long as they are his caregivers and I know they have only his best interest's at heart.

Your siblings are looking at this thing in all the wrong ways. Could they have taken mom in? What would their lives have been like for the last five years if they had? Shouldn't you be entitled to recoup some of your costs, time, effort, now that mom's gone? I know exactly what your saying, and how you feel. Too bad your siblings don't. Maybe you need to see if you can get them to read this thread. Maybe the thoughts of others will help. You might try printing it off and send it to them.... Just a thought....

It isn't the reimbursement that I am looking for. Just a realization from the siblings that had my Mom been in assisted living, or really anywhere else, what is left in her estate would have been gone in that first year. My husband worked to provide a gift for me...to be able to stay at home with her for 5 years. I really was the lucky one. To have a relationship with her and a friendship was worth more than any money, and will always be. I just don't think that it has even crossed my siblings minds that the reason they have an inheritance to fight over is because of the sacrifice everyone else made. They act like they are entitled and will do whatever they can to get whatever money is there. It's strange how ugly people can get in the end.

I would use up all the mother's money to provide for her care. It is a great thing that you did to care for her and stay with her. I would never expect my siblings to understand the personal sacrifice aspect of this. That is why your mother should have written a will stating that while she loves all her children equally, the personal sacrifice of time, energy and money given by you will be a larger part of the inheritance. That is why people write wills.
Believe me- I have seen it all. Your siblings will not part with money they are not legally required to. After all, they did not even visit or say thank you. They says it all.
It is very important for people to write in their will what they want. Even siblings with much more money will take take their share, regardless of the sacrifices you made.
As I said, it is eveident they really don't get it as they didn't bother to even help.
Be grateful that you were a better person and they are never going to understand it - ever. Perhaps you could run it by a lawyer. But from what you have written, it doesn't sound like the will was worded to award you anything extra for laying out your time and money.
It was very good of your husband to assist. Perhaps he can hold sway with your siblings.
I lost a loved one 2 and a half years ago. I took care of her as best I could. I was awarded a certain amount in her will. Others had much greater means than me and still took their share. When it comes to money, don't expect anyone to "reward you" except the person who writes the will.
When my aunt was sick, people suggested I take care of her so there would be more left for me. She had already written her will and the same share would be left to me whether I dropped everything and used my own money or not.
Spend down the loved ones money for their care. That is what it is there for. Don't expect a reward for shelling out your own money. That seems like a very tough battle.
God bless you for taking care of your mom. I am sure you would have done no less. However, if there is no clause in the will awarding you expenses, it sounds like you will not collect a dime from your disinterested siblings.
Maybe they will pay the funeral expenses with the tie share. Sad but common story, I regret to inform you.
No one can ever take away from you the truth- that you cared for your mom and she gave you a special love for doing so. That is the inheritance your siblings will not get.

If you had a valid contract specifying what you would be paid and proof that you weren't paid, yes, you could bill the estate. And your siblings would assume you are a greedy parasite who only did it hoping for the money.

Sigh.

The time to explain how much mom's care would have cost if you weren't providing it, and how your caregiving made an inheritance possible was while you were doing the caregiving.

You spent your own money on items Mother needed, even though she had enough funds so that there is some left now? Why? Presumably as a gift. It is sad that some of the beneficiaries of that gift are not appreciative. Very sad. But all that is water under the bridge now (or over the dam or whatever the water of regret goes.)

I think your story is a good lesson for others who are caring for their parents now.

I know 100% where you are coming from. Same as for I. Took my mother from my brother who would lock her up like a dog and run the streets for scrape did not know this was happening until she had fallen. She was really bad taken care of long story short I had to hire lawyers to get guardianship of mom and all her affairs. She had nothing as the other siblings gaffe-led all her possessions like thieves in the night when she was in the hospital and in my care. She recently passed away 2-14-2016 in the hospital and even on her death bed the vultures were not satisfied and wanted more torture to mom seeing her in such pain pleasures the other siblings I saw. She had a real happy time while with me she was clean and well nourished and seen by doctors every 3 months, up til the end. She went in her sleep and was very much at ease too. I had to find funds for funeral expenses which I am still paying on with the help of my husband. The siblings 2 daughters and her only son are still posting s#@t over FB. Her oldest daughter and husband helped with the wake the only one I consider a true sister.
They did not bother to help, call , or visit mom. Oh boy while she is past away they are talking as if now they care, such BS. and all the boo who.....It costed me alot of out of pocket for lawyers to keep mom safe and the necessities she very much needed. So yeah I feel your heart aches very much so. I took care of mom for 2 long years 24/7 and ran my own business. I am still feeling the physicals wear and tear it had on me. I am trying to get my life back. As it was always looking at the clock for when my rest time away from aides looking at her while I get away. Best of luck. Relax now and thank Jesus for taking our love ones out of the pain and suffering they endured.

Thanks to you there is an inheritance, and the best thing you can do is forgive your siblings for being so greedy and disrespectful of your mother. You are just going to have to let this go, and "the point" is, you know what and how you cared for your mother, and karma will eventually get all your siblings for being uncaring. I am sorry for your loss.

I drew up a contract of care with my partner. If his kids gave me any trouble, I was going to produce that document. It covered the duties and the pay. Check with your attorney, but I will tell you, my attorney thought I had thought this out and did a good job. If nothing else, if they took me to court, I could produce his signature on a document hiring me.

I feel you oh so completely. First I was taking care of mom 7 yrs ago once she got stage 4 cancer. We battled that back with 2010 being a year with over 200 doctors visits, labs, chemo, surgery, ER 6+times, inpatient numerous times when not outpatient. Just when my mom started stabilizing my dad crashed through a medical mistake at the VA and was inpatient and in ICU for over 3 months. Prior to this I was still working full time and going to every single appointment and coordinating with all of her doctors. Dad was the chauffeur but really was not interested in being more involved. I thought I could cut a break with mom going into remission but after Dad crashed I quit my job. I stayed with him nearly 20 hrs a day and slept in a chair. HOUSTON VA does everything it can to discourage families. He had a 17% chance for survival. My only sibling insisted I find a job and criticized me every time she saw me at the hospital. I have been caring for dad and all of dad's personal, health and financial affairs since his release. He had to relearn to walk and eat and was still weak as in 3 months or more in bed and your leg muscles atrophy. But I went back to work for two more years and juggled caring for them both full time and worked full time giving at least a third of my pay for meds, supplements, food and incidentals. Until mom got vascular dementia, I really tried balancing everything but they called me constantly at work. I could never sleep more than 4 hrs and fell into a deep depression. I confided in a coworker who told management and they fired me "as it is company policy to threaten to harm anyone, including yourself". I had already been a caregiver for 6 or more years by then. I had already used all my money, cashed in all my 401k all to keep us barely afloat. My only sibling, a prosperity gospel millionaire (ex husband)LVN went on vacation while dad was in ICU. She spent one night and visited for a week and a half before she presented papers for them to sign their assets over to her. Dad refused, she has not lifted nary a finger since. Two dinners (holidays), a few clothes, usually from resale and a 2 or 3 hundred bucks and she is done for the year. Yet I know she will fight the estate. She said she already has a lawyer. We redid the will recently, Dad made me executrix but still left my sister 50% of everything. No worries, there will be nothing and noone left in the end. Even mom with her dementia saw how cowardly and outrageous his actions were. Yet I still care for them. I am down to nothing, literally, and he still expects me to help pay for moms needs and he can call me every day to come over, help eith mom,bathing, feeding, giving med, calming down etc. And also take care of her legal, financial,tax, insurance, resource, health issues as they come up. Oh and his as well. I cant not see them for more than a day without some crazy crisis appearing. Police called etc. If there is reincarnation I pray fervently to never see any of these miserable son of a b :-) itches ever ever ever again. (except for my mom). Because of them, but mostly my sister, I really seriously question if there is a God.