Basically I'm 49 almost 50 and completely disabled. I have to have a lot done for me and it's left to my husband whom usually leaves me setting in my own filth and won't wash my clothes. I literally have to beg him to wake up and go get food before he leaves. He also tells me I'm fat and ugly . He told me yesterday to my face he avoids talking to me. I'm still fighting for my disability, so I would lose everything by leaving him and he knows. I just don't know what to do. 😭
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. You can also call a local church to see if they have a Care Ministry (you don't have to be a member or believer) -- but a church is only to fill a brief gap. You need a long-term plan.
Are you alread a Medicaid recipient? If so, you may qualify for full-time facility care... a social worker can help you with this.
Clearly, you are leaving out a lot of important details in your story.
Seriously though, if you are so disabled that you are invalid and need someone to clean you, feed you, and do everything else you belong in a nursing home.
If your husband avoids even talking to you he's sending a pretty clear message that he does not want you in his life anymore and does not want to be your caregiver.
You can do what has been suggested here and call APS for yourself and they can help you get into a care facility that can meet your needs. You deserve to have decent and adequate care. That's a human right in my opinion. Your husband does not have to be the one who provides it though.
There is help out there, but you have to be strong enough to really want it.
So make those phone calls right now!
I hope and pray that you will.
I have to agree with Burnt that you may qualify for LTC. Better than living like u do. Call APS.
If the OP is as disabled as she claims to be and is totally dependent on others for all of her basic needs, disability will not turn her down. There has to be proof that she is invalid for legitimate reasons. Being depressed and hating your spouse are not good enough reasons for social security to approve a person.
You tell us that you are completely disabled, and in need of nearly total care, yet you are still "fighting for disability".
It is time to discuss with your doctor the fact that you are trapped now in an abusive situation.
You have several courses of action:
1. Call 911 when hubby is gone from house. Have them take you to ER. As you describe yourself as completely disabled, it will be easy for you to make up some dire circumstance, but "chest pain, pressure in my chest " always works. Add in a little "short of breath, nauseated, pain radiating to my arms" to insure you are headed for ER.
2. Once you are in ER you can say you think the pain is from all the anxiety you are going through and that you are trapped at home with an abusive man.
They are mandated reporters.
Tell them you cannot return home.
And you are IN. You will be put in care of some kind and this will allow you access to social workers who can help with placement for you, and with applications to medicaid if required, and disability will also be worked on.
I wish you luck.
Remember:
Step one is get to ER.
Step two is telling mandated reporters you are disabled and being abused.
I hope you will update us.
Hospital emegency rooms are not abused womens' or homeless shelters.
Don't you think every homeless person in the country would go to an ER and say they were having chest pains because of the abuse they live in if it meant they'd be found housing at once?
It doesn't work like that. If the OP is nearly invalid from disability like she claims, APS ae the people to handle her.
They may understand your disability better & maybe able to mediate (or arrange an advocate) with APS & for benefits on your behalf.
What's your aim?
To get the care you need?
Or make your husband provide it?
If you are in need of medical attention, then what Alva suggested will get you that.
I can only imagine how difficult being totally disabled must be. If you are trying to keep from losing something by not leaving your home then you are in the best position to know what that is worth to you.
A totally disabled person who is living with an abuser may not be allowed to stay in their home. You are not considered an elder at 49, almost 50 but a totally disabled person would be eligible for assistance. Contact the Area Agency on Aging to see what services, if any, they have available for you. And APS is also a good resource to find what help is available. Though they are generally most helpful for those under 18 (CPS) or over 62, but they can explain that to you. Your area may be different as services are not the same in every region.
If your husband had help, he might be better able to manage but left as you describe sounds like he is beyond burned out. It is very difficult to be a caregiver of even the most beloved and we all have our moments.
I’m sorry for your circumstances.