Father (86) is in an expensive AL and has dementia, mostly alcohol induced.. The AL said he needs a sitter or must leave. Sitters are $25/hr. So sitter and AL is over $300K/year. I have tried other places, but they do not want him if he falls. He was warned he would become wheelchair bound if he would not exercise or do his PT. Hospice (care, not EOL) has told me homes are rated lower if they have a record of falls, that is probably why they will not take him now. At this rate my mother will have no money left for her life and eventual care in less than 2 years.
Does anyone have any ideas? I am at a loss, and mother (84) is a wreck. I hate to do it since he will feel bad, but I am going to speak to him today and let him know how he is ruining his wife's life with his insistence on getting up. Maybe if he has no falls for a month or two we will have a chance of placing him, but this is probably grasping at straws, especially if he does not comprehend totally.
I wanted to keep him in a nicer place, but it looks like we may need to move him to more of an institutional hospital atmosphere (Skilled NH).
I was not going to talk with him, but I really feel he should at least have a chance to change his behaviour for a fighting chance at a nicer place (AL). It is possible he won't understand, but we really think he would want the chance. I know I would if I were him.
We are starting to wonder what they will do if we just stop the sitters.
They will also make sure that when he does go on Medicaid she will have adequate income to maintain her home and other expenses.
Perhaps your Dad should be in a Memory Care Facility rather than an Assisted Living. They will better know how to deal with his Dementia issues.
My Dad had Dementia and also fell frequently because he "forgot" that he couldn't get up and go to the bathroom by himself. They tried a variety of strategies to keep him seated.
Good Luck to you.
He needs to be in a memory care unit, where the staff will have experience and expertise in managing dementia patients at risk of falling.
Jeanne - thanks. We are concentrating on those two search options. There is a real shortage of beds, but we will keep trying. You are the second person to mention the lawyer, I will set that up this week. I did not know about that one.
2. Restrict your search to Nursing Homes and Dementia Care places. Dad is no longer a suitable candidate for Assisted Living.
My mother's dementia keeps her from remembering she can't stand up, so she is a fall risk. Her nursing home has put a number of practices in place to help prevent that. No one has asked for "baby sitting" or talked about discharging her. You will find a place that will take Dad. Keep looking.
A trust for his grandchildren means for inheritance, not while he is alive. Again, this is not the issue and I should not have mentioned it.
My question was whether there were options anyone could think of to a nursing home and a sitter. They can afford the home, but sitters triple the cost. It is devastating them financially and there will not be anything left for my mother's care. Because of the history of falls, nursing homes do not want to take him.
I have followed this site for a long time and have seen some great help and ideas from some great people. I was really just asking for suggestions for his care.
Case in point is my Dad, even though he seems clear minded I believe he has the start of dementia.... for the past year I have been repeatingly telling my Dad that I get panic attacks when driving so I won't be able to drive him or Mom on a regular basis like I use to.... so what happens the next day, I get a call from Dad asking to be driving somewhere :P
Oh, please clarify as you had written "We have his assets in a small trust for his grandchildren".... are those assets available to take care of your father and mother if need be, or are the assets somehow locked and only to be used by the grandchildren?
What we need is a reasonable living arrangement for my father that does not devastate my mother financially. She is ultimately the one I am trying to look out for. She has even taken to staying all night with him sometimes to save the sitter fees, then telling me afterwards so I do not stop her. I only have dealt with nursing homes and AL, and really do not know of any other options. I've talked with agencies and some professionals, but his behaviour must be more uncommon than I thought. He has been in AL for a year and a half, but this getting up and falling just started a month ago. He had an infection, and after treatment he seems a lot better, but we cannot erase the record. So far that has stopped us from getting him in a skilled nursing facility.
Yes, contacting the lawyer is a good idea. We have his assets in a small trust for his grandchildren, but the only concern now is that there will be enough left for my mother.
We really just need to place him somewhere where he can be cared for without both of them becoming destitute in two years.
You father needs a nursing home and meds to keep him comfortable and safe? Safety of other residents is a major concern in assisted luving?