I have the room and the time to care for my Mother. But when I make up my mind to bring her here and care for her I get panic attacks and can't sleep? Mum broke her hip and has been in hospital then rehab, then moved back to main hospital due to neglect at the rehab. I know I can take better care of her and I think I am willing. So why do I panic and can't sleep, It just does not make sense.
Now its possible it would work out just fine and you just have a bad case of the jitters - sometimes you can't know til you try it - any chance of getting a weekend pass with her to see what its like and answer the question as clearly as possible? Even then, allow for a "honeymoon" phase; lots of times what works for a weekend isn't going to work for the long haul, but at least its a good clue.
This is not the road everyone can take and unfortunately you don't know what you will be up against until it's too late. I have so much admiration for those who enjoy it and seem to be able to deal with it all. I have high blood pressure that is barely controlled with medication and now that doesn't even work. I've had chest pains the last few days from her nightly shenanigans. I hate to see sundown approach. Every case is unique but if I had read this forum before we brought her to live with us she would not be here now.
I panic thinking about their future, and I panic thinking about my own future. It's a continuous loop in my brain. For me I know I cannot be a hand-on Caregiver, I am better with logistics.
My fear is that my parent(s) will ask me to move in with them. I know if I did after one week the heat in their home would make me too sick to continue. And I couldn't ask my parents to drop the heat down 10 or 15 degrees just for my sake. I would be opening up windows to get in some desperately needed fresh air, and Mom would be right behind me closing the windows. I would be opening up the window shades to get in some sun light, and Mom would be closing them up. I crave the sunlight.
I guess these panic attacks are the fear of the unknown. Just tell yourself that not everyone can be a Caregiver, and that is what your brain is trying to tell you.
Bevpet ask yourself, are you better trained in those who are working at a retirement home? Do you know CPR? Do you know how to take blood pressure? Are you strong enough to lift an adult from a bed to the restroom many times during the day when that time comes, and it will? Are you ready to survive on 3 or 4 hours a sleep at night?
My cousin's mother lived to be 100 and she refused to move to any type of assistant living. She passed on last year, my cousin is 76 has major health issues that stem from him trying to care for his Mom. Gone are all the grand retirement plans he and his wife had, yet his Mom got to travel the world when she retired.
Despite all the best intentions, not everyone is meant to be a hands on 24/7 caregiver. It is best to realize you might be a better advocate for your Mother and allow professionals to see to her wellbeing. Do you and your Mom get along really well? Are you comfortable doing all the things your Mother might need help with now and in the future? Do you love staying at home and having no social life? Caregiving is a total lifestyle change so think long and hard. Depending on your Mother's age, this could be a 10-20 year journey?
Talk to social services at the hospital being completely honest about your feelings. Allow them to get your Mother whatever in home assistant is available if you decide to bring her home. The more help you have at home the better for both of you. Do you have siblings nearby who will be able to stay with Mom to allow you time away from home during the day or for travel?
Wish you all the best!