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By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington. Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services. APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid. We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour. APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment. You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints. Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights. APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.I agree that: A.I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information"). B.APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink. C.APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site. D.If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records. E.This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year. F.You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
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Mostly Independent
Your loved one may not require home care or assisted living services at this time. However, continue to monitor their condition for changes and consider occasional in-home care services for help as needed.
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Mmm. Lots of people hate doctors and avoid them like the plague. I think the key questions is: What is going on that makes you worry about her well-being?
I know my Dad hates the doctor, says its a torture chamber (the shower is too) My sister is a saint and she lives with him. She does not ask, she simply makes the appts, wakes him, helps him get ready and takes him.
Assuming your mother still has her brain, I would put a question to her. "Mom, when I was living at home and you thought I had a medical problem, would you have taken me to the doctor?" She will say DUH then you add 'What if I didn't want to go? What if I screamed and hollered and said I wouldn't go?" Then when she tells you that she would've taken you anyhow, point out to her you are in the same situation now. Doesn't matter how old she is now as to how old you were then, both ages are/were in need of a doctor.
At 91 - I'd just make the appointment for 1-130pm, tell her you're going to lunch, go to eat about 11 and then drive her to the doctor's office and haul her in there. If she refuses - go get the nurse to help you get her from the parking lot. Often they are terrible to family and care givers but will nice to authority figures.
It's really difficult to argue about these kinds of things - especially when you know it's for their own good. That said, we - as care givers - must learn to let go of some of this. Even though we want to show our respect and love, when they're still capable of making up their own mind and being so stubborn - all you can do is wait for something to go wrong then live with the consequences. That could mean hospitalization, assisted living or a nursing home - but you must remember that you tried to give them the best quality of life given the circumstances. My own mom has health issues that she ignored for months; she refused to go to physical therapy. I knew she needed to go, i pleaded for her to go, i reasoned with her, told her what would happen if she didn't go - all fell on deaf ears. She preferred to hobble around, read, let us bring her meals, and help her bath and sit in front of the TV. Now, 1 year later, she lives in a nursing home, can't walk at all and wonders why her doc won't prescribe therapy to regain her strength. She's 90 so I don't argue, I just say, "I'll ask him" then we have some coffee and pie and talk about something else. We had a good couple of years, all the while waiting for something to happen, knowing something would happen. It might shorten her life or limit her abilities but at least we didn't spend the 2 years angry or worried. i hope you can find some way to deal with your mom and your concern. Best of luck.
My mother will not go to the doctor either, realizes that something is wrong, she thinks that people can now come through the walls-don't need a key, she realizes that she forgets and asks the same question sometimes 20x in a row...but will not go. She says if I try to make her she will die on the way and her death will be on me.....I tricked her into one session told her it was for a job intv for a senior daycare service that she would be working for the Dr., he told me she is at stage 3 if this is classified as a 4 stage disease, and wanted her to come back. She will not go back, said there were too many crazy people at that place and she wouldn't work for that Dr. he wasn't as bright as her ;-D
I have no idea what to do, but take it one day at a time...
I finally got Mom to the Dr., it was the emergency room. She was acting really weak. She has her motor home here at my home and we said we where going someplace, she was all for that. It's took 2 EMTs and a police officer to get her out of the RV. I was afraid of injury to her. She weighs 79 lbs. and is a real fighter. That turned to a follow up with a Dr. and another fight, but she has now seen a Dr and he said that it is a sad thing that ppl have to be forced to go, but without it ppl can get into trouble with the law for neglect.. He wrote everything in his report and said he would be her Dr. but now it's her choice. She has high BP, he seemed to think putting her on meds at this time would do more harm than good.
I negotiated with my mom. Okay, I sorta lied. I told her we were going out to lunch. Once we were in the car ...
I spoke with doc ahead of time and said that the check up had to be quick and un-scary. It was like taking a 6 year old for booster shot! That reminds me . . . i did not get a lollypop for bringing my mom in.
I finally got my Mom to go to the Dr this week as well, she was really hard to deal with (earlier in the week) angry outburst due to delusions, in the middle of a blow up I explained to her she could no longer live in my home if she didn't see a doctor, she said she'd kill herself or run away, I explained if that was her choice then that would be her legacy but she was going to the doctor. She did go and now we have a second appt with a memory doctor, it went okay, but I think the end of the day appt was not best for Mom, she did have an outburst about killing herself in the drs office as well, and the dr didn't seem to be as alarmed as I am everytime she says it...not sure if that means the dr needs a reality check or I do. She was not given any meds for the outburst (which was my prayer), but hopefully the next doctor will give her the time and concern that I think is needed to see all that she is going through.
I am in the same boat...cannot get my 61 yr old mother to the Dr she is a heavy smoker with a horrible cough she gets furious with me when I bring it up...she has not seen a doctor in 24 yrs and that is only cuz she gave birth to my little sister...advice anyone?
By proceeding, I agree that I understand the following disclosures:
I. How We Work in Washington.
Based on your preferences, we provide you with information about one or more of our contracted senior living providers ("Participating Communities") and provide your Senior Living Care Information to Participating Communities. The Participating Communities may contact you directly regarding their services.
APFM does not endorse or recommend any provider. It is your sole responsibility to select the appropriate care for yourself or your loved one. We work with both you and the Participating Communities in your search. We do not permit our Advisors to have an ownership interest in Participating Communities.
II. How We Are Paid.
We do not charge you any fee – we are paid by the Participating Communities. Some Participating Communities pay us a percentage of the first month's standard rate for the rent and care services you select. We invoice these fees after the senior moves in.
III. When We Tour.
APFM tours certain Participating Communities in Washington (typically more in metropolitan areas than in rural areas.) During the 12 month period prior to December 31, 2017, we toured 86.2% of Participating Communities with capacity for 20 or more residents.
IV. No Obligation or Commitment.
You have no obligation to use or to continue to use our services. Because you pay no fee to us, you will never need to ask for a refund.
V. Complaints.
Please contact our Family Feedback Line at (866) 584-7340 or ConsumerFeedback@aplaceformom.com to report any complaint. Consumers have many avenues to address a dispute with any referral service company, including the right to file a complaint with the Attorney General's office at: Consumer Protection Division, 800 5th Avenue, Ste. 2000, Seattle, 98104 or 800-551-4636.
VI. No Waiver of Your Rights.
APFM does not (and may not) require or even ask consumers seeking senior housing or care services in Washington State to sign waivers of liability for losses of personal property or injury or to sign waivers of any rights established under law.
I agree that:
A.
I authorize A Place For Mom ("APFM") to collect certain personal and contact detail information, as well as relevant health care information about me or from me about the senior family member or relative I am assisting ("Senior Living Care Information").
B.
APFM may provide information to me electronically. My electronic signature on agreements and documents has the same effect as if I signed them in ink.
C.
APFM may send all communications to me electronically via e-mail or by access to an APFM web site.
D.
If I want a paper copy, I can print a copy of the Disclosures or download the Disclosures for my records.
E.
This E-Sign Acknowledgement and Authorization applies to these Disclosures and all future Disclosures related to APFM's services, unless I revoke my authorization. You may revoke this authorization in writing at any time (except where we have already disclosed information before receiving your revocation.) This authorization will expire after one year.
F.
You consent to APFM's reaching out to you using a phone system than can auto-dial numbers (we miss rotary phones, too!), but this consent is not required to use our service.
It's really difficult to argue about these kinds of things - especially when you know it's for their own good. That said, we - as care givers - must learn to let go of some of this. Even though we want to show our respect and love, when they're still capable of making up their own mind and being so stubborn - all you can do is wait for something to go wrong then live with the consequences. That could mean hospitalization, assisted living or a nursing home - but you must remember that you tried to give them the best quality of life given the circumstances. My own mom has health issues that she ignored for months; she refused to go to physical therapy. I knew she needed to go, i pleaded for her to go, i reasoned with her, told her what would happen if she didn't go - all fell on deaf ears. She preferred to hobble around, read, let us bring her meals, and help her bath and sit in front of the TV. Now, 1 year later, she lives in a nursing home, can't walk at all and wonders why her doc won't prescribe therapy to regain her strength. She's 90 so I don't argue, I just say, "I'll ask him" then we have some coffee and pie and talk about something else. We had a good couple of years, all the while waiting for something to happen, knowing something would happen. It might shorten her life or limit her abilities but at least we didn't spend the 2 years angry or worried. i hope you can find some way to deal with your mom and your concern. Best of luck.
I have no idea what to do, but take it one day at a time...
I spoke with doc ahead of time and said that the check up had to be quick and un-scary. It was like taking a 6 year old for booster shot! That reminds me . . . i did not get a lollypop for bringing my mom in.
But I did take her out to lunch.
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