I've been taking care of my elderly mother for only a year and a half now, but during this time my own health is suffering, and my work has changed to where I am gone 12 to 14 hours out of the day. She uses emotional blackmail, guilt, and even my own belief systems against me to keep control of what happens in my own home. I just can't do this anymore, but she refuses to leave. What can I do? Please help.
You need to have your mother move out. If you care to provide a little more background information that would help us be specific in our suggestions.
Hopefully it won't come to that. Keep the topic in front of her (nagging), take her to see some ALF, keep the topic on the burner and maybe she will give in and move. She is only going to need more care as time goes on - so keep the pressure on.
If mom is using FOG (fear obligation and guilt) on you, you may need to seek therapy or counseling to understand how she's manipulating you and how to counteract those feelings.
Do you have POA? Are you paying for caregivers out of mom's funds, as you should be?
What can you do? One has to wait for a serious medical situation or two or three to get the ball rolling.... 911.... rehab.... assisted living.
Try cutting back on things you do for your Mom... the more you enable her, the harder she is going to cling to you and not want outside help. Instead of you doing all the work, Mom can pay for a caregiver to help her during the day.