In about 10-15 years, I may be responsible for the health and financial decisions of my mother, father, step-mother, uncle and my dad's cousin. I don't know how this would physically and emotionally be possible. For starters, I live in Seattle. My mom lives in Seattle, and I'm completely able and willing to be her caregiver. But my dad, stepmom and my dad's cousin live in Hawaii. My uncle lives in San Diego.
As you may have guessed, I'm an only child. I was raised by my mother and saw my dad just once a year. I lived in Hawaii and he lived in California. I saw my uncle about as much as my dad. As for my dad's cousin, she lived in Hawaii, so I saw her at family gatherings. My uncle and dad's cousin never married or had kids. I'm not currently close to them or my dad now. All of them are in their mid-to-late 60's.
So my uncle just signed his estate documents. I'm designated as his Power of Attorney for financial and health decisions. (No, he did not ask me first.)
I'm the back-up Power of Attorney for my dad's cousin. My dad is the primary Power of Attorney, but he is older than his cousin. I agreed to this arrangement when I was younger and didn't quite comprehend the responsibility involved.
I'm completely stressed and perplexed by this situation. I don't know how I could possibly handle the financial and health affairs of so many people, especially people whom I'm not emotionally and physically close to.
Seeking all and any advice???
My Mother lives in another state but my brother, sister, and I have worked out ways that each of us can help when needed. The other 5 live here in town. Yes, there are other family members....none in town older than 27 yrs. old with young children. I don't expect help from them unless things get desperate. My husbands siblings live out of state and the one here won't be any help.
I watched/helped my Mother go through this over the coarse of 30yrs. Mine will come all at once. I did learn some things watching my Mother: Take one day at a time. Do what you can and don't stress about what you can't. Take help from what ever or who ever you can and then reciprocate that help. Do only what you are comfortable doing. Use their money to take care of them. Your family comes first. Do something just for yourself - clubs, church, friends night out. And above all realize it won't last forever even if it seems it will.
Sometimes it is difficult. I have an aunt that is not able to stand on her own. My mother is repeatedly telling her that if she loses her caregiver, she can come here and I will take care of her. I tell my mother that is not going to happen. Period. I took care of her and my father when he was alive. And now I take care of my mother, who is three hands full... well, more like 20. For her to offer my services to someone who is very disabled is just so disrespectful. I am not hers to offer. So I say no, it is not going to happen. I love my aunt, but I can't do it. It is okay to say no.
Try to realize that it's not likely that all of these people will need help at the same time. You'll be responsible for financial decisions, but you can't possibly provide hands-on care for them all. You'll have to designate, especially because most of them are at a distance from you. That means you'll need to look into hiring care for them when they need it, and even finding help through an estate attorney or elder law attorney for the legal matters. Try not to stress too much. You will just need to get some help.
Carol