This is completely new territory for us: social services have arranged for a caregiver to come in for up to five hours per week to give me respite breaks. I'd like her to feel welcome and valued; my mother is apprehensive, too, and I plan to take this very gently so that we all start off on the right foot. All suggestions welcome?
Can you be around during the first session? Not hovering, but in another room doing your own thing? That might help Mom feel less apprehensive and give the CG a chance to ask questions that come up.
We had a volunteer respite worker for a few hours a week early on. It took several weeks for me to catch on that my husband thought he had to entertain her! They looked through photo albums, but he was running out of ideas and feeling bad about it, poor dear. It is important for the caregiver to know what is expected -- and for the care receiver to be on the same page!
Here is wishing for a smooth transition for you all.
1. She is here to work, and will feel undermined if there's nothing to do.
2. She is here to keep my mother safe and comfortable, not as a guest we need to amuse.
3. Let my mother speak for herself; don't be desperate for them to be best buddies straight away.
4. Once they're ok, leave them to it and don't keep turning up like a paranoid bad penny.
I think that's about all I'll be able to manage for Tuesday! Fingers crossed, thanks again.
when caregiving was my paid job, any little crumb of appreciation was mostly unexpected.
i served a small and very poor area, one patient in particular seemed to take the chance to play southern belle and treat my like a lowly maid. i took orders from her gracefully, as long as they didn't interfere with my actual job;)
in the end, she ended up with no help at all, because on one of my sick days my black friend sat in, and the woman was not happy about the skin colour.
just wow. the agency dropped her, i always wondered what happened to her next. she was 95,
and her arrogance and obnoxious ignorance were probably things she didnt have enough cognitive ability left to comprehend.
but, i didn't check back on her either, because she really was torture to be around.
calling the caregiver by name helps a lot! i always offered my moms physical therapist a glass of fresh orange juice when she arrived. (her company was working her to death and i knew she needed it!) most days she had put at least a hundred miles driving in, usually more.
the company i worked for had a prohibition against accepting such things) however, there is also a policy that you can't turn your client down if they truly want to give you a glass of water or something.
(confused yet?).
i feel that most caregivers get into this line of work because, well they CARE. of course they need their paycheck, but just showing honest appreciation, and an invitation to open communication goes a long way.
with a question such as yours, i get the feeling it will be just fine. you sound really sweet and considerate.
oh, one more thing... when anna, our lovely PT first started coming, i just informed her i would be in the kitchen, and also let her know out of simple disclosure that if she needed anything she could just call my name and i could hear it through the camera i had in moms room.
so, as i have mentioned on other threads, not all caregivers are equal. i have heard some pretty horrid stories actually. having a camera on your loved one is one of the best ways to make sure everything is a-ok even if you are in the next room.
it is funny, a double edged sword so to speak that the cared FOR ones feel like they need to entertain the caregiver. Because in our training, we are encouraged to just "spend time" with the cared for one. Asking questions about their family or grandchildren, and looking through photo albums was actually ln the list of examples. OH DEAR.
Well, these complications are heartwarming. No one could ultimately be harmed because they were trying to make the person that was trying to make them happy, happy. LOL.
Say THAT five times fast, heehee.
I have one coming tomorrow. I'm not worried about her feeling welcome she definitely is! My biggest concern is mom wanting her to leave and getting stressed out when she doesn't. She once tried to physically throw a caregiver out of the house while threatening to call 911 to report a burglary. That day I called the police department to explain moms dementia so they know what to expect whether respond anyway. I am going to watch this thread will probably learn something.
I agree with letting her know what is expected of her. If you anticipate times during the shift when there's little to do encourage her to bring a book or some knitting or something.
And I know you will be but be nice and respectful. Like someone above me mentioned you can't imagine the very difficult patients (and families) we've had to work for. I had a couple hire my company and it was a 4-hour shift. Supposedly the wife had just gotten home from having surgery. All this couple wanted was someone to clean their house. No interaction with the wife whatsoever, just clean the house. I didn't even get a chance to take the wife's vitals or anything. Once her husband introduced me to her she asked me to shut her door!
Just be normal and friendly and respectful and you'll have a committed and hardworking caregiver in return.
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