Usually I do what I can and let things work them selves out. This week however has been hell. I have 6 elders that I am the basic care giver for although my husband doesn't feel like it's my/our job. Even though 5 are his family. This week I had one in the nursing home with a broken leg (80yr old hubby taking care of her), one finally diagnosed 5 yrs late with dementia ( 80yr. old hubby taking care of her), finally my Mother in Law was sent to the hospital with internal bleeding (Hep C). Luckily it was a small bleed and she can now go home. I also hold down 2 jobs, have two teenagers, a husband and 100yr old house. Every one wonders why I'm stressed and worried about what they next few years will bring. I can barely handle the here and now. My husband says I should stop thinking of my self as their caregiver and only help when needed ( which is more and more). That they are capable of taking care of themselves. I wasn't brought up this way.
Am I to invested? Do I need to back off? His siblings live in other states or are no help at all because 78yr old mom is still taking care of them. She calls me for everything.
Again, this has been a week from you know where. Maybe I just need to vent.
Your husband is right. You simply can't be the caregiver for that many people! And you are right too, to want to help these people who need help. cdo4fun's approach honors the wisdom of both of you. Step back from the constant hands-on activity, but arrange for someone else to do it.
I seriously doubt that everyone wonders why you're stressed. More likely those in the know are wondering what holds you together!
Vent all you want. And also take some steps to find out what these folks are eligible for, and help them get it.
All are on limited incomes even though Dad still works as a driver to afford his wife's meds. Maybe if we go slowly. We can accomplish it with some sanity.
Thanks.