i really don't know what I need or why I am exactly writing this but I am feeling so lost I need to do something. The last five years has been really rough with my mom. She has continually struggled with health and has had a steady decline over the last year or so. Five years ago my mom had a surgery that about took her from us...i will never forget the ICU code call and the sternal rub that she didn't respond to. since then my mom has become a shell of herself, she has moderate dementia, can only take care of her own ADL's with assist most often then not, falls continually (multiple falls a day sometimes, and at least two or more a week). we've been to the ER three or four times this year for various infections, and found out she has TIA's in march, and she had another surgery in July to clear her sinus cavity of the impaction that we found out after the fact was actually a staph infection. since the diagnosis of her TIA's we have come to realize that she probably has them a lot more often then we think, and has had them for a long time. She ended up in a rehab for 20 days in September, but since coming home has only went down hill more. Since coming home in October the doctors have said that there is nothing else they can do for the TIA's, they can't figure out where the clots come from or what causes them. They don't know why her health is failing in general, why she is falling, or anything else other then to say that her body is starting to fail her in general.
We've had the discussions as a family to plan for next steps, and to talk about what to do if mom were to have a serious stroke. I struggle with all of these discussions, and though overall i agree with the decisions I really struggle with losing my mom. I have lost parts of her so long ago i feel foolish missing what we had, but I miss her. I don't know what I need but I need to feel better, or learn to cope with all this without going crazy. I work in a high stress job and have two high schoolers and stay incredibly busy keeping up with them. Most of the time I feel like I am just one slip from losing my mind and everything in life. Is this normal? does it get better? any ideas how to cope and live with this all!?
I received one piece of advice here that helped me immeasurably as my Mom was aging. It was suggested that I tell her I love her and hug her every day, or when ever possible.
It did indeed become more and more difficult and then one day my Mom passed away. For all the years I have to live that are ahead of me, I know that I treated her with kindness and compassion, to the extent that I could and I am thankful that I told her that I loved her and hugged her whenever I could. Now, it's over.
Did it ever get better? It's all a matter of perspective. I'm thankful for the time I had with her, although it was the MOST challenging time of my life. I wish for you the same... that you can navigate this time with grace and compassion for YOURSELF as well as for others.
Take very good care of yourself, while you are caring for others. Do everything you can for you, because you (and everyone around you) needs YOU to survive this.
On another note, my mom died at 81, having never been sick a day in her life. My dad, now at 91, has spent the last 10 years struggling with many health issues. Given my new perspective, if I could choose, I would have preferred to remember my dad as I do my mom and I would prefer to go as she did...making cookies.
Have you involved Hospice? They have been helpful to have others involved in my dad's care, but I think he's not going to make "the cut" soon for their care.
Hang in there, cjaharmon...I'm so glad for you that you have sibling support!
Also, there are places around to get a wheelchair for free. Ask around. Peace.
No matter how much or how little we try to contribute to helping our parents, it is quite stressful as we are put into a situation where we had no training, especially those of us who never raised children.
I know I am constantly thinking why don't my parents hire people to help them out, or use the home delivery of groceries. Good heavens, that is what I am doing for myself because I don't have the time or energy to fix or shop for myself :(
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