Not sure what I need, but feeling lost. Does it get better?

Thank you for the responses...need them today even more then when I posted this. No mom doesn't live with me because I am about 60 miles away from everyone, so I am not actually doing the day to day care for her. I am very blessed that i have two wonderful amazing sisters who live within 1 mile of our parents home and can go home multiple times a day and check on her, help dad, keep the home functioning. But because of this I feel guilty, i am constantly trying to go home, calling, texting, checking in, figuring out how to add one more trip there into an already crazy schedule, besides dealing with the emotional side of just not knowing. She fell 5 times yesterday and her doctor is giving us the run around on getting her a wheelchair. Luckily we were able to get into the neurologist this morning. We are hoping he will order the wheelchair for us. She can't keep falling that we know. And I don't know how much more we can do, she fell yesterday with double assist from my father and sister while trying to get on the bedside commode. My sister who is a nurse is going with mom and dad today, so hopefully we can get some answers and try to figure out what is going on and where we go from here.

I did start back on an antidepressant (I love my wellbutrin) in September. I have been contemplating a phone call to get it raised, but I guess I need to. I can't leave my job because honestly it's my light in a very dark world (I am a mental health therapist with children/adolescents/teenagers). Though it is very stressful it's a different kind of stress then dealing with a loss of my mother, I have always been the go to person with my mom, she has Bipolar DIsorder and I have been the one she will listen to, make changes, do what she needs to so that she can stay healthy. I have been able to do all this from where I live, with often trips home, phone calls etc. But now i can't do anything, or so it feels that way. I can't fix her falling, I can't figure out why she is getting so weak so fast, there is no fix and that is driving me crazy...Gotta love the therapist brain that just knows there has to be a fix here if I can just find it...but I can't!

I am working on handing off some of the commitments for my kids to others where I can. Luckily we have a blended a family where everyone gets along and works together (though a long time ago I took over all aspects of their day to day care/planning etc because their mom couldn't), so their biological mother is stepping up some and helping out when she can which is more then what i am use too, their dad is amazing and really my rock, but it's so hard when you have kids that are so reliant on you to be there, to be involved even as a senior in high school and you have to bow out. I have band/guard kids so that is even harder. I never miss competition and have only missed one game in three years of his being involved. But I just feel like I am barely holding on. I need the roller coaster to stop. My sister thinks mom has started the dying process which is why she is growing so weak, falling, increased confusion, etc. I don't know if I just can't accept that or what but I am struggling and just need a pause, but it doesn't look like that is coming. Sis is talking with the neurologist today about everything so I hope we have answers then...sorry it's another long winded reply but I need a sounding board to put this out of my head.

I don't have as hard as some on here, but I do take care of my elderly mother who has COPD and is on oxygen 24/7. She doesn't drive and doesn't have friends. She moved next door to me 2 years ago after my father died. I just went through chemo and radiation for breast cancer. Siblings don't help and I thought I could lose my mind at any time. I talked to my doctor and he put me on Lorazepam. Believe me this really helps with the stress. Talk to your doctor.

I not only sympathize with you, but I can relate. When my husband started his downhill process, I was so scared, befuddled, lost, confused and upset, I just wanted to turn and run. If your Mom doesn't have an aide, she needs one...you cannot do all this yourself. Trying to juggle all you do will take it's toll on you...remember the first rule of caregiving: TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST. I know that sound selfish at first, but if you don't, you won't be able to properly care for your Mom. Think about it like the airlines do: Put on your oxygen mask first, then help others. The same logic applies to caregiving. Educating yourself about what is going on will help to. There is a lot of information out there. I don't like that the doctors have just shrugged off the problems of the TIAs. You need to find a GOOD neurologist or elder care doctor. Talk to the local Parkinson's chapter, Alzheimer's Association, etc. They will have some leads for you. Call the office, talk to the staff, get information. Don't be afraid to ask questions, questions and more questions. I disagree with josiep; it CAN get better if you put you trust in God and learn acceptance. Once you do the strength and courage will come and then peace and joy will follow. It's a long process. Pray, talk to a clergy person or a trusted Christian friend (or whatever faith you might be). Read a book called "The Language of Letting Go". This will help you put things in perspective. Most importantly, ask for help. You do NOT have do this alone. Your Mom's constant falls are not "normal". She could seriously injure herself and she may not recover. This MUST be addressed and not just brushed under the rug because the doctors you've been seeing don't know. Good luck and God bless.

Thanks for posting this question and the responses that were given so far. I am also feeling lost. I take care of my father who has dementia. I am completely overwhelmed and feel like darkness is looming over me. I am noticing that I am beginning to have major anxiety almost reaching panic mode. I am considering medication for myself.

Thanks again for sharing.

no it doesnt get better....there are brief moments of calm...but no. im going thru it w/dad. so sick of it all

You need to follow kaydeb's advice...I will take it one step further, my husband has Alzheimer's, it is mild to moderate, he still does a lot for himself, but we started our journey 6 years ago, the changes are hard to watch, the more I had to do, the harder it got for me, I went to counseling, that helped some...I do not have a full time job, my kids are grown and out of the house, I worked part time until 3 years ago, my husband did not want to be alone, so I quit work and stayed home, I went crazy, tried everything I thought of to help me cope, meditation, prayer even working from home, I bake and cook for people....finally I realized I needed to talk with my family doctor about medication for ME! I take an anti anxiety med, it helps me to cope with the day to day issues...I thought that made me weaker, needing a drug, but when everything seem to be imploding, well, it has kept my head above my stormy seas...you can't give 100% to your family! your mother and your job...prioritize, get help from others, get help FOR YOURSELF, if you don't stay healthy physically and mentally, YOU can't help anyone...

Well, I will share with you that this is a process. Yes, it does get better. I will state however that you have far too much on your agenda if you are working full time at a high stress job, (does your mother live with you)? and you have high schoolers. That is just too much for one person to handle. The reason you feel overwhelmed is because you are overwhelmed. Do you have anyone else in your family that can assist you. The kids are pretty much in your house until they move on, but your mother is your mother, and I totally understand. My mom has Alzheimer's and I had to place her in Assisted Living, and it makes me feel awful, but I know without a doubt it was the best decision. Saying that however, I realize that that is very expensive and most people cannot afford that unless, they are selling your mother's house etc. I would recommend to reach out to the senior centers in your area. I know there are some very kind volunteers that will come and assist you, but if you can afford it, you need to find some help. No you are not slipping away or on step away from losing your mind, you have to re prioritize all of the things that you have. What if you took a far less stressful job. Would that work? I am thinking of you, and know that many of us, feel the same sense of wishing it was the way it was years ago, but we have to accept what is. Take care and good luck.