Mom does not want to be bathed, have her position changed, diapers changed, refuses food, only takes water for the past week. She wants it to be very quiet and the room to be dark. I want to honor her wishes and have to work myself up to go into her room to clean her because I feel so guilty. She does not complain of any pain or discomfort. I check on her frequently, have a baby monitor incase she calls for help or is in distress. I am used to bathing, changing, providing dental hygiene, caring for her hair, etc. I have to sit on my hands to keep from doing the things that I believe should be done to keep her clean and comfortable, yet what seems to be comfortable for her is to not disturb her. Hospice will be more available to us after the holidays end.....just two more days....Am I a terrible daughter? Is it right to honor her wishes? Does she know what's best for her right now???? I love her so much!
I don't think you are a terrible daughter at all...I can tell you have a heart of gold. I can definitely tell you love her very much. God Bless.
If that is not the case in your situation, please forgive me. I just so want for you to have help. Minutes seem like hours when we're witnessing the decline of our loved ones. I remember how helpless I felt in my dad's final days sitting alone with him listening to his labored breathing. It's a gut-wrenching, exhausting time and my heart and prayers go out to you.
You are a wonderful daughter who loves her mom greatly. My dad wanted to die alone. My brother wouldn't agree to that and stayed until 3 in the morning until he couldn't stay awake any longer. My dad died 10 minutes after he left.
I know you want to DO something, the things and the care we do day to day. It's a routine and it feels normal because it was and now you are in uncharted territory. It's such a scary place to be, like being on a tightrope without a net.
Respect her wishes for quiet and dark and calm. She knows what she needs right now. Hold her hand if she'll let you and speak softly of your love for her and share good memories of your happy times together.
The hospice people can give you much better advice than I can, but that was what I learned from my experience with my dad. They seem out of it, but the clarity of what they need is there.
God bless you and your mom.
And calling hospice at any time is important as things can change quickly. My mother had hospice this past summer before she passed away and I had to call them when she could no longer speak, but looked in discomfort - the hospice team are so well trained and know just what to do - so important to call them at any time - they are always available.
Hugs across the miles and blessings to you.